The life you could have had

I’ve made some mistakes when young but glad I was allowed to make them. Now I have no regrets that ‘I did it my way’.

No, I went through some awful s*it but I don’t want to be anywhere else than where I am now.

We were all set to emigrate to New Zealand. I had my RMN qualification and they were recruiting nurses at the time. We were all set to apply for visas etc when my husband's mother became ill. He didn't want to leave the country while she was so poorly.
We put off our application, but after that, the time never seemed right.
We didn't go, and it is the biggest regret of my life.

travelsafar

Me too. If only we could turn back the clock with the knowledge we now have.

One of my mother's sayings was
"If I knew then what I know now"

We wonder if life would have been so different but we can't change the past.
I should have been braver, more assertive and more confident too!

I was one of eight children from a big family I was quite bright and would have liked to study and have a career. It wasn’t to be we were simply told you need a job to bring the money in. My mum and dad were hard working and loving but they were brought up with the same attitude.

I married my first boyfriend when I was 26 yrs bought a nice house. I was a home bird and we moved again ten minutes away from my family home. We had nice holidays but I never wanted to live far away from home. I went to night school and got some qualifications I liked my job working in the public sector. I was really looking forward to the future. My husband turned out a monster just like his own absent father. It was a miserable existence he was controlling and abusive until I divorced. This gave me the opportunity to study more and I had academic success something I only dreamt about as a child.

I met a friend from years earlier who was still single we started dating. I trained to learn new skills and I worked on his family business with him. My children were still very young and accepted him straight away. We married and both sold our properties and bought the house we are still in.
I have no regrets even marrying my first husband it taught me a lot about behaviour. I had my two children who made me the person I am now.

One regret, that my father died in my teens. So much I want to ask him, but very grateful for the guidance he gave me while he was here. He was a good man. Everything else, I'm grateful for the life I've had. I only wish I had better health now, but things come with age. Ive come to learn to be content, took me a long time, but Im more content now than when I was younger. Very grateful for a good family.

I often wonder this. I wish I'd had confidence and had been brave. I've missed so many opportunities.
It's no good blaming other people. However, my mother taking me to a dentist aged 11 and letting him take all of my teeth out when there was really no need, totally destroyed my confidence and self esteem. The violent abusive childhood made me what I am I believe. I was and am, fearful and pessimistic. Every day is a struggle. Sorry that's depressing but it's how it is.

Married very young 19 and don't regret it for all the ups and downs.
I would have had to have had a very different father to follow a completely different life, as he arranged for me to leave school and do a secretarial course. I did have the chance to take A levels but he couldn't see the point. I did do other exams later.

We are the product of our childhood and to a certain extent things beyond our control. I don't really think that I could have made different choices, so I don't go down that path. We have to learn from our mistakes, surely that's what life's all about?

True Daisymae

I feel happy and content. I’m an impulsive person, as is Orlin, so have to admit that our happiness has come more from good luck than good management.

I’m another very content with the choices I’ve made. On reflection, if we’d stayed in London and kept the two houses we’d lovingly restored from wrecks we’d be millionaires. But we would have missed out on safely bringing our children up in a lovely part of the country. Also for them and us, making great lifelong friends. So no regrets.

I'm happy and content with my life and the decisions I've made. Married at 19 and still happy. I will always bitterly regret our estrangement from our youngest son and only GC, but that was his decision, not ours.

My parents were planning to emigrate to Australia when I was eleven but my mother changed her mind at the last minute. I often wonder how different my life could have been.

I wish I had tried harder at school and had better careers advice. All I got was, 'Are you going to be a nurse or a teacher'. I trained as a teacher and hated it. I ended up working in admin.

I wish I hadn't married my first husband. However, I am glad I married my second husband who I would probably never have met if I hadn't married my first IYSWIM.

I have no regrets. I have a wonderful husband who has cared for me and provided opportunities which I wasn’t so sure of initially but worked out so well - living abroad for 18 years being one of them.

