Modern Weddings

I think a lot depends on your fianacial situation. a couple in their 30s with house and good jobs may decide that as they can afford it they will have it.

But I can rememeber going to a wedding in the 1960s. although both bride and groom had comfortably off parents, they were as poor as church mice. They had bought a house (as one did then) but it was tiny and the groom had a nearly two hour commute to work in London, but they couldn't afford aanything else. However the bride's father wanted the best for his daughters wedding and spent about the whole cost of the house on the wedding and I can remember sitting there thinking that for a slightly less expensive wedding he could have given the happy couple £1,000 so that they could move to live near a station that would shorten the daily commute.

I would point out that while some couples do have these enormous weddings, the majority of 'modern weddings' are much smaller and more reasonable.

Each to their own...I've been to 30k weddings....registry office then down the pub weddings ....and many in between....I love a good catch up with family/friends and can't say I enjoy one more than the other

I don't quite understand your tone Hithere. I am joining in a discussion and giving my view and my experience of reactions when invitations are turned down.You are the one who seems to be getting defensive here.

Vintage

What is the big deal about this? Life is practice, never theory

Everybody cannot be happy 100% of the time.
Not all guests will RSVP yes to a wedding
If you have an issue with budget, i am sure other guests too.

As I said before, that can sometimes be easier in theory than practice.

Vintage

You know that if the couple is that unreasonable, it is not your problem - they can get mad and then unmad (new word) again

Hithere

Guests should not expect a couple to take guests' budgets into consideration for them to attend the wedding

Couples should also not get offended the event is not attended for whatever reason

Both are unreasonable

Both

Absolutely. As long as it is understood that guests should not be made to feel under any pressure whatsoever to attend these weddings and the bride and groom will be happy if only half a dozen out of their 200 invitations are accepted, and if even even some of their siblings and closest friends won't be attending, that is reasonable.

But we all know that's not what actually happens.

Ah typos
Gm!

Guests should not expect a couple to take guests' budgets into consideration for them to attend the wedding

Couples should also not get offended the event is not attended for whatever reason

Both are unreasonable

Both

Some brides and grooms seem to plan weddings that are as inconvenient as possible for guests to attend and then get offended when invitations are declined.

If you want all your invitations to be accepted then hold your wedding as locally or centrally as possible and confine the official celebrations to one day.

If you want to have your wedding abroad or in some picturesque location in the middle of nowhere, with post wedding parties and barbecues then accept that many of your friends and relations can't afford to fly out to Italy or take 3 days leave from work to attend, or already have other plans for their leave and holiday budget.

Don't start taking umbrage when they decline your invitation, or guilt trip them into attending, or complain about them behind their backs.

This is SO true vintagejazz, I know someone who went on a short UK honeymoon instead of the one she would have had so that she and new husband could afford to go to a siblings "far away" expensive wedding.

I know more than one couple who have waited till now to get married ‘properly’ because of the Covid restrictions. Considering they were second marriages, I wouldn’t have wanted a lot of fuss anyway.

I have found that amount of money spent on a wedding is not in any way related to the love between the couple.

It’s never really bothered me what other people choose to do regarding their weddings! Myself I prefer small weddings but each to their own, That’s a very nasty comment 62granny jeez! How do you know how long their marriage will last!

Easier said than done Hithere. Siblings, close friends, grandchildren etc tend to take offence if you regret their wedding invitation.

Vintage

That is why an invitation is not summons

If it is something you cannot or want to attend, say congrats and support the couple from afar

HousePlantQueen

If they wanted it and could afford it then frankly it is nobody else's concern. A lot of po faced disapproval on here! To be clear, it wouldn't be my ideal but hey-ho, everyone to their own

If we are expected to attend these weddings and pay the various expenses that come with them then absolutely we are entitled to comment.

If these couples want to have their 3 day weddings with overnight accommodation and leave from work and often plane tickets required and week long hen parties in majorca and cash gifts to fund extravagant honeymoons without somehow involving anyone else then absolutely it's their own business.

Nobodies business but the couple getting married. Looking up the costs of someone else’s wedding is rather odd behaviour.

It is not the actual wedding day but the years afterwards which are the most important.
I know of two examples of short lived marriages. My DS2 who has been married and divorced twice.Both times were very low budget occasions in the register office. The other was the son of a friend's wedding.No limit to the cost, huge two receptions, expensive outfits etc. It lasted just over a year before the happy couple decided to part company.

I'm sitting on the fence a bit here. I had a very low key church wedding but that was the way it was done then. It seems to me that many couples now tend to get married a bit later in their relationship when they are perhaps ready to start a family. That was the case with the 3 of my 4 children who are married. They were each given what we considered was a fairly generous budget to plan their weddings and each was magical in its own way. All had wonderful photographs, DVDs taken on the day and lovely venues for the reception.
When the going gets tough and the reality of parenthood (or just married life) strikes, I think it's a wonderful thing to look back on that day and remember being surrounded by those who love you and to remember the vows you took that day. Some who were present on those days are no longer with us and the memory of the part they played is poignant. The one thing that we made sure our children understood was that it is the MARRIAGE that is important, not the WEDDING.

I went to a few really lavish weddings that ended in divorce with in two years. I am convinced they were both just for the show off factor.

Next month we’re going to a wedding that’s traditional and in a fabulous UK location. We will enjoy every minute of it, as the bride and groom have put together a very special day for themselves and their guests.
The bride is very close to us and we wish them a very happy life together.
I’m happy I’m not footing the bill! ?

SueSocks I remember you saying that you are estranged from your sister and her children, so I think you need to consider whether that has any bearing on how you feel about the ‘extravagance’ of your niece’s wedding?

A big Oh!

Thanks Casdon, it sheds some light on the reason for the OP.

62Granny

Bet they are divorced within 5 years.? "Fur coat no knickers" used to be a saying many moons ago. On the plus side at least you were not invited as you would have probably felt obliged to give a gift even though you declined the invite.

Not a pleasant comment.

And how do you know what their financial situation is - only what the aunt of the bride has told us.

HousePlantQueen

If they wanted it and could afford it then frankly it is nobody else's concern. A lot of po faced disapproval on here! To be clear, it wouldn't be my ideal but hey-ho, everyone to their own

I agree.

And it is keeping a lot of people in work too.