Napkins- a problemaax

I wonder if some of the harsh comments would be said to a poster asking for advice about coping with tasks or demands arising from their husband’s dementia? I hope not.

Yes, sometimes I agree DH is being unreasonable, ( but aren’t many of us at times? ) and the napkin thing is one, but I was looking for practical solutions, and received quite a few. Thank you.
Kittylester, thanks for the thought about Attendance Allowance. I have looked into it and he would not qualify yet as he does not need help with personal care, nor supervision.

I would just put them in the washing bowl with hot water and bleach over night. It’s not a big task ironing them. My issue would be to question why it’s a big deal for him a compulsion almost?

Think it's best to put them in a bucket of cold water asap then wash. I managed to get rid of a stain on a tablecloth with Flash with bleach spray.

His life sounds as if it is getting more and more difficult. If indulging this particular preference enables him to keep some self respect and feel pleasure that his meals come nicely served I would do it. If you love and care for someone, surely this is what you do?

How long does ironing these table napkins take each week? 10 minutes?

Cabbie21

I wonder if some of the harsh comments would be said to a poster asking for advice about coping with tasks or demands arising from their husband’s dementia? I hope not.

Yes, sometimes I agree DH is being unreasonable, ( but aren’t many of us at times? ) and the napkin thing is one, but I was looking for practical solutions, and received quite a few. Thank you.
Kittylester, thanks for the thought about Attendance Allowance. I have looked into it and he would not qualify yet as he does not need help with personal care, nor supervision.

You've had a bit of a change of heart here!

You said you resented doing the napkins; don't want to do it; and conversations go nowhere and he won't budge. You set the tone and most posters agreed with you.

You didn't ask for practical solutions, you asked for thoughts and now say people are harsh!

I am surprised that so many people on here use linen napkins on a regular basis. Clearly I’m not posh enough.
We use lovely restaurant quality paper ones which are then put in the compost heap, greener than stain remover, washing, drying and ironing.
If my OH was as inconsiderate as your husband OP he would be doing the washing and ironing himself.
You did not mention dementia in your original post and I do not read your latest post as telling us that he has dementia. My recommendation is based on what you told us initially.

I entirely agree Riverwalk.

OP, actually like the title. Emphasises it’s a maximum problem, which sometimes can happen with a relatively small issue.

I love white linen napkins on the table when I have friends over or if I’m making extra effort for a meal with DH. Table cloth too. Just hate it though sbout the stains. I hate ironing too

Have found that if I soak a little in bleach water and also use vanish, Staines will mostly come out. I do often have to repeat and I do so while the linens are still wet from the washer. I use a clothes rack and fold the table clothes, spread out the napkins to dry and they dry pretty much wrinkly free.

If you love and care for someone, surely this is what you do?. Interesting point, MOnica.

If you love and care for someone, why add to their workload by insisting on ironed white linen table napkins?

Dementia is not an issue, though possibly Aspergers might be, I don’t know. Or just someone with particular tastes and ingrained habits. I-think Grumppa made a fair comment though.
I only get the iron out about once in three weeks, so there are usually three to iron. He used to do them himself, but he isn't going to get the iron out specially.
Anyway, thanks for all the replies.

So it sounds as if one napkin is used for a week regardless of stains. Ironing three once every three weeks isn’t quite the task I was imagining.

Sometimes people we love dearly can test our patience, especially when we’re worried about them, sometimes a small thing can tip the balance and we say so to get a little hug and some sympathy.
I think cabbie might have come on here for that little hug.
?

I wrote earlier about my husband's preference for a white linen napkin. In contrast I wear a cook's type apron navy blue with white stripe. For cooking and eating meals.
This is one of our basic differences - he's rather obsessional and I'm rather slutty.
But we've learned to tolerate eachother

Sorry, but if my husband insisted on pristine white linen napkins, I’d tell him where he could put them. I used to use beautiful Laura Ashley napkins then began to think that life is too short. I buy pretty patterned paper ones from Waitrose.

Linen is more absorbent than many other fabrics so it does make effective napkins. Stains don't really matter and linen napkins are usable without being ironed. Just fold them up as you normally would. I have done this for many years.

Cotton damask napkins are also very good and they also survive in a usable state without being ironed.

I find that a hot wash gets most stains out of both kinds. Mine are all from charity shops and I love them. They are so good and strong and long-lasting.

Men retire but what I understand is by many cabbie21 isn’t allowed ‘for love’ to stop ironing. It’s a chore and I think it is very unfair on others to make her fell guilty.
As grumppa pointed out, love works both ways. If you love and care for someone, why add to their workload by insisting on ironed white linen table napkins
Would women insist their male partners to do the same?

My DD’s mil and my neighbours like many others in good health and retired still have their femme de menage. If there are money restrictions things should change.

When I am out and see men using handkerchiefs, lovely though they are, I wonder who has spent time washing and ironing.

Would he refuse to use unironed napkins? Only then would I think his stance unreasonable as his shirts/jumpers would then require more washing than usual. If he can live with unironed shirts, he can live with unironed linen napkins. End of problem.

I use linen napkins every single day. My chap gets through them quite a lot because sometimes he’s a messy eater.
My chap has a few health issues too & can’t help me so much in the house but I love him and we enjoy using nice linen at our table.
I don’t mind soaking them as required & then washing them. Fortunately I don’t mind ironing so it’s one small thing I keep doing which brings a pleasure to us both. As said above by someone else, it’s a touch of civilised living.

I get the paper ones at Ikea and use them every day. Lots of good colours and very cheap. At Christmas we use the linen ones and I fold them into good shapes because I like doing that sort of thing. I am one of those weirdos who actually finds ironing relaxing so I iron just about everything.

Reading posts here I must be a total slob?. Never got into using fabric napkins of any sort, though I have a few. For good occasions use some paper napkins, otherwise it's tear a sheet off a roll of paper towels!

Vanish, bleach, detergent, electricity, time, effort, an awful lot just for a small square of linen

Delila

Vanish, bleach, detergent, electricity, time, effort, an awful lot just for a small square of linen

Not if it's chucked in with sheets, pillowcases, towels and teatowels etc, as anyone with any sense would.

All (and mean all) I use is soda crystals and a hot machine cycle that other things go in as well.

No vanish, no bleach, no detergent, and the same electricity that I'm using anyway. It's not a big deal.