I’ve never really thought about it, I’m happy where and with who I am.

I have struggled with thoughts like this but gradually I’ve come to understand that if I’d have made different decisions at these key times I’d still be here today wondering the same thing about different things, if that makes any sense.

The Buddhists call it ‘craving’ and see it as a universal tendency that causes us all suffering, and this has helped me a lot. (I’m not exactly a Buddhist but have been helped so much by Buddhist and secular Buddhist teaching.)

Also, if I had made different decisions I wouldn’t have had my two children and that wouldn’t do at all!

I'm so grateful to be happy with my life as it is. Decisions made in the past either by me or for me seem to have worked out OK one way or another.
The major forks in the road were firstly in my late teens when I was all set up to go into the Army nursing service, but failed the medical at the last minute so went to uni instead. (A childhood ankle injury meant I wouldn't be able to parachute apparently.)
Secondly, my now husband wanted to go to America in our early 20s. I was in the middle of uni so said I'd stay here for now - he stayed here too in the event, but I do wonder where we would be if we had gone.

Good thread something I have pondered on at times. I do wonder if I had knuckled down more when I was at school could I have gone further in life, however I know I was too lazy and air headed at that time of my life plus my convent school wasn't particularly academic and didn't push or inspire any of us to go into further education, always telling us we would become wives and mothers They were archaic in how they undermined us in many respects.

Could have gone to Australia with my ex, did the interview in London, Australia House if I remember rightly, got our residents' visas, he was working for an American bank had a job opportunity with them lined up, we went out there for an extended taster and as lovely as it was doubts crept in, it is after all so far away. Ex was not British so he had already done the leaving of his immediate family once, although later down the line said he would miss among other things about England which he had grudgingly started to love more than he realised, the weather For me apropos of another thread I'm glad of the one to one time I had with my mother when she became a widow, for the last eight years of her life. I know my brother would have been little use to her, I was very much her lynchpin. Again with my ex, we also nearly went off to live in France, which I would have found easier than Australia closer proximity and we both had extended family there, then he got a more lucrative job offer here. He also turned down the opportunity to work in Saudi Arabia (thank God) no desire to live there in some ex pat compound) his reasoning at the time, "I don't want to live anywhere that bans alcohol" very secondary to mine "I don't want to live anywhere that treats women as second class citizens and not only has the death penalty but at times carries out those executions in public. I also wonder if I hadn't been in one of my jobs nearly 40 years ago, I would never have met my 2nd husband who is my absolute soul mate, but then again I wouldn't have known that.

I'm very happy now but that's more from good luck than good judgement. I made some bad decisions as well but no point dwelling on that, serves no useful purpose.

I can't say that I spend hours in contemplation but I have made some poor choices early on. Having said that I think that I had some lucky escapes too. We are the product of our childhood and to a certain extent things beyond our control. I don't really think that I could have made different choices, so I don't go down that path. We have to learn from our mistakes, surely that's what life's all about?

I often think like this too.
I think if you are at home a lot and can't socialise much there is too much time for reflection on the past.
But it's a natural thing to do as you get older too.
It doesn't serve any good purpose. As Hiraeth says life is good and we all make mistakes.

You are very lucky Karmalady.

Je regrette rien! I have had a mostly very happy life so far.
There have been a fair share of unhappy & difficult times, pain & worry but I tend to be optimistic in life and seek out the positives...also I don't believe the grass IS necessarily greener elsewhere. I do think about people I knew & choices I have made but it does not occupy more than a few minutes of reflection!

I don’t think I’d change much that I’ve done but do wish my mam hadn’t died so young. So much missed of my and my brothers’ childhood and now, our children and grandchildren. My dad is 88 and in relatively good health - it would’ve been lovely for her.

This is a good thread GagaJo .
I got married very young but all my friends did too and we are still together and happy to be so. I wanted to have children young - he agreed - and he wanted to try living abroad - and I agreed.
Big decisions have been made together and so far have worked out. ?

This is exactly the conversation I have with myself at 3 in the morning.