Please tell me I am not being selfish!

"Please tell me I am not being selfish!"

You are absolutely not. In effect, if you allowed your "friend" to live with you so that she can use the proceeds of sale to fund her daughter's divorce and mortgage, then it would mean you would be funding these things.

If you felt lonely and wanted a houseshare you might choose to sell one of the houses and use the proceeds to travel the world or take annual cruises.
But you don't want a houseshare and you don't want to fund the divorce and mortgage. So the answer has to be NO.

Meanwhile I think you should advise your friend to stop funding the divorce and tell her daughter she must "agree terms" post haste! (Or lose everything!)
Perhaps your friend should also stop paying any of the mortgage, if she's beggared herself over the legal fees, and can't afford it without making herself homeless.

Good Luck. Don't let someone else's unwise decisions lead you to an unhappy outcome. Nor let the mutual "friend" badger you into saving her from the same unhappy outcome.

How would this story end? When your long-term friend's money from the house sale runs out, will she be asking you to give up your housekeeping money?

Be strong. Be firm. Be sensible.

No you are not being g selfish.

Good God no! I would suggest that the selfish daughter would be far more willing to reach some sort of settlement if her foolish mother wasn’t endlessly funding her.

No would be a good thing to tell her. Especially as her daughter, who, as I read, has had all her money to pay her mortgage ..........how awful that she does not offer her a home.......I am sure if she ever needed to go into care the provider would take into account her wilfull disposal of her assets by supporting her daughter financially ............hard to tell her but you must ! good luck

I don’t think you’re being selfish, and no way would I take the friend in in your place. I agree with everyone else.

NO, NO. NO! Don't agree to taking in your friend. It will be a disaster if you like to have private, alone time and then you will both become resentful. It is not on and you are quite likely to become her carer...... and the daughter won't be anywhere to be seen re you are there all the time, so everything is hunky dory. I agree she is selfish.
Don't do it. It is an imposition too far.
I too would tell the mutual friend to keep out and to stop guilt tripping you.

I have scrolled through the seven pages of replies and NOT ONE thinks it's a good idea. The general feeling is that the mutual friend should take her in - watch her run at that suggestion. I don't know your circumstances and have no wish to but if you have close family is there anyone who could tell your friend, her daughter and the mutual friend that the answer is NO and further pressure will be viewed as harassment? This friendship would not be a loss.

I reiterate what others have said. Stand firm and say NO.

Please don’t do it. You already know it wouldn’t work. I can understand your feeling guilty but it’s easier to live with that feeling than with the unhappiness you would feel. Stay strong. Her daughter is very selfish, not you.

DON'T DO IT!

The friend got herself into this mess. She ignored advice from others. I am afraid, she has made her bed and must lie in it - and not yours.

Goodness me! Not in a million years, your friends daughter has a blooming cheek in the first place sounds very entitled! The cheek of it and your friend wants to move in with you, I bet she does!! Got it all worked out for you hasn’t she! Her daughter doesn’t want her mother living with her but wants her mothers help, it sounds as if they both have it all worked out! And another friend trying to convince you to take first friend in! Quite honestly I’ve never heard anything like it

Agree with everyone else, friend is effectively making herself homeless , you are not housing services, this stymies any choices you want to make about your living arrangements later as in one of your children /GC may want temporary accommodation with you, you may (perish the thought) want to live somewhere else and what do you do with your guest then ? It’s all a nightmare, do not allow her to live with you.

Suggest to your mutual friend that she offers her a home !

Do not do it ! She is not your responsibility. Distance yourself from this.

Moved in not on...

No way! And what would happen to this friend if she did move on and then you became ill and has to go into a home or something? Don't do this.

Never, never, never. This is absolutely unreasonable, and if her own daughter will not have her why should you?
Why is your friend giving money to lawyers? If legal fees are costing so much your friend has to sell her house, it is time for her daughter to walk away, no matter how unfair it seems.

Every comment here a good one. To me it sounds like your “friends” aren’t really.

“No” is such a good word, not one women use often enough. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into believing you are in the wrong.

Keep strong and remember we’re all behind you on this.

No, not selfish at all. You could remain friends if you don't take her in, but if you do, I reckon the friendship would end very quickly and bitterly.

No way should you give this a second thought END of.

Definitely do not do it! And why doesn’t this mutual friend offer her a home? As for the daughter, she sounds awful.

I haven't read all the posts, but is anyone else wondering if the friend is being conned out of money by her DD, (and possibly the SIL?)
Is the friend paying the Solicitor's bill herself, or giving the daughter cash for the alleged bills?
It makes you wonder! Is Mum going to end up with no house, and all the proceeds from the sale siphoned off? If you think that no one would treat their mother like that, then think again. Someone I know had a narrow escape from having the house sold from over her head by an unscrupulous daughter.

Do not do this,it would drive you crazy,also if you die first what happens ( this ladies daughter would probably go after your house) stick by your guns.Maybe your other wise friend could have her,verbalized this every time you see her,really rub it in you could actually have some fun,if not suggest a nice rest home.

Have a good think about how important this friendship is toyou. Then chose a public place , cafe, swimming pool etc. You could then say how much you value her friendship, but you can see that this could break it up, and you would be sorry to let this happen, so from now on you are not going to discuss it at all . That seems to me a way of showing how much you care about her, and that if that is a no go area to talk about, your friendship may survive. If It does not it is a shame but better than bullied into doing something you dont want to do. Alternatively , let me know and I will ring them up and tell them in no uncertain terms to a) mind their own business b) ask when they can come round to check their house as obviously their house would be better , nay ideal, to use, and watch them retreat!!