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Got told off by everyone today

(251 Posts)
Biscuitmuncher Wed 11-May-22 00:26:32

Was at a lovely Jewellery stall today. For sale was rather expensive gold stacking bangles. I asked how much are the slave bangles, well the man selling them said, " we don't call them that anymore" and my daughters with me were horrified. I feel like the worst person!

Redhead56 Wed 11-May-22 00:35:30

Get over it he was working on new regulations you need not feel guilty we have to adjust with the times.

MissAdventure Wed 11-May-22 00:47:02

I'd be upset too, but a lot of things that were formerly ok just aren't now.

It was just one of those things: we don't all automatically "upgrade" our brains.
One good thing - I bet you won't inadvertently say it again.

Nobody is hurt or damaged by what you said, just try to put it out of your mind. thanks

BlueBelle Wed 11-May-22 07:08:20

Well it’s a pretty crass comment but if you didn’t realise at least you know now not to use that derogatory term again
I expect it came out without you thinking about it but now you have realised the dreadful link it ll be the last word you want to use in future

BigBertha1 Wed 11-May-22 07:16:52

biscuits muncher stop giving yourself a hard time, you won't say it again will you? No harm done.

Urmstongran Wed 11-May-22 07:21:53

Most of us do this inadvertently as language and perceptions change. A few years back in our book club I described a character saying she was ‘half caste’ and all the younger members were horrified. One other lady (who was a head teacher pre retirement) said that term at one time was quite acceptable she herself used to use it. Anyway since that mortifying moment I learnt to say ‘people of mixed race’. It happens.

Kim19 Wed 11-May-22 07:30:03

You'd have been fine with me. Never heard the expression

FarNorth Wed 11-May-22 07:42:03

I've never heard it either and would have been taken aback.

argymargy Wed 11-May-22 07:49:40

I hope your motive for posting wasn’t to get lots of “oh that’s just fine” replies. It really isn’t OK to insist on using outdated terms that cause offence. As you’ve learned that lesson, no real harm done. If you wanted to help others like @Kim19 learn too, that’s a bonus!

BlueBelle Wed 11-May-22 07:58:08

That’s like finger nails on a blackboard umstrong glad you ve picked up on better terminology
We have to be very aware I m guessing nobody ever uses the terms spastic, mongol cripple all terms acceptable in the 40s 50s 60s We have to be aware and more importantly understand why

Dickens Wed 11-May-22 07:58:43

Urmstongran

Most of us do this inadvertently as language and perceptions change. A few years back in our book club I described a character saying she was ‘half caste’ and all the younger members were horrified. One other lady (who was a head teacher pre retirement) said that term at one time was quite acceptable she herself used to use it. Anyway since that mortifying moment I learnt to say ‘people of mixed race’. It happens.

This is a problem for us who were raised in a different era isn't it?

I can see why "mixed race" is preferable to "half caste" and that's the terminology I'd always use. But that's because I've been made aware of it.

Some people just have not caught up with all the correct terms and references for various reasons and still use the phraseology from the past, terminology which, at the time, was correct and polite. The 'shock' / 'horror' reactions of some are IMO overdone when it is quite clear that no offence was intended.

Language changes, and it changes quickly along with culture and attitudes. I think we should cut people some slack if they are unaware that what they've said is now deemed offensive but have said it in innocence. There's better ways of educating than looking at the guilty party with horrified eyes...

Urmstongran Wed 11-May-22 08:08:10

A lovely empathetic post Dickens thank you. 😊

Iam64 Wed 11-May-22 08:24:19

I used mixed race in a formal report about 15 years ago. The individual had interesting Afro Caribbean, North African, Irish and English heritage so mixed race seemed right to me. I was kindly and politely advised the term is outdated and dual heritage the currently acceptable description. Bet that’s moved on as well now.

Iam64 Wed 11-May-22 08:25:20

By the way, I’m not saying slave bangles could be an acceptable description but yes, we all need to be mindful

Marydoll Wed 11-May-22 08:28:56

Urmstongran

A lovely empathetic post Dickens thank you. 😊

I agree, what a sensible post.

I spent the latter part of my career, advising children that saying going to the Paki's for milk or the Chinkie for a takeaway was not acceptable. The thing is they learned it from their parents and it was deemed acceptable in their day.
Thank goodness, we are more aware nowadays, that those terms, should not be used and if we are not aware, we should be.

We had an assistant head, who once said to a colleague, Now play the white man, G, to the absolute horror of the whole staff.

FannyCornforth Wed 11-May-22 08:37:40

How much were they?
And did you buy them?

aggie Wed 11-May-22 08:47:18

What are they called now ?

Iam64 Wed 11-May-22 08:48:17

Good question FannyC, brings us all back to a but of joy in shopping. I used to wear endless ‘silver’ bangles in my misspent youth but stay with one (real) silver bracelet now

Marydoll Wed 11-May-22 08:50:04

aggie

What are they called now ?

Stacking bangles, much more appropriate!

Riverwalk Wed 11-May-22 08:52:02

This is a problem for us who were raised in a different era isn't it?

We were all raised in a different era but have been adults for many decades now, so it shouldn't be a problem learning acceptable terminology. We are alive in this era when so when we were raised isn't an excuse.

Half-caste, coloured, mentally retarded, spastic, etc were accepted a long time ago - paki & chinky were never acceptable no matter when you grew up and parent using these terms know full well they're derogatory.

Dickens Wed 11-May-22 08:55:55

Iam64

I used mixed race in a formal report about 15 years ago. The individual had interesting Afro Caribbean, North African, Irish and English heritage so mixed race seemed right to me. I was kindly and politely advised the term is outdated and dual heritage the currently acceptable description. Bet that’s moved on as well now.

I was kindly and politely advised the term is outdated and dual heritage the currently acceptable description

Well 'dual' means "twofold", so he / she was wrong. One could be pedantic and say the description should be "mixed heritage." Certainly for the individual in question.

Anyway, instead of hearing what the very-clued-up think is the correct and currently acceptable description... I'd rather ask those of mixed race / heritage what they would prefer.

TerriBull Wed 11-May-22 08:56:27

I've never heard the term "slave bangles" confusedalways referred to such jewellery as bangles or bracelets

25Avalon Wed 11-May-22 09:00:06

If you Google they are still called slave bangles, so I looked the term up to see exactly what it meant. Quite interesting. Yes, it is related to the slave trade but possibly not in the way you might think. They were used as currency to trade slaves. They were exchanged by European slave traders buying slaves from traders in Africa. The higher the value of the slave the more bangles were exchanged. They were also worn by free women as a measure of the wealth of their husband.

Maybe we are too quick to jump on some words without knowing the full background in this sometimes over pc society, and the innocent who mean no offence get chastised. The positive is that no one wants to give offence.

nanna8 Wed 11-May-22 09:12:29

I’ve never heard of them, either. Odd

FarNorth Wed 11-May-22 09:15:44

Neither of those uses sound attractive Avalon.