Inviting friend we don't know

Obviously we're not going to be rude to her
But we're a group of people who worked together 30 years ago and enjoy an annual get together. We don't invite partners or children. It's not about whether we like her or not. And we're not a 'gang' who go out regularly together. This is an annual catch up.

I would hope that, even if it’s a difficult situation, you would make her feel welcome. I was invited on a hen night for a friend that I used to be very close to. I loved seeing her family again, but her new friends were awful to me. My friend insisted that I share a table with them, and they completely ignored me. They even asked me to move away while they took a group photo. My old friend just went along with it and it really upset me. If it’s important to your friend that she comes then I think you should all make her welcome. She might be lovely and become one of the gang.

nadateturbe

^They may have been asked if they minded you going first though. The point here is...none of them were asked.^

If would never have occurred to her that they would mind. She's a lovely person and assumed her friends would be OK with it.

But maybe they weren't. If this friend of a friend comes along obviously we will be polite and friendly. But we would prefer it was just the old gang. That is the purpose of the weekend away.

Hetty58

How sad - and how very boring - that another person is so unwelcome. It's not as if she's been invited into your home, is it?

Why is it boring for a group of people to enjoy an annual relaxed reunion? Rather strange choice of words. Don't you have close groups of friends who just want to chill out together sometimes?

This is an annual get together, costing a significant amount of money, if a group of friends who rarely see each other. It is not a night at the cinema where an extra person isn't being made to feel welcome.

As I said to a previous poster, would some of you invite your sister along to a workplace reunion, your colleague to a school reunion, your husband to a hen party? Do you think that would be appropriate?

Lucca

Sorry I retract my comment. Bad mood. It’s a bit odd that original friend didn’t consult.

It depends if the new friend was FG!!

If I didn't get something, someone kindly explained the history.
Maybe her friend is lonely and has had a miserable time recently.
I thought during the pandemic we had learned to think more about each other.

I agree with you serendipity22

And I've also been in the same position as ExDancer, and quite frankly I found it devastating.

Hmmmm, I have given this a bit of thought and come to the conclusion, NO I WOULDN'T LIKE IT for various reasons. I would question why my friend feels the need to invite someone along who knows no one.

You all have a long standing knowledge of each other that this person won't have a clue about and so wouldn't be able to join in with the joke.

It would certainly make me feel awful that this friend was out in the cold on the whole weekend away AND i would be thinking has my friend invited a pal along because these weekends away are boring to her.

I was once the unwanted guest, although I didn't realise until about day 2 of a week's trip sharing a villa in Portugal. My friend said "I'm off for a week to Portugal with friends and there's room for another to share costs. Would you like to come?"
I spent a miserable holiday.
I don;t know how you can convey this message to your over hospitable friend, but you may save this 'interloper' from paying good money to feel like Billy no-mates.

Even though your friend should have checked in first with the group, I'm guessing that the new person will fit in. Firstly because she is a friend of your friend, and she has the same taste in adventures away. Give her the benefit of the doubt and you may make a new friend.

How sad - and how very boring - that another person is so unwelcome. It's not as if she's been invited into your home, is it?

Goodness me what a friendly lot some of you are! I bet the poor “ friend “ would be horrified if she knew how you felt.
I know lots of little cliques who are exactly the same.
I though that’s how we make friends, through friends.
Please be kind ?

Gosh don’t know where those years have gone cos it’s our 60ths next year.

When my two best friends and I were 50 we decided to go to London for the weekend and one of my friends asked if she could bring her neighbour who she was good friends with. She’d turned 50 a few months before. We said yes and actually she was lovely and we had a lovely time. But she had the curtesy to ask us first.

They may have been asked if they minded you going first though. The point here is...none of them were asked.

If would never have occurred to her that they would mind. She's a lovely person and assumed her friends would be OK with it.

I belong to a group of old friends going back years. We keep in touch at least once a year but only meet roughly every five years. We know all about each other’s families, we have similar interests and background, so a lot in common. It would be really weird if another person came along. It is not a question of not being welcoming. It would be really awkward. We dont even let husbands come!

Further to my previous comment, I do agree your friend should have asked first.

nadateturbe

I don't know why you're miffed either.
My best friend has a group of old neighbours who meet up for Christmas shopping and dinner once a year. She asked me if I would like to join them a few times. I had a lovely time and they were all friendly and welcoming. Yes, they had things in common but it didn't matter.
I think it's better to be kind to each other.

They may have been asked if they minded you going first though. The point here is...none of them were asked.

I'm going against the grain here. It wouldn't bother me if an extra person came too, especially as Beswitched says, this lady has been dying to stay in this particular hotel. If your longstanding friend likes her then why not give this new lady a chance? You might enjoy her company and if not it's only for a weekend.

I don't know why you're miffed either.
My best friend has a group of old neighbours who meet up for Christmas shopping and dinner once a year. She asked me if I would like to join them a few times. I had a lovely time and they were all friendly and welcoming. Yes, they had things in common but it didn't matter.
I think it's better to be kind to each other.

Well it seems a bit strange, I can’t really see why she would want to go, I certainly wouldn’t.
Maybe there are specific reasons your friend has invited her, I can’t really see that wanting to stay in an Hotel is good enough reason.
But I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for her, it doesn’t seem she’ll be made very welcome.

Not quite the same I know, but we were invited for a meal to the home of another couple years ago. When we got there...there were two more, a mother and daughter ( grown up), I think. We knew them from church, but had never really taken to the whole family, so the evening was spoiled for us.

At least you have been forewarned, but a holiday is a much bigger deal than one meal. I think you should have been asked first though, before she was invited. However, it will be harder for her I would imagine, not knowing the rest of you.

I do hope you still get to enjoy your break.

She should have asked but maybe her friend is lonely and doesn't have many friends so she was trying to be kind. With the world the way it is I think we could all be kinder. If it doesn't work out you can always ask her not to do this again.

I’m surprised the friend herself didn’t decide that it wouldn’t be a good idea to be the odd one out in a get together of long established friends.

I would feel quite uncomfortable in that scenario.