Do you have to be selfless to be a good mother?

Selfless in putting children's welfare above everything else, yes.

But it's important to retain a sense of your own self worth and do things for yourself too, otherwise you are role-modelling being a doormat.

I know someone who left her husband and four children (the youngest was 6) with her husband who she said was violent, for another man. The man died, as did her next husband. She now has another husband. Her children are grown up now and appear to think the world of her. She never put them first in any way. It was all about what she wanted.

GagaJo

I don't think you have to and to be honest, I don't even think it's good for children for their parents to do this. Unfortunately, I think most of us are pretty selfless as parents these days. It is the way we parent now.

I think this selfless generation is probably a direct result of the self care generation and why there is so much friction between the two... Even though the first cannot see that the second is a direct result of their approach

I dont think you have to be completely selfless but selfish is a different matter. If you choose to have children then their needs should come first. I don't think this means that you can't retain a sense of self but I do think your child's wellbeing should be paramount.

I think relationships are to do with personalities. I don't think within the realms of 'normal' there is any right or wrong, most people do what they have to do within the circumstances they find themselves in.

I don't think you have to and to be honest, I don't even think it's good for children for their parents to do this. Unfortunately, I think most of us are pretty selfless as parents these days. It is the way we parent now.

I think there has been a bit of a self care generation and I've read accounts from mums saying it is up to children to fit into their lives.. Which makes me a bit uncomfortable.

My mum was abusive so I think it puts me in a slightly influenced view as she always put her wants and needs before mine and was always either using me as an emotional crutch or putting me down to feel better about herself (think bully).

Still that doesn't mean I think the opposite is true. I think that parents can sacrifice for their children but still make time for self care...

I don't think it's either or, more a balance

Should read “sad for their children.”

I can see that some young women struggle with the selfless notion of motherhood but for me it never was. They don’t want to sacrifice themselves on the “altar of motherhood.” ( I saw this in my workplace before I retired and was sad for their

Personally this has paid off now through the loving and caring relationship I have with my offspring.

We don’t live in each other’s pockets but when we’re together it’s relaxed and loving. We cherish those times.

It's important to retain a sense of self.
Each person is as important as the next, and it's an excellent lesson for families to learn.

I want to be regarded and respected as a person in my own right, not just as some kind of martyr.

Could well be. I had to work when my child was young, no choice, but I always did what I could within those confines to put his needs above mine. I made sacrifices and I have no regrets about that. My Mum always put herself last so it probably came naturally to me. I have a very close relationship with my son.
I’m exactly the same with my dog. Her needs come first, she is always fed before we eat.

No.