Please tell me I am not being selfish!

AND! I feel a con coming on.......why not also sell your house to fund this dodgy woman and her (does he actually exist?) Soon to be ex husband's divorce???

Fear not, I have your solution!! Your mutual "friend"( who needs enemies ") can take her in! Simples!!!?☹️

Why on earth is it taking 4 years so far to settle a divorce, is the couple millionaires or something? And even ore importantly, why us your friend funding it for her daughter? Definitely not your problem but if you let your friend live with you it will soon become your problem. The daughter is needing to address her divorce and no one else. Don't get involved.

Does it not give your friend pause for thought that the daughter won't give her houseroom, while mother is bankrupting herself on daughter's behalf?

Your friend may choose to make sacrifices for the benefit of her daughter, but you don't have to.

Definitely NO
over 100 replies have said the same that must tell you
what a very very bad idea it is.

Someone has suggested you change your locks and go away for a break, & don’t answer the phone from any of the three bullies.I think that is very good advice.
Even if you don’t think anyone has your door key you need to
protect yourself and change the locks.

my feeling is the same as the other GN’s the daughter is a disgrace.As for bills for divorce 4 years I hope her mother has actually seen the bills and not just handed over what ever the daughter has said they are.
I am very suspicious of this daughter
Stick to NoNoNo

You are not being selfish at all. When she suggested moving in with you, did she say she would pay for the accommodation? You don't need a lodger at your time in life. Living with another person is hard. Her daughter sounds very selfish. Please do not be talked into this. Just say no.

You have an absolute right to say NO. You are not obliged to explain or defend your position.

Stand your ground. It would most likely lead to resentment and loss of the friendship and loss of your independence if you go down this route.
You don't need to make excuses, just say it's something you couldn't do.
As others have said - the daughter should take her mother to live with her if necessary.
Don't even say yes if she suggests it would only be for a month till she finds a smaller house/somewhere to rent, as I think there would be a good chance she would expect it to become permanent.
We had a few friends very kindly offer to put us up after we were flooded out of our house. Totally different situation though and we stuck with what the insurer was able to provide - ended up taking 18 months to sort out, so I'm sure our friends would have got sick of us!

No you are definitely not!
Why would your friend think it was a good idea?
Also have to wonder why she is bankrolling the divorce proceedings _ no wonder it is taking so long, if they are not paying the bills, there's no hurry!
Just explain that although you love meeting up with and spending time with her etc, you really would prefer to continue to live on your own.
You could try that you snore , sleepwalk, stay awake and play loud music until the early hours or only actually have one bed as the other had to be destroyed due to being infested with bed bugs !!!

No way should you have your friend move in with you. If she decides to sell her house she could rent somewhere. You should not give up your independence - as she is supporting her daughter then the D should be responsible. This is not up to you. Time to step back and let this family sort itself out.

Please DONT do this! These people sound only concerned with their own selfish needs and are trying to use you for their convenience. They are emotional bullies!The third friend is interfering in a very thoughtless way and none of them are at all concerned with your well-being. If I were you, I would try to step back from this whole situation. Stand your ground, be strong and refuse to discuss their affairs further and if they still persist then have as little to do with them as you can. And tell them why!

Please take the advice here which is 100% say NO! Just think if the big mess which could happen if you died first - it could be this manipulative daughter would try to take over your house, as well as the problems your heirs would have with a sitting tenant!! Too many horrible 'maybe' situations to even consider it!!
Good luck.

Absolutely do not do it. Something to say might be, " Sorry but I am a very private person and that just wouldn't work for me".
Job done, there is nothing else to discuss.

if you want to ruin your friendship then take her in - better to be a friend at an arms length .

WadesNan - It's clear that your long-term friend is also a very poor judge of the situation as for her to be financing her daughter's very elongated divorce and considering selling her property to do that is nothing but bonkers. This means that if you live in close proximity to her your life will be a nightmare. I agree with Beswitched, tell your third friend to back off and that if she is so keen, she should offer to 'take her in' and lay the ground for becoming her carer. Please, please do not be moved from this position otherwise you will be spending an hour a week with a psychotherapist for the rest of your life.

Do not do it. It is her choice and her problem not yours.

No no no Don’t do it

As everyone on the thread as advised a definite NO it will be a recipe for disaster.
I’d also be asking this mutual friend if she is so bloody concerned about her why she is not offering to take her in.
Good luck

Absolutely don’t allow her to move in. You are not being selfish at all, just living your life in the way you want to and have every right to. It’s almost certain you would end up as her career and it’s the duty of the daughter to ensure her mother’s welfare, not you. After all the financial assistance she’s given to her daughter it is the daughter who is being selfish.p and ungrateful.

I’m sure you must feel resentful that she even asked, what a nerve she has and it seems she’s enlisted the aid of your mutual friend to try to persuade you. Don’t allow them this bullying coercive tactic, stand very firm. You are entitled to lead a peaceful and quiet life in your own home.

In 3 words , don't go there .
Please don't go there and don't be manipulated into allowing it .
I can't believe it would be expected of you .
Not selfish in the least. This isn't your drama or responsibility. Pull up the drawbridge and close the shutters .
Ha ha that was definitely more than 3 words !!

Her daughter is reaping the benefit of her mother bankrolling her, so let the daughter put her up. You are correct in assuming she will be dependent on you as she ages and maybe her health isn’t so good. I think it’s a darned cheek of her to even suggest moving in with you. Enjoy your private “me” time because if you agree to this deal your life will never be the same again.

DON’T DO IT!
DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT EITHER!

You are absolutely right in refusing to have her living with you in your home. I would refuse in your situation. If fact I would run a mile from it.

I concur .
Stand firm on this .
NO !

Past experience with friends (in their thirties) staying long term has taught me that -
you'll feel as though the house isn't your's .
Even your phone calls won't be private .
You'll find yourself not eating foods that you prefer and at a time that you don't like and watching TV programmes that you don't enjoy and longing to watch your favourites .

Having visitors becomes awkward .
Having to entertain their visitors becomes the norm .

You'll find it hard to escape from the house and have to resort to making excuses to go out and when you return you'll get reprimanded .

And so it goes on ...

I'm trying to remember a Tales of the Unexpected programme when an old friend moves in with her friend and drove her mad .

If this friend falls out with you it's no loss !

I'm very chatty and friendly ,but I value my privacy .
I'm not always that happy caring for my own father - much as I love him !

He doesn't like it if I go upstairs to read as he doesn't like watching TV on his own !

No, not selfish! No, don't do this! Stand your ground. (Excellent advice here from GNs!)