Moral dilemma.

I have a whole suitcase full of old letters from the 1940s onwards! Something like 300 letters. I have started going through them with the object of destroying all but a few interesting ones. Many of them I've scanned or taken notes from because they contain very interesting family information. However, these are not love letters, and the sender and recipient of them was either me or my parents, also a great aunt sent quite a few. No-one stated their wishes on what to do with these letters, they were all left to me. So I have no guilt reading them or scanning those which are not too personal.

If either of my parents had specifically asked me to destroy them without reading them then that is what I would have done. Instead, I have a whole world of family history for the taking!

Love letters are very personal and I can understand people not wanting to share them, although my parents were very open about the past and willing to share anyway. I don't know whether they would have objected to the reading of love letters, but in any case that question has not arisen.

Love letters in days gone by would rarely contain really embarrassing information, it just wasn’t done then.

I can see the morals in doing what you dad wanted and hope I would do the same but I m am also a curious person and would love to have seen love letters from my mum and dad
I don’t think I have anything worth reading that will be left behind and don’t think my kids would be interested if I did ?I destroy anything incriminating as I ve gone along so it ll all be lost except in my head

I honestly think it is absolutely one of the worst things someone could do to disrespect a loved one, and make a mockery of the idea of dignity in death.

The contents aren't important, lewd, loving, whatever they are.

Where does/did your mother stand?

What is the reason your father asked you to do that?

We found a few postcards and a couple of letters in my Dads things. There had been no instruction about what to do with them. Eventually I read them and have kept them safely as they are practical rather than personal messages between my parents and could be of family history interest

Had they been love letters or very personal I think I would have destroyed them, to have kept them would have felt voyeuristic.

I think your friend is in a very difficult position sloegin. Her father may not have had a legal right to ask for the letters to be destroyed but definitely ethically it feels wrong to ignore his wishes. I wonder how they sit with his Will? Any mention of personal possessions and how they were to be divided? If a friend asked me for advice on this I think I’d say my instinct was that they should be destroyed. However if not bequeathed to any particular family member and as they have been read for the sake of future relationships best to simply state her position and leave it to a majority decision.

When clearing out to downsize we decided to destroy our own private cards and letters. We understood the sentiments and felt they were best kept between us. Nothing embarrassing in them, just very personal.

Burn them, no question about it. I’d do it and then tell my siblings to be honest and tell them it was dad’s wish.

I wouldn’t dream of reading them and I’m quite shocked that some think it’s acceptable to do so. They’re private and very personal.

Maybe it does mean I'm a terrible person, but curiosity would get the better of me. Perhaps a lifetime of delving into other people's lives for work means I've less scruples than others when it comes to this kind of thing. Yes, they're very personal - but if the person or people concerned are dead, they're hardly going to know you're reading them, are they? Maybe the moral of this is - as others have said - to destroy any particularly personal that you wouldn't want others to see while you are still able to do so.

Been thinking the same with regard to doing it yourself, blondie. I already have.

Also, given that reading letters of dead people does not, in this case, harm anyone, I don't think it's that big an ethical problem that the siblings have read them.

If "friend" wants to destriy them because her father asked her to, she should go ahead, but I'm wondering whether she searched in the attic straight after the request and if not, why not?

There is also the fact that the person to whom the letters were written was still alive. Were they not her letters and no longer the property of the writer?

Where does/did your mother stand?

She doesn't. She's dead. See OP.

What is the reason your father asked you to do that?

We can't ask him because he's dead too. But he didn't have to give a reason; the fact that he asked for the letters to be destroyed after his death is enough and he clearly trusted the OP enough to carry out his request.

And it wasn't the OPs father and mother; it was her friend's parents.

The other moral of this story is Don't burden your kids with ethical 'problems' of this nature. It isn't fair.

I can't think of anything more demoralising than having to part with things simply so that your family can't delve into your private stuff.
Fine if it's a bondage outfit, or similar, but reading about your private thoughts...

There is no burden, no dilemma..
Pick up the papers, as instructed - dispose. End.

If he really wanted to destroy them, he would have done so.
How can they do any damage now?
My db is currently transcribing, the almost illegible, letters between our parents when they were separated for long periods during the 2nd world war. They are innocent, a bit soppy, and it would be sad to destroy them.

I am also reading some early 19th century letters between husband and wife, who lived in the house I now live in.
It is a privilege.
Lots of affectionate chat about the children's behaviour, ailments including worms, travel, comments about local characters, money worries and daily life in general.
They had 11 children so there was plenty to talk about.
I am donating the letters to our local history society.

You must tell your friend to read hers before she can arrive at a decision and then she will know what to do.

Burn now. Imo.

He didnt want to destroy them, he wanted them to be destroyed once he was no longer alive, so he trusted his family to do it.
It's not much to ask.

If he really wanted to destroy them, he would have done so.

He could have been bed bound and physically unable to climb up into the loft to retrieve them. He could have been in hospital and died there before he was able to retrieve them. He could have been in a care home and unable to retrieve them.

How can they do any damage now?

That isn't the point! For whatever reason, he didn't want anyone to read the personal letters that he'd sent to his wife; his reasons for that were his, and his alone, but he thought that he could trust his daughter to carry out his dying wish. What damage they could do is neither here nor there; his family are now agreeing to snoop into someone else's letters. I could walk into your home, pick up a private letter and read it. What damage would that do? None. Bet you wouldn't like it though!

With great regret I would burn them as requested. As a family historian I would mourn their loss.

MissAdventure

There is no burden, no dilemma..
Pick up the papers, as instructed - dispose. End.

The siblings made it a dilemma, obviously, or "friend" would not have spoken about it.

And it clearly then became a burden for the same reason or she'd have burnt them already!

Which is what was asked in the first place!

I would do as I'd been asked - burn them unread.
Though my curiosity would make it hard to do!

I would destroy the letters too. The others shouldn’t have read them.