Please tell me I am not being selfish!

Absolutely not! You didn’t invite her, she assumed you would be happy with her suggestion. Make sure you don’t allow yourself to be trodden over. STAND YOUR GROUND! Good luck.

Don't even consider it.
She will be a constant drain on your time, emotions and possibly your finances.
Explain that you would find it impossible to live with some else at your age and although you feel sorry for her if her daughter won't have her why should you?

No, you are not being selfish. Why on earth your long time friends has allowed herself to get into this position is beyond me!
I suspect the mutual friend might have been approached to take her in too, hence you're being convince to offer accommodation.
Plus, her own daughter is refusing to take her in after she's been bank rolling the divorce also sets alarm bells ringing.
Stand your ground, refuse to be talked into it and enjoy your home all to yourself.

Not selfish at all. You privacy and a modicum of solitude is important to you. Stick with it. Although your friend's predicament is of concern to you it is nonetheless her problem and not yours. You have to be strong short term or you may be miserable long term. Not easy, I know, but doable. Good luck and stay resolute.

I am like you and value my privacy so I can see where you are coming from. You are definitely not being selfish, you are being subjected to emotional blackmail and I hope you have the strength to withhold it. I think these are friends you can do without. Regarding the friend who is financing her daughter’s costly divorce I am reminded if what my Mum would have said : ‘A fool and his money are soon parted.’ Your friends are wrong to have put you in this position and I send you my best wishes.

You are definitely not being selfish.
Your friend and her daughter have got themselves in this situation. It's up to them to sort out their joint financial problems.
You are not letting anyone down and the mutual friend should not be putting any pressure on you.
Just refuse to discuss it any further with either of them.

You're not being selfish, she is. And you are not letting your friend down, you are not responsible for her life, her family, her finances, her decisions.

You are being treated badly by these people, it's coercion although threats aren't being used, I hope.

Be strong, don't be treated like this. If you lose a 'friendship' from this so be it. 'Friend' is sounding like a parasite.

Oh that’s a hard one but I understand your reluctance.

If your friend is paying her dd mortgage it’s unreasonable of the daughter to refuse to have her.

While she is only talking about selling her house encourage her not to or if she does, to downsize so she keeps a home fir herself.

Actually your friend should not be beggaring herself to pay fir her daughters divorce, mortgage,

Stick to your guns, and dont feel badly about it.
Sounds harsh, but shes made her bed.....

Goodness! Absolutely not! Your mutual friend has been recruited as a 'flying monkey' as Mumsnet would say. It is not on that you are being pressured to take in your friend, no matter how good a friend she is. This situation is not yours to fix.

No you are not being selfish. Your friend and her daughter are being hugely cheeky in expecting you to give up your privacy and rearrange your life in order to accommodate the daughter. If the house is being sold for her benefit then she should be the one making the big compromise and having her mother to live with her.

And the other friend should be keeping her beak out. It has nothing to do with her.

I would never consider doing this even if the friend wasn’t wasting all that money on solicitors. No divorce should take 4 years unless one or other party is being ridiculously stubborn.

Just say no !

Gosh...NO NO NO. Don’t do it. Your friend has made all these decisions, hopefully without being railroaded into it....but even if she was, it is not for you to clear up the mess.

I hate it when someone completely uninvolved in something gets put upon because of someone else’s decisions/ problems.

It’s really sad she’s in this mess, and I would have advised her to stop well before she reached this point of selling her house. Her daughter sounds selfish and greedy to me.

That aside...it’s not your problem. Help to prevent her selling her house if you can. If she was such a good friend, she wouldn’t be burdening you with this.

Do look after yourself.

No, you are not selfish at all. However much I love my daughter, I would not sell my house to finance her divorce. Your friend is rather foolish. And please dont support her. I too value my privacy and wouldn’t want anyone invading it.

NO! Don’t do it.
What sort of daughter would allow her very elderly mother to be in the position of having to sell her home to finance her own divorce?

Four years is a ridiculously long time for divorce negotiations to have continued. Brilliant for the solicitors but a disaster for everyone else.

You must stand firm on this.
In your position I would have a word with my friend and gently but firmly say that it’s not going to happen.
Don’t allow yourself to be coerced into a decision that you would undoubtedly regret.

NO ! This is a time to stand your ground if ever there was. Remember if you read on another thread the wise words….
You simply say “ It doesn’t work for me” don’t say anything else.

Oh goodness - you are not being selfish at all - I am surprised that your friend has even asked this; and that another friend is putting you under pressure.

Whilst it is part of friendship to OFFER appropriate help when we are able to, it is put of order to be asking such a big "favour." She is wanting you to change your whole lifestyle to accommodate the choices that she has made in life.

She is a grown adult and must make the right choices for her; but must not expect others to pick up the pieces.

Selling her house to fund her daughter's needs is a bad decision - especially as this same daughter refuses to have her live with her!

You are not selfish at all. It is a huge step she is asking you to take, and as you rightly say you will finish up as her carer without a doubt.

My friends always rally round me when I am in a pickle, but never, never would I ask this of them - I would not even ask it of my children!

You will have to be firm with this friend - not easy I know - but necessary.

Of course you are not being selfish, your friends D sounds the selfish one. Her mum has been financing her D's divorce for 4 years, is prepared to sell her home to release further funds, but her D doesn't want her to live with her.

I'm sorry to say that IMO your friend has been and continues to be rather foolish. It is not your responsibility to take her in. Perhaps your mutual friend would consider doing so.

If your mutual friend is so concerned let them take her in.

If your daughter was paying her own solicitors bills the divorce would have been settled ages ago but as long as the bills are paid solicitors will argue ad infinitum

Stop paying and don’t let friend move in.

Many thanks for all the supportive replies. When she first started financing her daughter's divorce I did advise her against it - I am sure it would not have dragged on for so long if she wasn't supplying the funds!

I have made it as clear as I can that I am not prepared to have her move in, but feel I am being put under pressure now our mutual friend has joined in. I think I just needed the support and wise counsel of GNs !

Absolutely right Katie59 don't get caught up in your friend's family problems Wade'snan the daughter sounds like a very selfish person.

The daughter does sound like a selfish brat. Expecting her elderly mother to finance her protracted divorce, allowing her to sell her house to do so and then expecting you to give her a home because she doesn't want to.
Absolutely this piece of work will also expect you to look after her mum, organise carers, have stair lifts put in etc if your friend's health deteriorates.

Just keep saying no. It's a word this spoilt madam obviously hasn't heard enough of in her life. Her mother is her responsibility not yours.

I would also be very explicit in telling the third friend that you don't appreciate her putting pressure on you and don't want to discuss it any further.