did you go back to work ?

No.....I was never 'just a housewife'. In fact never much of a housewife.....BUT was a full-time Mother.

Probably the most fulfulling job I have ever done. Took us four years to get us our first baby, then the the second arrived eleven months later. Before the eldest was six years old there had been three more (4 and 5 arriving together).

Also fostered, so always had a baby around for several years. Couple of those stayed with our family.

We were hard up, but I loved that time, weekdays entirely over to needs of the children, mornings doing washing, tidying up, cooking, afternoons meeting other Mums and children for social get-togethers. Weekends, no housework except the washing and lots of family things to do.

As the children went to school, (although I had at least one, usually two pre-schoolers for many years), I was available if any of them were unwell, or had dental, optician, etc. etc. appointments. Rarely a week went past without something like that, no way could I have done any sort of job outside of the home. Wonderful time in later afternoons after school was out. I

Great times. None of my daughters were stay-at-home Mums, and I do understand the reasons why.....but do feel rather sorry for them for having missed out on that.

I did take on a volunteer role as an administrator for a sports body all work done from home (often late at night). Gave me an interest, kept my brain active, and also went on my CV and was instrumental in getting me a paid job very many years later.

floradora that's a whole other can of worms.

I was/am just a housewife and now I am just a pensioner.

Actually, I am just me!

As just a pensioner I volunteer 2/3 sessions a week, I babysit/childmind as and when required. I support (mostly remotely) my brother, DH's brother, a sister in law and a niece plus a friend who is having a terrible time coping with her DH's dementia.

There is nothing 'just' about my life nor, I would suggest, the lives of many people here.

I know I was lucky that my kids came to work with me

I don't know if that was lucky, certainly very unusual indeed unless the workplace provided a creche - unthinkable years ago.

it is an unusual situation to be able to take your child to work with you

It certainly is and would have been unimaginable where I worked.

When our bank statement looked to be on the verge of the red, I took on a part-time evening class at a local FE college. This soon extended to another FE college about 8 miles away and on to a number of classes with day-release students. When we moved, I was able to pick up similar work and in 1981 I was employed as a Census Officer, then as a Weight Watchers' lecturer (as we were then known). Eventually, after another move, following my EX-H's career I did get full time work in FE and he became EX!

Arto1s

“Just a housewife” Floradora9
How judgemental are you!!

I am now" just a pensioner" and do not think that title is demeaning . I was not passing any judgement at all just describing my friends position .

4allweknow

Went back to work part time when my youngest were 2 years old then full time until I retired. Interesting Floradora9 that you have almost a full pension. Even though I paid a full stamp all my working days from when I was old enough I do not.

I got the chance to make up for lost years at one point so had to fork out quite a bit of money but it was worth it . When I was newly married and working as a civil servant we decided I should save money by opting for the " married woman " stamp . The office to do this was in the same building as the one I worked so I went down one lunchtime and joined a queue . It was taking so long that I decided to give up that day and found myself pregnant shortly afterwards. Boy am I glad that the queue was too long as my pension comes in very handy . Someone mantioned never being bored at home but bored at work . I never had time to be bored at work we were so busy. Even while at home with very small children I was always up to something . I fostered babies from a week old , did market research and B & B when we lived in the Highlands . Work made me feel I was somebody apart from being a mother and wife .

I went back to work when the youngest started school but when we moved back to the UK I didn't work but volunteer with a number of local organisations

I don't think it's about virtue whatever route a mother finds herself in, it's more about individual circumstances. I can quite see if one of the parents works abroad the other would want to be the constant presence at home, if finances allowed that.

Nowadays of course working from home is almost a given, back then it wasn't so nowadays you may be at home and be able to work as well if the distractions of young children aren't too great.

There are other significant variables, it is an unusual situation to be able to take your child to work with you, I did very, very occasionally and only if I absolutely had to, I was able to do that because my husband was a partner and had a large share in the business. It's rarely an option to bring children in to the workplace, so the choices are paying for childminding which can be costly, and if too expensive negates the earnings but maybe worth it career wise in the long term. It is noticeable how many after school clubs there are now to cater for that period when school finishes, that was limited when my children were young and I know from friends who worked full time, that small window of paying for a child minder after school wasn't cheap. I think there is a financial necessity more than anything else now in most women returning to work.

