Gransnet forums


Your day as a newspaper headline

(222 Posts)
lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 24-Feb-22 16:12:10

Just for fun, if your 'doings' today (no matter how mundane) were to appear as a newspaper headline, how would it read?

Mine would be, 'OAP takes bus to town to collect lottery winnings.'

(Just £5 in reality, but better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick).

Pollyj Thu 24-Feb-22 16:16:20

Woman videos rook desperately clinging to fat ball dispenser as it spins.

AGAA4 Thu 24-Feb-22 16:17:02

Mine headline would read "grandmother struck down by virus passed on by 2 year old"

Blossoming Thu 24-Feb-22 16:22:40

Disabled OAP in chemical spill poisoning incident

(I have been cleaning out the en-suite and managed to drop the bleach bottle after doing the shower drain. If only I’d remembered the left hand doesn’t work! The fumes are noxious in a confined space.)

FannyCornforth Thu 24-Feb-22 16:23:55

Derby Woman Guilty of Neglect of Elderly Cat!

The retired teacher (50) was once again shamed by the state of the Maine Coon’s (7) coat.

A friend of the Cat is reported to have said,
‘it’s not entirely the woman’s fault; the Cat is actually quite a difficult sod’.

Last year, the jury heard, the Cat’s unruly behaviour caused her to be thrown out of a local Veterinary Clinic.

The Case continues

FannyCornforth Thu 24-Feb-22 16:25:43

It should be ‘charged with neglect’, I changed my story half way through
Love yours Pollysmile

Cherrytree59 Thu 24-Feb-22 16:26:10

Hunky men in florescent orange uniform trims woman's Bush.


Giant conifer falls in snow storm.
felled by same men in florescent orange gear

Peasblossom Thu 24-Feb-22 16:32:00

Pensioner dies of boredom

FannyCornforth Thu 24-Feb-22 16:45:07

Bedroom Goes Un-Vacuumed -

Redhead56 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:00:03

Mine would be what happened just two hours ago. I plugged in my new slow cooker and it blew the electrics in the kitchen. Needless to say it was promptly returned to the shop I bought it from.

paddyann54 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:00:24

Woman gets stuck between tumble dryer and wall

I was trying to be helpful and move it on my own but its bloomin heavy ..much heavier than the old one ,I got an earful off my OH when I had to yell for him to come downstairs and free me .

Warbler Thu 24-Feb-22 17:02:17

Booted out..........Comfort to die for.

(Went to buy myself a new pair of walking boots and socks........aaah. Bliss)

Cs783 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:04:36

Chilling crimes! Pensioner (70) raids biscuit tin, recklessly boils kettle, only to let tea freeze while she plans how her gang can expand their operations across local town.

crazyH Thu 24-Feb-22 17:11:35

Decided I wouldn’t buy another Home Bargains carrier bag (have a whole heap of them at home and always forget to take one with me ). Result ? On my way to my car dropped everything ,and embarrassingly, in front of another car and the driver had to wait while I sheepishly picked up everything, all itty bitty things, ibuprofen tabs, toothpaste, toothbrush post it notes and…….pantiliners. Embarrassing !

grannyactivist Thu 24-Feb-22 17:13:14

The Last Straw!
GA, granny and charity worker, reports that the invasion of Ukraine will be her undoing.

Article contents include:
Death of mother
Premature birth of 25 week twins
Caring responsibilities
Homeless interventions
Mental illness
Military losses

Caution: this article may cause vicarious trauma, please read with caution!

Ladyleftfieldlover Thu 24-Feb-22 17:13:25

Local woman attends Book Group where everyone hated the set book. ‘Was it written for teenagers?’ someone asked.

Kate1949 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:14:08

Woman ate sausage and bacon roll despite her intention to start a diet.

AGAA4 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:16:10

Phantom cat heard yowling every night around midnight.

Jaxjacky Thu 24-Feb-22 17:19:03

Grandma actually runs as she’s caught in a gusty sleet shower.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 24-Feb-22 17:19:36

Woman finished off stash of cheese despite intention to start diet. Claimed her actions were carried out to prevent waste and save the planet.

Yammy Thu 24-Feb-22 17:25:27

OAP visits local hospital expecting physio on back . Only to be told that computers were down. She was subjected to a 3/4 of an hour questioning of a form she had already filled in. Also asked why she had self-referred when really she had been told to over the phone by a G.P.
Next instalment on Monday lunchtime. Will there be an actual physical examination one asks?angry

Elizabeth27 Thu 24-Feb-22 17:39:51

Local women has curtains that match bedding

Four years after moving house Elizabeth27 has finally hung the curtains in her bedroom that match the bedding.

MissAdventure Thu 24-Feb-22 17:55:32

Woman in nighty spends 3 hours 2 mins on hold to job centre.

Aveline Thu 24-Feb-22 18:00:47

Woman prises giant Maine Coon off knee. 'What a relief,' says plucky pensioner 67, 'Now I can go and get a cup of tea.'

MissAdventure Thu 24-Feb-22 18:03:15

Courageous woman singlehandedly tackles sturdy spider next to the toilet.