Childfree and smug

Aye, you'd be wrong about that tictacnana.

I speak from experience. Don't be sorry for me, thanks.

I think aggressive ‘childfreeness’ is a defensive mechanism. I once worked with a woman who flaunted the advantages of not having children but she couldn’t completely disguise what she really felt about being childless and I did feel sorry for her.

I love my children but one made a conscious decision not to have children in order to pursue a hobby (around animals) which takes up a lot of time and also means they have to be away from home sometimes. They are successful in their achievements within this hobby and I am immensely proud. It was totally the correct decision for them. I love my animals too and can’t imagine not having any around.

Some people don’t want children and some people don’t want dogs. It’s very wearing to be told you’re unfulfilled or somehow lacking if you don’t want what other people think you should want. Love can be given wherever - it doesn’t have to be children or animals.

I find the original post crass. We lost our first child at 6 weeks and were unable to have further children. We don't tell people usually because they can't cope with the information or are insensitive in their comments.

I think the vast majority of people have love in their hearts and whether that love is given to children or animals doesn’t really matter. Love is what makes the world go round.

Has it occurred to any of you that maybe some women just don't have the maternal urge? I for one don't and never have had and actually don't like babies. Don't get me wrong, I've always liked children - once they get to about 3 - and have always got on with them and, dare I say it, been popular with the children of friends.

I do however, love my pets and am currently spending a fortune on one who is diabetic. Chatting to my vet yesterday I mentioned that we could no longer go on holiday with 2 blind dogs, one of which is diabetic. His response was that it was devotion to my dogs. One friend recently asked how long I would sustain this and my answer is for the rest of her life.

Perhaps they are getting their own back for the times that they have been told "when you have/if you had children then you would understand" the uneducated and ill informed statement just made by someone who is "speaking as a mother" but who has just been bested in an argument.

Honeysuckleberries

The first time I met my future mother in law the very first thing she said to me was, I hope you’re not going to wait 7 years to have children like his brother! The pressure to have a baby for her to play with was incessant.

No one has the right to put you under pressure to have children for their benefit!

I know in-laws do come out with comments like that - it boggles my mind.

Frankly they need to have it made quite clear to them that they should butt out of their offspring's personal relationships. They might want a grand child, but there is no God-given right that they should have them.

Yours seems like the type who insists on mapping out your life for you.

It's a very personal choice when, or if, you choose to have children.

,,, and then some in-laws wonder why they are shunne! I'd be giving that one a very wide berth...

One of my 3 DC doesn't want children as they don't want the responsibility of another person's life. They made up their mind as a teenager to be childless. They are great with my other grandchildren full of fun and love for them.
I'm happy with their decision and support it. As I was a foster carer years ago, I saw too many sad unwanted and abused children in the care system. I think not having children is a personal choice and nothing to do with anyone else.

The first time I met my future mother in law the very first thing she said to me was, I hope you’re not going to wait 7 years to have children like his brother! The pressure to have a baby for her to play with was incessant.

Sandigold

Why should people who don't want children be encouraged yo have them? They might be wonderful parents but they might also be resentful and unhappy.

Where did anyone say they would encourage people to have children?

Those who choose not to have children should be praised for not contributing to the over-population of the planet.

I don’t understand why people who choose not to have children are labelled selfish. It’s more selfish to have children because you are pressured into it and not really want them.

Alioop sounds a perfect pet relationship. & mutually beneficial.

That looks a lovely spot, Coastpath

I presume it's somewhere where the owner took his or her beloved dog, very peaceful.

How lovely, Coastpath

Thank you for posting

My cats have never been my babies, they were my familiars (according to Mr. B!)

I visited a lovely garden yesterday in a beautiful valley full of spring flowers. In the garden's pet cemetery is the most touching statue of a dog waiting beside a bench it for his master. Anyone who loves or who has loved a dog will understand how easy it is to give your heart to them and what a joyful and comforting companion they are.

I am one of those people you are talking about. I knew from my teens I never wanted children, it was my choice. I have a dog and we always had them as kids growing up. I love her to bits, I live alone after leaving a bad marriage and she makes me get out and about, meet other dog walkers, etc. I don't dress her up or have an Instagram account, no way, but I do adore her and all the others who have passed before her. I am in no way smug just having a dog, but I'm glad I do.

Why should people who don't want children be encouraged yo have them? They might be wonderful parents but they might also be resentful and unhappy.

If some posters had really read my OP, they will see that I am not referring to miscarriages, choices made because of genetic worries or other obvious reasons.
And I am not being judgmental, just questioning, interested in human nature and the choices human beings make.
I agree that our decisions are ours alone and in ‘real life’ would never question anyones lifestyle if it excluded having children.

volver

My SIL has a tiny Chihuahua. It doesn't know its tiny and just thinks its the same as all the other dogs!

Until you put it next to a really big dog then it will bark even louder.

I have an acquaintance, she and her husband have both decided to forgo children as both of them suffer from bouts of severe debilitating depression as do other members of their families. they have made this choice because no one can guarantee them that any children they may have will not suffer the same as well, so they have pets and they lavish on them the love they would have given a child. they did briefly consider adoption but again because of circumstances decided against it. No one knows why anyone chooses not to have a child and we should not judge anyone for choosing to love a pet in their place.

a child may give you immense joy but they could also be a source of worry. There is no guarantee that love will be shared but with a pet the love they can give you is generally unconditional. Sometimes an expression of love is not having children- as the world can be a place of unknown factors .