The other choice is to work round children's school terms and holidays, again not always easy, much depending on the job and individual circumstances. I don't think grandparents of yesteryear were so keen in getting involved as back up with child care as our generation of grandparents are and of course that help depends on the geographical proximity of the grandparents and whether they feel physically able to help.

I have had great times at work and great times at home with the children. I have also had depressing, mind numbing times at work and the same at home. Sometimes you need to experience both to appreciate the pluses and minuses.

paddyann54

Its the evangelical SAHM's who try to insinuate that those of us who WORKED are somehow less of a good parent.I had no maternity leave and I know I was lucky that my kids came to work with me ,we have a great relationship with both of them In fact my son has just left ,we last saw him yesterday .

I know some of those preachy sorts in real life and believe me they didn't do a great job with ther offspring despite staying at home until they left high school .

I would not presume to preach or accuse others of being preachy.
Our circumstances are all different, and to say anybody didn’t do a great job with their offspring is both judgemental and smug.

It’s a well known fact that a mothers place is in the wrong and many SAHM’s feel guilty because they feel they may be made to feel they have “wasted” their education or earning potential while working mums can feel heartbroken to miss the first steps or words, and feel the pain when they drop their children off at nursery or never manage to get the time off for the Nativity Play.
Why must women justify their actions by demeaning others?
Are they so insecure that they have to justify themselves?
Are our children so perfect (because they are ) because of how we brought them up or <whisper> despite our input.
Yet another smug self-congratulatory thread knocking anybody who dared to be different.

I’ve always found it the other way round paddyann. I felt we SAHM’s were looked down upon for not working.

Its the evangelical SAHM's who try to insinuate that those of us who WORKED are somehow less of a good parent.I had no maternity leave and I know I was lucky that my kids came to work with me ,we have a great relationship with both of them In fact my son has just left ,we last saw him yesterday .

I know some of those preachy sorts in real life and believe me they didn't do a great job with ther offspring despite staying at home until they left high school .

I never considered myself as “just” a housewife. I was a full time wife and mother and proud and contented to be so.

Callistemon21

^Found running a house and staying home boring Everyone is different^

Find me someone who loves doing housework! (Well, apart from my Mum who sang while she worked ?)

But my children weren't in the least bit boring. Anyone who says that looking after children is boring must be boring people themselves.

Absolutely. My nursing jobs didn’t even come close to being as fulfilling as being a SAHM, and nursing was really rewarding and versatile.

I’ve done a few office type jobs....now they were boring. Mind numbingly so.

blue25

I went back full time as I loved my career & financial independence was so important to me. I wanted my daughters to see a good example. I also have a great pension now which I feel I’ve earned.

Why is a mother who stays at home, or goes back to work part-time or does a mix of childcare and helping out in the community not a good example?

Found running a house and staying home boring Everyone is different

Find me someone who loves doing housework! (Well, apart from my Mum who sang while she worked ?)

But my children weren't in the least bit boring. Anyone who says that looking after children is boring must be boring people themselves.

I was early 30s when I had my first child, had worked for 14 or so years and wanted to give up work at that time and was happy to be able to do so. I threw myself into being a full time mother, amazed at how many activities there were that mums could take their pre school children to, I don't think they existed when I was young child, I was certainly never aware of my mother taking us to anything much pre school. Conversely I seemed to be out all the time involved in various mother and toddler groups. By the time my second one had started in reception, I was so over all that and was ready to go back to the cut and thrust of working life, albeit in a more limited way than before I had them.

