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There is a season for everything - a time to weep

(47 Posts)
grannyactivist Sun 17-Apr-22 17:22:25

Some of you may remember that six weeks ago I suffered an episode of Trans Global Amnesia (no, I’d never heard of it either). Since then (as my doctor had warned me may happen) my emotions have been all over the place. I weep. A lot.

It seems as though a lifetime of all the sad things I’ve seen, heard and experienced have welled up within me. Grim childhood experiences, long buried, have risen up to be remembered; some family deaths feel like they happened yesterday; my dreams are vivid and some are echoing past traumas. In my work (social work, teaching and homelessness) I saw and heard some of the worst that humankind can perpetrate on each other - and being pragmatic I simply did what I could and moved on. But now, I weep as I remember.

Fortunately my family are extremely encouraging and supportive - when I dissolve into tears they’re ready with a tissue and a hug, but I don’t know myself at the moment. I don’t feel sad all the time, but I’m easily triggered by things that cause me to feel overwhelming sadness.

The bible talks about a season for all things, including ‘a time to weep’ and I know this will pass, but I wondered what seasons others are going through at the moment?

To everything there is a season,
and a time for every purpose under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to break down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to count as lost,
a time to keep and a time to discard,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

grannyrebel7 Sun 17-Apr-22 17:24:14

That's from Ecclesiates, isn't it? I think it's lovely. Hope you feel better soon grannyactivist xx

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 17:30:27

I’m so sorry grannyactivist. I remember your previous post. I think things catch up with us eventually when we are able to let our guard down and no longer have to put on a show of strength. We can’t keep them inside us for ever. That time has come for you and I’m glad you have a supportive family to help you through. Remember ‘this too shall pass’ and be easy on yourself until it does.
I’m also having a time to weep just now so here’s a hug from me and 💐.

Smileless2012 Sun 17-Apr-22 17:31:16

grannyactivistflowers

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 17:31:21

Yes it from Ecclesiastes. And so very true.

Joane123 Sun 17-Apr-22 17:34:57

grannyactivist flowers for you.

GillT57 Sun 17-Apr-22 17:37:11

This sounds difficult grannyactivist,.almost as if your brain, your memory is housekeeping and going through all you have experienced. I do hope you will feel better soon and that current political events are not proving too traumatic for you. With all good wishes flowers

Redhead56 Sun 17-Apr-22 17:52:01

I remember that passage it's very thought provoking. We certainly do have our happy times and weeping times through life.
You have had a difficult time and your family have been supportive. I remember you posting about it.
Our daughter has recently been ill and because it's not physical it was hard to see coming. I have been stressed and found it difficult to deal with. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Our daughter will recover and you will too look after yourself.

grannyactivist Sun 17-Apr-22 18:00:37

Thanks to all for your comments, my thoughts are with those of you who are also experiencing a time to weep.

GillT57 the thought of my memory doing some ‘housekeeping’ is actually quite helpful. Current events are proving very difficult for me. I lost a lost a son-in law to the war in Afghanistan and having such close relationships with people who came here as asylum seekers means that the news at the moment all seems very personal. One of my own Afghan boys has a baby who is currently in hospital having been born extremely prematurely (one of twins, but the other one has died). So much sadness in the world.

I’m a realist so in the past I’ve had a tendency not to dwell on what can’t be changed. At my time of life it’s a bit of a challenge but I’m now learning to just ‘be’ and accept that my emotions will run away with me from time to time.

mrshat Sun 17-Apr-22 18:07:03

grannyactivist flowers. Just to say I understand; as we get older, I think we remember more and more, particularly buried memories. It can be frightening (it is!), but this too shall pass. Keep strong and look after yourself.

Grannmarie Sun 17-Apr-22 18:14:07

Dear Grannyactivist, I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this difficult emotional time, after your TGA.

I think that when our bodies suffer a physical trauma, it can be followed by emotional/ psychological consequences. Something similar happened to our dear Dad after he had a stroke, he just wasn't himself for some time.

This too shall pass, with the love and support of your dear ones. Take time to heal, be gentle with yourself. You are wise to just 'be', I think your accepting outlook is ideal to get you through this 'time to weep'.

