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People who give you chapter and verse about people you don't know ow

(146 Posts)
Vintagejazz Thu 12-May-22 07:56:06

I met a few friends for lunch yesterday. We hadn't seen each other for ages and had loads to catch up on. But one person kept trying to hog the conversation, and her talk was all about people we didn't know; her son's best friend's wedding, her neighbour's fancy new car, her sister in law's broken leg. She didn't just mention these things, she wanted to give us chapter and verse. It was brand frustrating. We all kept trying to bring the conversation back to more common ground but she wouldn't give up.

Does anyone else find people like this annoying.

ginny Fri 27-May-22 13:55:51

I’m sitting in the back of our car as MIL is in the front passenger seat.
We have been ‘enjoying ‘ hearing all about her cleaners planned weekend and about her hairdressers family and what the people in her village are doing for the jubilee. Such fun!

PW41 Fri 27-May-22 11:41:20

I have one too and it is soooooo boring

PW41 Fri 27-May-22 11:34:29

I find it very hard going with people like this and there's just no stopping them although you are showing very little interest. I try saying So moving on from this

PW41 Fri 27-May-22 11:31:51

It's

Colvillefly Fri 27-May-22 00:34:16

I cant stand it when this happens and usually say something I shouldn’t. My daughter calls them twitterheads😀

singingnutty Fri 20-May-22 23:16:05

My MIL and SIL used to talk about people I knew nothing about all the time when we were together on family holidays (we didn’t live near each other). I had no choice but to listen but when they noticed I wasn’t taking part in the conversation they would berate me. I also have two friends who when we three are together talk to each other and if I try to put in a comment more or less ignore me. Or they did do, because recently I got cross and pointed out what they were doing. They were very surprised but I felt relieved I had stopped just putting up with it.

OmaLoocie Thu 19-May-22 15:50:36

I have known somebody like this for many years and have got to the point now where I avoid her company because she is so boring I want to scream. There's a difference between someone doing this every now and again and someone who constantly does it. Not only does the person I know tell you everything about someone you don't even know but she does it in tiny detail ('and then he said, and then she said, and then they said...') and can carry on talking even when you've told her you said you'd be home for a certain time and that was over an hour ago and you are sat half in and half out of the car, still desperately trying not to be rude whilst just wanting to tell her to Shut Up! And this was long before Covid and lockdown so that has nothing to do with it.

Vintagejazz Tue 17-May-22 20:27:00

But can you not stop and listen. These people have also been isolated during Covid, suffered bereavements, have spouses who are seriously ill etc. Can you not share the floor instead of branding those who are upset and stressed by your refusal to also listen to them as 'harsh'.

If you do share the conversation, apologies. But if you try to hog it for yourself, regardless of what others have been through, then maybe just rethink this and be a good friend.

Bebe42 Tue 17-May-22 17:27:36

I feel some of the comments are a bit harsh. Especially when many have not seen a lot of people over the last few years. I think I am probably one of these people I'm afraid
I'm aware and try to stop myself if I hear my voice droning on! If these are your friends, cutting them off or not listening seems a bit harsh.
I think I would instead ask them what they enjoy most about conversations? Get into analysis of what makes a good conversation?
Or is that just being passive aggressive? confused grin

MissAdventure Tue 17-May-22 14:25:05

I know I'm in for a bad time when my neighbour tells me she watched a good film.
She tells me the whole thing, except she passes over all the important parts.

I do try and be patient, because for her, its important that she does these things..

Vintagejazz Tue 17-May-22 14:12:51

I think, Maw, it's people who give you a break down of the minutest areas of other people's lives, and hog the floor to do so who are annoying.

Hearing bits of news about people you don't know can often be interesting eg one of my friends was a teacher and could be very amusing about the staff room politics or the antics of some of the children.

It's when you don't see people very often and then they waste the meeting banging on and on about the boring details of someone else's life, at the expense of having a proper catch up, that it gets frustrating.

MawtheMerrier Tue 17-May-22 13:55:03

Not very original of me but I think it is a sad reflection of how our horizons may have shrunk -Covid, retirement, old age, bereavement, loneliness. We may not have very much to talk about - so friends, AC, GC even others on GN assume an importance and whose activities we share in the absence of action in our own lives.
When any of the daughters ask what I have been doing, “reading”, “walking the dog”, “not a lot” sounds pretty boring!
So we talk about people we have met or know, oblivious to the fact that nobody has the slightest idea who they are or even cares. 😧😧😧

seadragon Tue 17-May-22 13:25:20

@Vintagejazz. I do appreciate your kind comment. However I was sharing details of AC's difficulties that were their business and not mine to share. Yes, I am lucky and have many kind, patient and supportive friends who actively listened. Nevertheless my oversharing was still inappropriate by my own standards. Fortunately I am able to recognise it and actively seek a more appropriate outlet for myself through writing.

Nannan2 Tue 17-May-22 13:23:56

One of my DD's does that..she goes on & on about folk i hardly know, who are her own friends,or friend of a friend.Its annoying.🙄

Philippa111 Tue 17-May-22 12:57:47

I've now read most of the comments... some gave me a good laugh and others made me realise that there is a lot of loneliness that brings on the boring conversations. I can forget who I have shared what with so, sometimes, before I go ahead, I ask if I have told them before and they will be honest. That saves us both any difficulties. I would hate to be the boring person who goes on ad nauseam. I've learned a lot from everyones posts and will be more understanding, so thanks.