I did mornings working for my husband's business. Most of the school holidays I had off, but occasionally fitted in a bit of work from home during those periods. Looking back I'm amazed at how much I did in a day, after dropping the kids off at school, I drove about 5 miles or so to work, scooted round the supermarket between car park and office picking up any necessities I'd made a mental note that we needed. Arrived at my desk 9.30 worked through till about 1. Usually home at 1.30 sat down for a cuppa and Neighbours! Haven't watched it for years, but I loved Neighbours back then, I'd been in Australia a couple prior to when it was launched so the Aussie accent was still fresh in my mind, this was my important rest and relaxation time before the afternoon onslaught! After that I tidied up, loaded the dishwasher and washing machine, sometimes did some ironing, usually watching some more daytime distraction whilst doing that, such as Take The High Road, would managed to catch the end of that before heading back to school for the 3.30 pick up. Around that time made the mistake of offering to take another child to and from school who was in my younger child's class. This came about when I noticed that his mother who was on our route was heavily pregnant and it was a long walk for her so I offered. That stretched into a couple of years until I could stand in no more. Quite fraught because the little boy was somewhat difficult, various reasons, new baby, new step father, he often tried to wind my older child up, who stupidly rose to it and had frequent spats, had to separate them and get my older one to sit in the front with me. Although he also fell out with my younger one too and their arguments sometimes got physical at times. Eventually it all got to me so I had to stop taking him, which I'd been urged to by some friends at the school, the child's mother was a well known liberty taker and would sometimes not be at home when I came to drop him off, so then I had no alternative but to take him back to ours and if she was really late, give him his tea too. It wasn't unknown for her to return at around 6 having been shopping, not for food either Looking back I must have been a mug Anyway after that she wound the teachers up by constantly being late to drop him off and pick him up.

Life did calm down a bit after that although I do remember having to go back to school again after 3.30 as one or the other needed picking up from after school activities. Then it was tea, homework, bath, bed, husband came home and gave me a hand with all of that whilst I cooked our evening meal. After that it was definitely our time sometimes with a glass to wind down with.

On the subject of finances, we have always been completely transparent with each other about money, but I definitely never wanted a joint back account after having had one with husband number one, I hated all that accounting for every penny, and vowed never to have a joint one again. That works for us, we have a pool of shared investments, but day to day minutiae of spending is something we prefer to keep separate, we both feel exactly the same on the subject. Horses for courses I guess!

Husband, now ex, had a habit of not paying the bills. When I divorced him I found he hadn’t even paid the insurance premiums on our endowment mortgage. I had to work!

Floradora , people decide what is right for them , I am sure you understand that. I worked part time when my children were in school but always took them to school and was at the school to collect at home time. Your post does appear judgemental, each to their own .

Callistemon21

^Financial independence^

Did you not have a joint account when you weren't working?

My thought completely.

We have had joint accounts for all our married lives. We are in this together.

I went back to work when my eldest was 10 months old mortgages were sky high in 77 doing 1 night a week as a midwife .It kept me up to date and gave us extra money for the necessities I went without up to then Always worked since then apart from 2more maternity leaves Mainly been the breadwinner .Found running a house and staying home boring Everyone is different

Financial independence

Did you not have a joint account when you weren't working?

I went back full time as I loved my career & financial independence was so important to me. I wanted my daughters to see a good example. I also have a great pension now which I feel I’ve earned.

My husband was constantly away from home, often at very short notice and for indefinite periods of time. From March to October I was effectively a single parent, with a DH who was away more often than home and whose presences were always uncertain. This period was only about 10 years, but it covered most of DC youngest years.

I have asked my adult children how this affected them, and they said it didn't. It was what their Daddy did and he was a loving and indulgent Daddy when he was at home, so they were quite content.

I stayed at home until my youngest was 4 and started school and then worked school hours. DS completely forgot I had been going back to work and did not remember for several days, that between taking him to school and collecting him in the afternoon, I had actually gone to work at a research centre close to his school.

Having had a working mother myself and been completely unbothered by it, I didn't see why it should bother my children, and it didn't. I do not do this guilt trip business. If it makes you feel guilty, don't do it.

Went to school
Went to TeacherTraining College for my B.Ed at 18
Got married.
Taught ( applied everywhere and ended up in Cornwall !!!! )
Had 3 under fives,
My gap year ( which I loved, just being at home with my 3 little girls) started the September the youngest was born !
Moved house/ County that year too.
Eldest started school and the Headmaster found out I was a teacher , so back to Supply I went !
Taught ever since, short term contracts / supply / permanent contracts too.
Stopped in March 2020 at age nearly 63.
Have not been back !

I was at home for nearly ten years with my two DC. I began a very part time job when the youngest was six. I am so glad I was able to spend those early years with them. My DH was away at sea most of the time and we had no family nearby. Work hours increased slowly as they grew. Now I help regularly with DGC. Their parents both work very hard, and two wages are needed. People need to do what suits their circumstances. No right or wrong.