People who give you chapter and verse about people you don't know ow

I agree wholeheartedly with
Vintagejazz .
I still socialise with my friend and support her .
But at the hospital on Friday - I would have appreciated some words of comfort as my father was ill instead of tales of her sick dog .
Exhausted and tearful in a cafe overcthe weekend - I smiled and nodded politely through another monologue about her
distant relatives .

I think that she is very lonely and doesn't have any other friends .

No unkindness is meant on my part .

I did say upthread that I am aware there are sometimes reasons.

But sometimes it's just lack of awareness. And most of us bite our tongue, and politely put up with it. But do you not think my bereaved friend was upset that the first time she met us afterwards she couldn't get 2 minutes to talk about it, but instead had to pretend to be interested in a long ramble about the wedding of someone she'd never met?

Some people do need to be more aware of how a conversation actually works, instead of thinking it's an opportunity to hold the floor to a captive audience.

Vintagejazz

But they should be more aware. If people keep trying to change the subject and they just determinedly bring it back to what they want to talk about, that is lacking awareness.

..and they may actually have a reason for being unaware. As one poster said, she has ADHD. Perhaps the friends shoul be more aware and understanding and ask themselves why, the person is like that.
No-one is perfect and we all have different personalities and traits.

I agree Vintagejazz conversation should be a two way street not a monologue.

But they should be more aware. If people keep trying to change the subject and they just determinedly bring it back to what they want to talk about, that is lacking awareness.

Vintagejazz, I stand by my comment. The bores may be totally unaware that they are doing it and would probably be very upset, if they discovered what their friends actually thought of them.

Marydoll

Reading some of the comments here, I hope none of the bores are aware of what their friends think about them.
I feel quite sorry for them.

I think some of them should be a bit more aware of the fact that they're annoying their friends by hogging the conversation to talk about people no one knows.

Does this of course.

I have a friend who dies this too. I don't mind when she talks about one of her neighbours. Though I have not met them I have heard so much over the years I feel like I do. But when she goes on and on about someone she met that morning at the pool - she had surgery, her daughter is at College studying...etc. my eyes do glaze over.

My (long deceased) mother could “talk you unconscious”, bless her.

Reading some of the comments here, I hope none of the bores are aware of what their friends think about them.
I feel quite sorry for them.

Yes definitely arrange a catch up without her. What a bore!!!

Reminds me of….
youtu.be/ffdkEhIJccc

How about the person who tells you every little detail of what they ate at a meal out -used to see someone like that -they are very overweight .

seadragon

I may be that person.... I know that I was oversharing after the most stressful 2 years of my life with both my AC's very seriously ill. We had to bring DS up to our home, hundreds of miles from his teenage son as no proper support to treatment was available where he lived and DD, who works for NHS, had to go private to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for a debilitating condition she'd had for 8 years... (See, I'm doing it again, this time with people I don't even know). Coupled with not seeing friends for ages because of lockdowns I realised I had lost my personal censor when I did see them and burdened them with every jot and tittle. I have started writing about my experiences instead which is helping...

I don't think that's the same. You were talking about your son and daughter and serious issues for you as a family. Any friend would be happy to lend an ear under those circumstances.

I do agree that sometimes these people are lonely or leading very confined lives and I do try and cut these people some slack.

But with others it's just about being self-absorbed and lacking awareness to the point of being hurtful at times (eg banging on about some situation at work when your friend has just been bereaved)and I find that rude and annoying.

I may be that person.... I know that I was oversharing after the most stressful 2 years of my life with both my AC's very seriously ill. We had to bring DS up to our home, hundreds of miles from his teenage son as no proper support to treatment was available where he lived and DD, who works for NHS, had to go private to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for a debilitating condition she'd had for 8 years... (See, I'm doing it again, this time with people I don't even know). Coupled with not seeing friends for ages because of lockdowns I realised I had lost my personal censor when I did see them and burdened them with every jot and tittle. I have started writing about my experiences instead which is helping...

It can get a bit lonely when you're not a chatterer but on the other hand i've noticed over the years that a lot of people are fake or boring. My 'switch' goes off very easily these days, I can't tolerate bullsh*t, fakery, pretence, nosyness - I would rather chat to a stranger for 10 minutes than have a conversation with most other people I know. Both our neighbours are two-faced, we've heard them talking about us negatively, having a right old bitch about us - so they get to know nothing anymore - not that we lead interesting lives or anything, or have lots of cash - they just talk about what we've got even down to what they've seen being delivered to us - fascinating not!
My sister talks about everyone she comes across, plus her grown up kids & their inlaws & her ex husband & all his family - does my absolute nut in. I've stopped telling her anything I don't want the world to know cos she seems to go from one person to the next & passes everything on, if that's conversation & being sociable then I'm the complete opposite. I'd rather be 'doing' than 'saying'.

My mother enjoyed company but could not tolerate stories about ailments. Out and about, if she stopped or sat down for a chat, as soon as someone mentioned their operation or suchlike, she was off!
It’s not only boring to hear long stories about peoples physical ailments, it’s verging on bad manners and certainly non u.
By the way, I’m recovering from a nasty virus?

Sparklefizz " It's the same as people who tell you about a dream they had, in every bl***y detail."

My daughter gives her children exactly 2 mins listening time to their dreams. No time for too much detail.

Treetops05

My Mum used to do that ' I saw Mrs So and So today' I'd say 'Don't know her?' Yes you do, her son was called x and her 2 daughters your sisters age called a and b. I gave up and said I knew everyone, problem was, when I moved back to care for her for 7 years (on and off) I found out I did know them :D

My mum used to tell me things about people I was allegedly at school with. I'd tell her that they were at school with whichever sibling, but she'd insist it was me! (It wasn't btw)

pascal30

just tell her that you don't feel included in the conversation... be very honest.

that's good idea.
generally, it's better to say how we are feeling or how something affects us, rather than criticising or complaining about another's behaviour.
it shifts the dynamic somehow.
if attacked, most people repel/defend as a reflex.
if we speak of how we feel they are more likely to ask more, maybe try to help alleviate the feeling.
if they care at all, that is.
if not, well why bother with them.
it's a lesson learnt.

Every couple of months I meet up with 3 friends I used to work with and after the first 10 minutes or so catching up there is one who then brings out her phone to show us every photograph she has taken since the last time we met. We’ve tried every trick to stop her but to no avail.

Unfortunately, my other half is like that.
Endless stories, usually about his family that gets repeated time after time. Every single day.

I now tell him “You have told me this before.”. But he still can’t stop himself.
I sometimes wonder if it’s the start of dementia.

A good bit better thanks Marydoll. Not driving again yet and running out of patience with it all now. ?