Inviting friend we don't know

I really don’t know why you are miffed!

If you are ALL so miffed just say she can’t come, in a spirit of goodwill to all …

FannyCornforth

I really don’t know why you are miffed!

Well, actually I do. Five of us, ex work colleagues, meet up for a meal every now and then. I just thought about how I would feel if one of them suddenly announced she was bringing someone else who none of us knew. I wouldn’t be pleased really.

I think it would have been courteous for the rest of the group to have been asked beforehand if they minded another person coming along. If you have been meeting up for thirty years, you will obviously have things to chat and laugh about that will mean nothing to the new lady. I would think she might feel quite out of it.

I would be miffed at that, as it changes the atmosphere. Old friends catching up and reminiscing over times together then add someone you don't know to the mix? What if everyone said they would also bring a friend that the rest didn't know? If your friend had asked the rest of you if it was ok first, and everyone agreed, that would be different. No, I'm with you.

It might have been an idea for the friend to have asked you all if you’d mind if the other lady came along.

Sorry I retract my comment. Bad mood. It’s a bit odd that original friend didn’t consult.

If everyone brought along a friend no-one knew, you would have a party!
But one unknown introduced into an annual meet-up will alter the dynamics; it would have been courteous to have discussed it first.

Fannycornforth

Would you bring your next door neighbour to a school reunion or a colleague to a family get together?

There are some occasions that are about a specific group, with something in common, having a get together and catch up.

Ok. Perhaps I shouldn’t be on this thread as I’ve got quite a bit in my plate at the moment.
And I’m not exactly an expert on social occasions.
I’ll leave you to it.
I hope that you enjoy your get together

I wouldnt like it. There is no guarantee that because your friend likes them that you will too.

I was invited to join colleagues for a weekend away, they had been going together for many years.
I declined as I felt it would spoil the dynamic.

Adding into an established group isn’t on without checking first. Plain good manners really.

My local gang of friends fell apart during Covid, sadly, but if one of us had brought along someone else to our lunches back in the day, then our feathers would definitely have been ruffled and there would have been lots of clucking! Muffled clucking, out of good manners, but definitely clucking!

Some people are just thick skinned. I know someone like this and she has a habit of bringing random people to the group we are in. Not one of them has stayed in the group even though we have all tried to make them feel welcome. I think it is rude not to at least ask if it is ok to bring someone else along.

It's one extra person. You can either choose to be friendly to this lady, or leave your friend to keep her company.

To be honest I think it’s a bit weird that one of the ladies has invited a lady that no one knows to a get together like this, just because she would like to stay in the hotel, I think it’s very rude. And quite a strange thing to do

We occasionally went on short holidays abroad with a group of mutual friends we had known for years. We did our own thing and met up with everyone for drinks and meals when it suited us. That worked well for us until a couple in the group invited another couple none of us knew.
They were the most obnoxious people we had ever met they were up their own arses about everything they owned etc. Our days were being planned by this couple who we couldn’t warm too. They tried their best to domineer the holiday arranging this and that insisting on games of charades etc every evening. This arrangement didn’t suit us so the trips abroad with the group came to an end.

6 school friends had a reunion after not seeing each other for about 10 years. One of the ladies bought along 2 friends who no one else knew, who hadn’t even been to our school. The three of them chatted to each other and as the 2 ‘outsiders’ couldn’t join in the “do you remember when...” conversations it was all a bit awkward.
Beswitched - I would ask your friend if maybe her friend might become a little bored as you all know each other so well and she will be on the periphery of the group, and that maybe the two of them can go to the hotel on their own some other time.

Was just thinking exactly that, N. Group should suggest that she and unknown friend should visit hotel on separate occasion. Sorted.

I know this situation can go downhill when someone new is brought into an established group.
We went on holiday as a family and always got on well. My son's girlfriend asked her mum along and this woman just didn't fit in. She wanted everything her own way and had tantrums if she was thwarted.
I know most people aren't that bad but a close group can be disrupted by one stranger.

Somebody should tell the friend how you feel, the new person is going to feel so awkward when it is obvious she is not wanted there.

Surely if it is a friend of a friend she will be your type of a person and your friend must have thought she would fit in with the group.

The value of the group's exclusivity may depend on how often or how seldom the group gets to meet as a private and exclusively.

If you all rarely get to meet exclusively then exclusivity is relatively more important.

We meet as an entire group once a year so really don't want someone none of us know joining in.

If that's the case then I think that you had better tell your friend how you all feel. Personally I think that its sad that you cannot find it within yourselves to welcome her to the group. As you obviously are not able to do this I don't think there's much choice but to either tell your friend how you feel or cancel the meet-up. To let it go ahead with this feeling in the background would be unkind.