Your day as a newspaper headline

Local women has curtains that match bedding

Four years after moving house Elizabeth27 has finally hung the curtains in her bedroom that match the bedding.

OAP visits local hospital expecting physio on back . Only to be told that computers were down. She was subjected to a 3/4 of an hour questioning of a form she had already filled in. Also asked why she had self-referred when really she had been told to over the phone by a G.P.
Next instalment on Monday lunchtime. Will there be an actual physical examination one asks?

Woman finished off stash of cheese despite intention to start diet. Claimed her actions were carried out to prevent waste and save the planet.

Grandma actually runs as she’s caught in a gusty sleet shower.

Phantom cat heard yowling every night around midnight.

Woman ate sausage and bacon roll despite her intention to start a diet.

Local woman attends Book Group where everyone hated the set book. ‘Was it written for teenagers?’ someone asked.

The Last Straw!
GA, granny and charity worker, reports that the invasion of Ukraine will be her undoing.

Article contents include:
Death of mother
Premature birth of 25 week twins
Caring responsibilities
Homeless interventions
Mental illness
Military losses

Caution: this article may cause vicarious trauma, please read with caution!

Decided I wouldn’t buy another Home Bargains carrier bag (have a whole heap of them at home and always forget to take one with me ). Result ? On my way to my car dropped everything ,and embarrassingly, in front of another car and the driver had to wait while I sheepishly picked up everything, all itty bitty things, ibuprofen tabs, toothpaste, toothbrush post it notes and…….pantiliners. Embarrassing !

Chilling crimes! Pensioner (70) raids biscuit tin, recklessly boils kettle, only to let tea freeze while she plans how her gang can expand their operations across local town.

Booted out..........Comfort to die for.

(Went to buy myself a new pair of walking boots and socks........aaah. Bliss)

Woman gets stuck between tumble dryer and wall

I was trying to be helpful and move it on my own but its bloomin heavy ..much heavier than the old one ,I got an earful off my OH when I had to yell for him to come downstairs and free me .

Mine would be what happened just two hours ago. I plugged in my new slow cooker and it blew the electrics in the kitchen. Needless to say it was promptly returned to the shop I bought it from.

Bedroom Goes Un-Vacuumed -
Again!

Pensioner dies of boredom

Hunky men in florescent orange uniform trims woman's Bush.

Or

Giant conifer falls in snow storm.
felled by same men in florescent orange gear

It should be ‘charged with neglect’, I changed my story half way through
Love yours Polly

Derby Woman Guilty of Neglect of Elderly Cat!

The retired teacher (50) was once again shamed by the state of the Maine Coon’s (7) coat.

A friend of the Cat is reported to have said,
‘it’s not entirely the woman’s fault; the Cat is actually quite a difficult sod’.

Last year, the jury heard, the Cat’s unruly behaviour caused her to be thrown out of a local Veterinary Clinic.

The Case continues

Disabled OAP in chemical spill poisoning incident

(I have been cleaning out the en-suite and managed to drop the bleach bottle after doing the shower drain. If only I’d remembered the left hand doesn’t work! The fumes are noxious in a confined space.)

Mine headline would read "grandmother struck down by virus passed on by 2 year old"

Woman videos rook desperately clinging to fat ball dispenser as it spins.