Ninney Tue 17-May-22 12:25:15

My mum!! 🙄

Vintagejazz Tue 17-May-22 11:54:30

You really need to be in the full of your health when meeting with people like this. If you're going through a hard time it just adds to your stress and you arrive home drained from trying to concentrate on a long rambling conversation about people you don't know.

I have no problem with friends giving snippets of information about colleagues or neighbours, or even telling a long story if it's particularly interesting.

But people who go on ad nauseum about Sandra and Neil in the office (I don't work there), or where Joan is going on her holidays (who's Joan??), or how Mary said this, then John said that, then Geoff got annoyed, but Pauline decided....(I have never met any of these people) can be exhausting to listen to.

Willow65 Tue 17-May-22 11:39:21

I met a group of friends for lunch recently and had exactly the same experience. We don’t see each other that often and one person dominated the conversation….. whenever someone interjected with an interesting anecdote she quickly turned it round so it was all about her and her problems….again! It has happened too often now and I too came home feeling stressed, annoyed and fed up.
I did what grandmabatty suggested and recently had a lovely tea party at my house minus said friend.
I would love to have a chat with her and explain why I don’t want to meet up anymore but I don’t suppose that will ever happen. Life is too short and I can tolerate that behaviour from family but not friends who I am choosing to spend my time with!

Dickens Mon 16-May-22 20:53:41

seadragon

I may be that person.... I know that I was oversharing after the most stressful 2 years of my life with both my AC's very seriously ill. We had to bring DS up to our home, hundreds of miles from his teenage son as no proper support to treatment was available where he lived and DD, who works for NHS, had to go private to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for a debilitating condition she'd had for 8 years... (See, I'm doing it again, this time with people I don't even know). Coupled with not seeing friends for ages because of lockdowns I realised I had lost my personal censor when I did see them and burdened them with every jot and tittle. I have started writing about my experiences instead which is helping...

I don't think you are "that person" at all.

There's a world of difference between what you are describing - which sounds as if it was an extremely stressful experience - and someone banging on about their son's best friend's wedding or their neighbour's new car.

I hope things have improved for your AC flowers. But if talking helps, I'm sure there are people who will listen. And that's partly what GN is for...

Vintagejazz Mon 16-May-22 20:39:35

I actually think there's something a bit poignant about that.

cc Mon 16-May-22 16:57:49

My MiL did this. We didn't visit often as she lived a long way away. She'd always have a pile of local newspaper cuttings about people my husband grew up with, all very minor achievements and completely irrelevant to us, even my DH didn't remember them. He'd achieved a lot: good A levels, a degree, professional qualifications and a good job - but no mention in the local paper! We always had a good laugh about it afterwards, but I'm sad that she never recognised or congratulated him on his achievements.

Esmay Mon 16-May-22 12:53:09

Hi Vintagejazz -

I think that I was just too tired to leave or protest .

I must say I was shocked by her complete indifference .

She'd forgotten that she'd told me all about her first relationship ,which ended up with her and her baby in a women's shelter after being abused by her partner and abandoned by her family .

I'd spent the day from 6.00 a.m until gone 11.00 p.m getting my father assessed and admitted to hospital the day before .
It was harrowing .
My father's new GP was insulting and I've made a complaint about her only to find that her reputation is appalling and she giving the previously marvellous surgery a bad name.
One of the transport workers (not a paramedic ) screamed at us .
My father was hyperventilating because he was terrified of her .
When I asked her to tone it down she said ,this is the way I behave at home !
Her colleague apologised as she walked off in a huff !

I fell asleep in A and E and one of friends phoned and insisted on taking me home .

I don't think that my friend absorbed any of it .
I'll continue to see her for a monthly coffee and sandwich .

Her life has been so full of trauma that she can't stop talking about it .
She doesn't have any friends .
One of mine says that she's odd and another that she's boring .
If I introduced her to another she'll say it's yet another one of your lame ducks !

I guess that we all really sympathesise with people whose lives have been so appalling .
I can only take it in mini doses .
You can't help ,but think that she never really had a chance in life right from the beginning .

Vintagejazz Mon 16-May-22 10:49:20

That does sound very sad, and her lack of interest in your problems would make it seem as if she hasn't developed any empathy.

Must have been extremely stressful for you though.

Esmay Mon 16-May-22 10:24:16

Hi Holly ,

Thank you .
I think that my poor friend actually has had and is continuing to have a rotten life :

Unwanted by her parents (who both sounded mentally sick ) brought up by a strange aunt ,learning difficulties at school,osteoporosis, proper use of only one arm ,selfish husband and children and demanding /exhausting relatives - it would be easy to walk away .

I can't .

I sipped my tea ,ate my sandwich and listened .

My head was buzzing from lack of sleep and I was sick with worry over my father and his declining health .

She's gone on holiday and actually finds it too much .

I realise that people ask me about my father that they don't want a boring monologue from me !

hollysteers Mon 16-May-22 10:10:22

I feel for you Esmay, whilst loneliness in your friend might be the case for what can amount to rudeness, many self absorbed people chatter on endlessly about themselves and others without letting you have a say because they are basically selfish and self important. No one else exists in their world but themselves.
You end up feeling alone in their company.