Your day as a newspaper headline

Little (!!!) Old Lady found in kitchen covered on gore.

She has promised to thump the person who did not replace the lid on the left over salsa.

Woman who failed at starting a diet yesterday and has been invited out to lunch today, tries to muster willpower to order a salad.

Woman watches as husband and son-in-law bravely and heroically chop up very large prickly tree felled in storm. "So glad I'm a feeble woman at times like this" she was heard to mutter as she went to put the kettle on.

Scottish couple lose hotel room key twice in same week. Angry scenes as husband and wife blame each other. Readers are warned that this story contains strong language which some may find offensive.

Woman (53) braves the cold (finally emerged from under the duvet)

Pensioner forced to trawl charity shops to buy duvet covers for her elderly dogs duvet.

Yorkshire grandmother battles ice and freezing temperatures to maintain a healthy and safe environment for the future.

Defrosted fridges and freezer ?????

Woman (80) still trapped in her flat for over 2 years.

76-year-old woman finally sells he sister's house after two years.

Pensioner asks young male shop assistant ' do you have fat balls?' Outside shop realised she should have added 'for the birds!'

OAP to drive wife to the moon and back.

The museum of the moon is on show at Lincoln Cathedral and I've promised to take Beloved.

Elderly woman bravely approaches glamourous sales person and buys make up. "It's taken me years to pluck up the courage" she confides to anyone willing to listen.

Woman stares aimlessly at computer screen.

Old lady hears of the premature death of her DD best friend. The loving 48 yr old mother dies on operating table . ?. RIP

OAP waits in house all day for washing machine delivery.

‘Pensioner succeeds in deadly climb without safety gear’
Actually me with my arthritic hip ascending small steps to clean top of kitchen cupboards ?

'Woman has baby' - sensational report from the Palace.

Elderly woman dressed in purple and red seen in public library. Do not approach.

Breaking news, 60 year old woman, has shower and gets dressed. This amazing achievement was last managed on wedensday.

Woman hangs washing outside for the first time this year

Woman wrestles with jam jar lid.

Woman Galvanises Self to Stake Raspberry Canes.

Plucky Granny battles fierce coastal winds to post long overdue heavy music score.

Elderly woman bravely makes it down the cellar steps and back to read her electricity meter.

It was a tough call she said, the steps are steep and made of stone. And after the shock of reading the meter it was twice as hard getting back up. She had to hold onto the stair rail with some force.

Hail to the chief! DH takes our dog for a walk and ends up in a hailstorm.