Opinions here please.

My husband and I have discussed up hill and down dale what to do with our estate with the view we would have mirror wills. However, from what I can understand, it all sounds like semantics because when one of us dies first, the other can just ignore the deceased's wishes when the survivor dies.
My mother has held her Will over our heads with threats of disinheritance for years (not that it bothered us) but the reality is, all her money will probably disappear into her care costs.
Of course, if you are wanting things to be strictly equitable, I guess the survivor of a partnership should leave the family money with both sides' family but once you take into account the way people treat each other, then surely that has to count too. My mother never saw my stepfather's family again after the funeral 30 years ago so decided not to include them in her Will. His daughter had only turned up for the 3 weeks before he died as she had refused to have anything to do with him for the 20 years previous after he divorced her mother. He came to my mother with a suitcase of clothing and a secondhand car having left the mortgage free house to his ex-wife. My mother had her own wealth. On paper, without knowing the facts, it would look like my mother was being "unfair", the full facts put a different complexion on the situation.

I think my accountant gave me the best advice . Spend it while you can. You earned it.! Whatever's left over is .my son"s to do with as he wishes.

My father left everything to his wife (NOT my mother) entrusting her to leave some to me upon her death. As I always knew, she isn’t and won’t and will be leaving all to nephews and nieces. My father really couldn’t see how much she hated me. She is laughing all the way to the bank.

Our are mirror wills, our estate goes to each other then to two children. However we will inherit a large estate from my dear FinL, he has chosen to leave only token amounts to my B&SIL, meaning only 1 branch of 3 on the family tree will inherit his wealth.

icanhandyhemback my mother did that too. She used her money as power. She wrote several wills and disinherited my sister, then reinstated my sister, and has since threatened to disinherit my sister. For a couple of years my sister has been her golden child again. To the best of my knowledge she never disinherited me and I currently have her will in my safe. It’s all irrelevant anyway as all her money is being spent on her care. I didn’t like her disinheriting my sister though and I told her so. Mother refused to pay out the part of the money that dad left in his will to my sister and myself. I don’t need it anyway, but it will all go on her care.

I think some posters believe that if they and their spouse have made mirror wills the survivor can’t make a new, entirely different will. This isn’t so. Only if you have made mutual wills is the survivor unable to change their will after you die. In fact not many wills are written as mutual wills. See your solicitor if unsure what type of wills you have made. Yet another reason not to make DIY wills.

My grandmother died without a will. Her second husband, whom she married quite late in life, inherited everything. Her 6 children weren't even offered any of her possessions to remember her by. He sold, or disposed of everything, including family photographs, and they never heard from him again.
My mum and her brothers and sisters felt bitter about the miserable old b*****d for the rest of their lives.

Families can be complex now and it seems there is nothing like a sniff of money to cause problems. I was shocked some years ago to hear a close friend state that when his parents died he would be sitting pretty. I found it distasteful no I found it abhorrent. Fast forward and both required long term care , the house was sold the bank accounts emptied to pay for care and when they eventuay passed there was very little left. Served him blooming right.
Conversations with my kids is they have no expectations of wealth when we die and much prefer any moneys were enjoyed by us now.
Yes quite happy to spend the kids inheritance ?

I have made dam sure whichever one of us goes first none of his money grabbing family would get a penny

Having been in a situation where my mum and dad made reciprocal Wills, on my mother's death my father inherited. My father re-married 3 or 4 years later, a woman with many debts and a low paid job. My dad wasn't rich but my mum and he had worked hard and owned their own house. He sold the house and bought a new one with the new wife, paid off her debts and said that he and his new wife's wills would leave everything equally to me, my sister, and his new wife's only child. However they didn't actually make wills and my father died of a heart attack about 5 years later, and his second wife decided that everything was hers, sold the house and moved on to her 4th husband! Nothing unfortunately my sister and I could do as she automatically inherited everything. I have therefore made sure that my children from my first marriage will inherit half of my assets on my death, however my second husband can remaining in the house with all of our assets until he dies. He has no children and has willed his half of everything to my children anyway, but I needed to make sure that the situation with my parents didn't happen again to my children.

If I were to die and my DH marry again, his wife would inherit everything instead of the money going to my children.

I consider the money jointly ours as we both worked and brought up our children and I always intended the offspring to have it when we both die.

I shall have to consider some intervention by a solicitor!

The sooner the better Lilyflower. I hope some of the stories on here make people think. In my experience people always delay making wills because they think it will make them die more quickly. Daft I know. But you really can't put a price on being able to get a good night's sleep knowing that everything is in order. None of us knows if we will wake up in the morning (or wake up mentally incapable) and making a will doesn't make that happen.

This discussion, along with recent events, has me updating my will and finally doing LPA

That's good Iam64, a positive outcome, but at least you have one. My late Mum swore blind she had a will, but ended up writing her wishes on a shorthand notebook.

It is far more common than people realise and lots of people you'd expect to be included in any inheritance get left out.

My own parents are divorced and remarried and I know for a fact that irrespective of which partner in each marriage outlives the other, when the surviving partner passes, none of the inheritance wil be coming in my direction.

I have a sibling and we have 5 kids between us, our mother's husband has 2 kids (not sure about gc) and our father's wife has 3 kids and I believe one gc.

In my father's case, everything will be going to her family and nothing will come our way at all. In mother's case I understand everything will go to his kids with maybe a small amount going to 4 of her 5 gc and my sibling, one of my kids and I will get nothing (not that we want anything from her anyway).