I love the scripture passage from Ecclesiates, I read it at our dear Mum's funeral and I've chosen it for mine.
Sending you much love and prayers. 💕 🙏 flowers

GrannyLaine Sun 17-Apr-22 18:15:02

Grannyactivist I can only begin to imagine how hard this must feel for you. Sometimes storms blow up not to destroy, but to clear a path ahead.
I always enjoy your compassionate posts flowers

MissAdventure Sun 17-Apr-22 18:16:57

I think your episode of amnesia was like a master reset of your system, so that you're now back to functioning "properly", for want of a better word.
You're now releasing all those tears that you've held back, thinking about all those things that you've not allowed headspace for so long.
Tears contain all kinds of things, and it's healthy to shed them - essential, probably. flowers
You've done your time as a well honed machine, (because that was what was needed to get things done) now it's time to be human again.

Redhead56 Sun 17-Apr-22 18:44:10

Well said indeed.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 19:07:05

To use a military analogy, it's a form of PTSD Granny. Have you asked your doctor if they can help? You have done wonderful work and been a tower of strength for others. Relax now and let them give strength to you.

kittylester Sun 17-Apr-22 19:12:33

Just sending huge but very gentle hug ga.

JaneJudge Sun 17-Apr-22 19:12:50

I think you have ptsd too. Have you been to your doctor? I think the pandemic has triggered ptsd with me too but you have had such a stressful time on top of that x

maddyone Sun 17-Apr-22 19:19:15

I’m so sorry to hear about how you are suffering grannyactivist. Take your time to feel sad and remember those sad events so that you will emerge happier and healthy.
I love those words too, and they are so true. There is a time for everything.

grannyactivist Sun 17-Apr-22 19:23:37

Thank you GSM, you are correct, my current state is due to PTSD according to my GP (I have hesitated to use that descriptor as I think it’s somewhat overused and often not either helpful or appropriate). She did offer medication, but my preference was for a daily walk instead - I think the healing powers of nature are often overlooked.

Coastpath Sun 17-Apr-22 19:27:03

I sometimes think that when you have huge upset or illness in your life, just one part of you needs to sit down and rest. The remainder of your body and mind forge on to enable you to function.

Then, when the first part has healed it takes over the day to day activities and the other parts can take their turn to grieve, heal and recover. It seems to explain why sometimes things catch up with us and overwhelm us and why recovering from trauma or grief isn't linear. It makes sense to me and I hope doesn't sound too much like gobbledegook.

You ask what seasons we are all going through Grannyactivist I feel that I am going through a season of resting after a lifetime of work and responsibility. Now I can just be. It's very peaceful.

Your loving family must be such a comfort to you. Now we will all be thinking of you and sending lots of warm good wishes your way. You aren't alone and there are so many good things and people in the world - you are one of them.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 17-Apr-22 20:01:30

You are right Grannyactivist. Nature does heal and has helped me. Don’t refuse whatever medication your doctor can offer though. That too can help enormously. I can testify to the power of medicine as well as nature to heal the mind.

Jaxjacky Sun 17-Apr-22 20:23:08

Better out than in, sometimes said in jest, but very true grannyactivist, I wish you well ahead as your soul wends and settles.🌻

grannyactivist Sun 17-Apr-22 20:33:44

GSM Believe me, I’m not slow to accept medication, I take tons of the stuff and am very glad of it! 💊 In this instance, because I accept that my condition has been caused by overwork and stress, I took a rain check and told my GP that I would try Mother Nature's remedy first. I think my weepy state is a case of ‘better out than in’, exactly as Jaxjacky suggests.

Coastpath (I do like your name) I’m pleased that your current ‘season’ is one of rest and peace.

I would also just like to point out that this thread is an example of the tremendously supportive community GN can be - and one of the reasons why I appreciate it so much.

MissAdventure Sun 17-Apr-22 20:39:05

Have you thought of emdr therapy, GA?
Very strange; lots of tapping and so on...

grannyactivist Sun 17-Apr-22 20:47:11

MissA about a million years ago I trained as a counsellor, before it even became a ‘thing’, so now and again I ask myself what I would tell me if I was my client. In this instance I’ve told myself to ‘go with the flow’ and accept my current state as something that is cathartic and needs to be got through in order for healing to take place. Hence, going for a daily walk is my treatment of choice.

I do know of successes with EMDR Therapy though.