Not wanting to offend a friend

I have kind of a similar problem. My friend always wants me to go to her place and visit her but it is a complete tip, with stuff piled everywhere. Her husband doesn't seem to mind.

I am a very clean and tidy person and would never invite someone round to a messy home as I would be so embarrassed. I really don't want to go round there again, especially as they always want me to stay longer than I can.

They are wonderful people though, and very dear friends. It is tricky. Last time I just grinned and bore it, and suspect I will do the same again.

If I were you I would meet at a cafe or a restaurant for a coffee or a meal. It is quite normal these days. I have never been to the homes of some of my friends, we always meet for a lunch and shopping. I went to the home of a fellow knitter, and although I knew her house was cluttered, I was shocked. Either she or her husband is a hoarder. I couldn’t wait to leave. It smelled very stuffy and there were no windows open.

Deviating slightly, years ago we had a much loved labrador and when my daughter started school she had a new friend around to play.
I opened the door and said friend entered and immediately said "whats that stink"? It was the dog. I had no idea, we'd all become nose blind and it took a 5 year old to point it out.

If it was me I would say hope you don’t mind but can I move this cat food as it is a bit fishy or whatever it smelled of. Sure the cats love it but I’m not a fan. Assuming the rest of the house was hygienic then she would know not to leave it out next time. If she was a good friend I’d know what tone to use.

My sons ex gf apparently couldn’t bear the doggy smell of the house apparently, heard this through my son.
My friends are all doggy and have never mentioned anything so I’ll stick to inviting other doggy lovers

Maybe tell a little white lie and suddenly you have become allergic to cats... its a thought.

Just tell her the truth! Say the smell of the cat food made you feel ill so, really, you'd prefer to meet elsewhere.

If she's truly a friend, she won't have a problem with that.

"People who mind don't matter; people who matter won't mind."

Definitely meet on neutral ground and also (as others have suggested), imply that you've a cat allergy!

Yes, definitely meet outside. Now the weather is better,
Suggest a lunch date maybe.

Too claustrophobic stuck indoors, reeking of cat food and with an unvaccinated person, friend or not.

Tricky one, my dogs get fed in kitchen or outside. Cats the same, dry food at lib in porch. I know I don't smell my dogs and I'm sure visitors can, likewise when I visit other pet lovers. I think your friend has probably got ' nose blindness ' as she's so used to it.
Maybe ask in conversation what brand it is as you've noticed it's quite strong smelling than usual!! Good luck..

Just say you have a cat allergy and hadn’t realised until you got home that that was brought on by cats.. I have allergies to animals so I think she would understand that rather than offend.

I’ve had cats in the past and didn’t notice any smell. Their dishes were washed and dried as soon as they’d eaten and I had no litter tray in the house. Cats usually keep themselves clean but it’s a good idea to give them a brush a few times a week, especially long haired breeds. Having said that I’m not a cat lover these days and get very cross with my neighbours cats spraying and killing my expensive box balls ( the cats are neutered so it’s not that)

Simple, develop a late on-set allergy to cat hair or dander.
Say it is really inconvenient not being able to visit friends with cats, although you can meet somewhere for coffee or lunch.
I have a friend with cats and the smell nearly knocks you over when you enter her house. Our friendship has become rather distant these days.

We have several cats, and I'm very aware that in spite of my efforts, the areas where the cats are allowed does have a smell. I.m scrupulous about washing their dishes, keeping the litter tray clean and only leaving dry cat food out, but if I've been away from the house for a spell, when I walk in I really notice the slight"pet shop " smell. There are some friends I'd be uncomfortable asking round, but if they are cat lovers like me then no problem.
I think I would say something, as tactfully as possible, because your friend will have gotten used to the smell and not notice it any more. But while she has pets there will always be some smell, so better just meet up somewhere else.

You don't need to go to houses. I would just say 'let's go to a coffee shop, cafe etc'

Maybe. Tell her you have developed an allergy to cats. For most people no other explanation is required. Unless of course you visit other people who have cats.

Good point GoldenAge

Peaseblossom, your friend sounds as though she's not coping. I wonder if there are other signs in her house, like the beginning of hoarding behaviour, carrier bags piled up, papers/paperwork kept when there's no need.
The issue of cat food in four dishes in the lounge is a problem not just from the smell perspective, but as soon as it gets warmer and flies get into her house she'll have the situation of flies landing on the food, laying eggs, and then four dishes of maggots.
One way to help is to go when next invited or even before, to suggest she open a window as the cat food smell is a little overpowering, and then to clearly check yourself saying "Oh but if you do open a window you run the risk of flies coming in and landing on the food, leaving maggots behind" - I'm sure your friend hasn't thought this through and that's a sign she's beginning to struggle. You can help her by gently bringing this to her attention.

It may surprise you that she does not even realise that there is a smell. I've smelled cars and houses and even clothes, and ntheir owners are blissfully unaware that they stink. However, I have a very sensitive sense of s mell. I can walk into a shop and say "What a smell of Dettol!" and they tell me "We used it to wash the floor yesterday..." I'd have said "What a smell of catfood!" like I say, elsewhere "What a smell of pizza / fabric conditioner / lavender air frshener / cigarettes". Nothing wrong with that...

We have two cats and they are fed in the dining room end of a through lounge. Our kitchen is a galley kitchen with absolutely nowhere to put food bowls down. I certainly wouldnt want to feed them on the worktop or top of the freezer! Our bowl’s are washed up and dried between meals and only dry food left out unless the one cat who actually eats the wet food decides to nibble a few mouthfuls and come back to it later then it might be left for longer. I shall be asking anyone who comes to visit to tell me if it smells in the future and will say i want honest answers! I don't know how people would cope in open plan homes.

B9exchange

I think she is more likely to be upset if you refuse to come to her house ever again without an explanation. Be honest, explain that the smell of cat food makes you nauseous, and what a struggle you had last time. Add that you certainly value her as a friend, and hope to see her again soon, either at your place, or at hers with the food out of the way!

This is to my mind the obvious solution.

I do wonder what she is actually feeding her cats, though.

In Denmark pet food doesn't smell, nor did the cat food I bought our cats when we were sailing in Germany, Belgium, France and the Netherlands.

I was buying brands that are commonly available so I imagine they are the same ones you can buy in the UK.

The only way cat food would smell so strongly is if it is standing about near a radiator or in sunshine for far too long, or if the dishes are not properly washed after use.

Few cats would eat food that smelled rank, as they are hunters by nature, not scavengers. Of course, these four have had to accustom themselves to it, I suppose.

Be frank with your friend and tell her you cannot bear the smell of cat food. You can make the statement sound like a personal quirk, rather than a criticism of her housekeeping.

I too have friends who live in their houses with very different standards to me but they are friends and I feel comfortable enough to ignore things or if I were particularly bothered by anything I could say so. There are ways of saying things kindly. In that instance I would have easily been able to say do you mind if I move the cat food and open a window its putting me off my cake in a fun and humerous way.

Assuming you don't have cats of your own, maybe it's time to develop a cat allergy.

I actually do have a cat allergy so wouldn't have been able to stay more than a few minutes anyway.

It's the dishonesty that stinks to high heaven- far worse than any cat food smell. Who stole your truth? Who stole all the voices of women? Open your mouth and say something like- 'I love your cats but their food has such a strong smell it made me feel nauseous! If I come is there any chance you could pop their food into the kitchen, please. I don't know how you can stand that small in your lovely sitting room!' YOU are offended by the smell. Say so.

I think you should say nothing but always meet on neutral ground. I have an aversion to going to people’s home and always politely decline. It’s not that hard.