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Children in Australia

(10 Posts)
ejsejs Fri 11-Mar-22 18:11:27

Are there any other parents out there who suffer the daily pain of being on the other side of the world to their son or daughter? I haven't seen my son, who won a scholarship to study for a PhD in Sydney, for over 2 years now, firstly due to the pandemic and now because he is not overly keen on coming home to England for a visit because he has an Australian girlfriend. He has sadly just applied for permanent residency out there.

I miss him terribly and monthly video phone calls don't make up for not being with him in person. I can't afford to make the journey to Australia and pay for food, outings, etc on top of that. I hate flying too and could see me having a panic attack mid-air several hours into the long flight :-(. How do others cope? I am going to set up a FB support group for all those in the same boat who rarely or never see their long-distance child, as a place to chat, give each other support and, possibly, meet from time to time. Would anyone be interested?

tanith Fri 11-Mar-22 18:20:00

My son isn't in Australia but he's abroad and has been for 11yrs i miss him all the time and now he has a family there he'll never live here again. Its been over 2yrs but at least i know i will see him again as soon as we can travel without all the rigmarole. Im sorry your son is so far away i hope he will visit you at some point soon.

ShazzaKanazza Fri 11-Mar-22 18:25:23

My son lives in China and we’ve not seen him for coming up three years. We message most days on Watsap but it’s so hard for him to schedule a video chat. I miss him terribly. He said to me the other day ‘what’s wrong mum I can hear in your voice there’s something’ I said I just miss you and want to give you a great big hug😪

BlueBelle Fri 11-Mar-22 18:38:27

Haven’t seen my son and family in NZ in 7 years we talk every week end which is more than some parents have
He’s been there 25 years and is now a New Zealand citizen
He has a lovely wife and two children who have a Nan and grandad around the corner from then ( I won’t say I ve never felt jealous but it’s what it is)
I gave my children life so that they could choose their own routes, which may not be my route and that’s fine i didn’t have them to live life my way but find their own way and hope that somewhere along the line I m included
They have a lovely life so all is well

VioletSky Fri 11-Mar-22 18:39:21

My eldest son lives a long travel away and I miss him, he does come home and stay though thankfully.

I think if you want to set up a support group, it's really important to make it a positive one. Like ways to connect, apps to use, video calling and perhaps information for anyone who needs it on how to use things like that. Support on how to move forward, live happy lives filled with good things etc

I have joined and left so many support groups over the years and the thing that often happens is that people use them at their lowest points which means everyone is reading about low points and everyone feels miserableh, there aren't any positive stories or solutions reaming it up and making it manageable.

The groups I have stayed in are the ones filled with positive steps, good advice on how to overcome issues, resources and links that support people back to health and happiness etc

Hope it goes well

BlueSky Fri 11-Mar-22 18:49:21

Same here two sons and their families in Australia, now sadly for me, permanent residents and citizens. I haven’t seen them since before the pandemic. Of course there’s FaceTime but not quite the same as if they were living round the corner. sad

PamelaJ1 Fri 11-Mar-22 18:56:04

You must be new to the site otherwise you would know that many of us are in that position.
The bad news is that you just have to deal with it I’m afraid.
The good news is that it is so much easier now than in the past to keep in touch.
I grew up in HK, came back to the U.K. on leave every 3 years and really the only contact we had with family was by letter.

GagaJo Fri 11-Mar-22 19:03:59

ejsejs, I have a flying phobia but have worked overseas, off and on, for years. I can tell you that the fear / panic stops after the first few hours. You acclimatise on the plane. It IS hard, making yourself do something you're terrified of, but it's your son. Unfortunately, I DON'T have any suggestions about what to do about the financial aspect.

Allyoops Fri 11-Mar-22 19:35:24

As others have said, it's hard, and you have my sympathy. I'm in the same situation with DS1 and DIL living permanently near Sydney now. We're happy they're happy and enjoying the lifestyle they have chosen. I personally find regular Whatsapp messages and pics better than pre-planned video calls, which often end up as questions from me and answers from them. We managed to save on spending over the last two years so have booked a visit to them in May. Yes, the flights are long and a bit daunting if you're not used to them, but I think of them in chunks and focus on the big hugs on arrival.

ejsejs Fri 11-Mar-22 19:42:17

I hugely sympathise. I have a full life, but I just feel this terrible loss :-(