Your day as a newspaper headline

That's is so bad.

Woman claims free drink at Costa and doesn't buy cake!!

DiW1

PENSIONER INJURED IN JAMMY DODGER RELATED INJURY.
Plucky pensioner (66) was under the kitchen table trying to scrape the half-term induced explosion of squashed Jammy Dodgers and exploded felt tips off her kitchen floor when the doorbell rang and she banged her head on the kitchen table. The brave elderly woman crawled out and managed to phone a friend to complain about her grandchildren and intends to send a letter to her MP about the possibility of cancelling all future half term holidays. The plucky pensioner has also sent contraceptive pills to both daughter-in-laws and turned her phone off due to anticipated massive family row.

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Mollygo

62Granny I hope you’re OK!

Yes I am fine, a very large dressing and a bit shook up when I happened.
Just frustrating, as hubby is disabled and can only use 1 hand and has poor mobility so I am the chief cook and bottle washer, driver etc.

OAP queries Opticians' bill. Turns out eyes fine but brain in great need of treatment.

Woman lights fire and puts feet up with glass of wine!
(DH away for a golf jolly in Portugal)

(Sub headline could be ‘wife harbours murderous thought after being woken by said DH leaving for airport at 4am’)

Woman eats her weight in afternoon tea!!!

Granny gets new pink trainers after warning by daughter that running shoes should be exchanged after 500 miles wear

Explosion in kitchen of local Granny.
Eggs for sandwiches still edible.

The eggs were in an egg boiler. I put them in upside down.

62Granny I hope you’re OK!

Women ends up in A& E after trying to save her husband's wheelchair from tipping backwards

Reality I have my had a bash and a nasty scape trying to stop his motorised wheelchair tipping backwards , he was fine ( he had approached a door frame a bit to fast.) I on the other hand ( pun) bled like a stuffed pig.

Gutsy Grandmother wins 4 hour standoff with granddaughters on Twix bar ownership.

WOMAN TOTALLY FRUSTRATED BY LOCAL HOSPITAL 'S CARE OF HER FATHER RESORTS TO TEARS FOLLOWED BY STRAWBERRY GATEAUX AND TEA AT PATISSERIE VALERIE .

White haired old lady is transformed into a younger woman!

This involved a long wait and lots of running water, but the plucky pensioner finally managed to rinse off all the hair colour and dry her new ash blonde hair.

Woman, aged almost 82, looks forward to her 21st birthday in two years time.

Woman in her mid 60’s diagnosed with dangerously high blood pressure………?

OAP gets shock of her life when new photo is required for renewal of bus pass. "Who's that hideous old biddy?" she gasped when not one of the photos discharged by the booth was actually of the lovely young thing she mistakenly thought she still was,

"I had me hair done special," she protested as burly security manhandled her off the premises.

Elderly woman taking part in Zoom Pilates class in her home nearly dies of embarrassment after realising that sounds emitting from her rear were probably audible to the rest of the class after she had accidentally un-muted herself.

Camouflaged woman under surveillance by neighbours !!!

( actually wrestling with a 10ft Eucalyptus tree that needs moving ?)

California Senior Citizen finds ice on her garden fountain this morning!

Woman found literally pounding own head with fist due to frustration. When asked by retirement home manager why the woman apparently replied she was giving up trying to persuade her 96 yr old mother with dementia to stop peeing in various receptacles and to use the toilet ?

Local woman wonders why Vets are so expensive after spending over £100 for boosters for two cats.

Music Teacher’s Husband Clears Out Kitchen Cupboard Without Even Being Asked.
This monumental feat was achieved while the music teacher was enjoying coffee with a friend. The music teacher needed the lunch out with her husband which followed to recover from the shock.

All change at the Sazz1 house after recently being invaded by several relatives
Beds they are a changing

Woman was shocked when logging onto her nail salon.

When logging on this morning expecting to book for next week, I was shocked to find they had an appointment for today.