Is this really what children are for???

crazyH sorry about the UTI. People do like to be useful too so don't feel you can't ask your DC.
There is such a thing as being too independent no man is an island etc.

crazyH
And if it doesn't clear quickly, do get a sample to your GP asap
as you may need some antibiotics.

(Not being bossy, I hope)

Thanks Grammaretto and Callistemon21
Yes, I think I will call the Surgery tomorrow.

No you’re not being ‘bossy’ - that’s called ‘caring’

crazyH

Thanks Grammaretto and Callistemon21
Yes, I think I will call the Surgery tomorrow.

A spoonful of bicarbonate of soda in warm water may give some relief meantime, but definitely take a sample to the surgery asap.

My dm was very adamant she didn't want to be asking us to help her. We were all working with our own families so she felt we had enough on our hands. But we wanted to help her and were only delighted to do it. Luckily we had a big family and the load was evenly spread. Granted when she died we had become quite exhausted as she was very unwell towards the end. But we all felt so delighted we could do it. We never had to care for my dad as he died suddenly with no care ever involved. I think the fact there was no expectation or demand made it far easier to do.
My dps definitely did not have lots of dc to look after them in old age as their main goal was to see us up and running with independent lives.
But don't be so sure your dc's won't want to help and may actually want to.

MissAdventure

When people are making babies, I would think old age and mobility issues are the last things on their minds.

Exactly ! ?

My GP gave me Three days antibiotics, which didn’t work for a UTI. His private advice was to buy D-Manoose. Not available on the NHS. Never suffered since. Best advice ever.

I think everyone in the family has a role to play, and adult children should be helping their parents if required just as their parents cared and nurtured them when young. It's not about having children for that reason, it is just part of being a family.

Chesnut

May I ask who determines which role is played by whom?
What if you do not like the role given to you - do you have a choice?

Adult children may not be in a position to offer much help. They may live some distance away, work long hours and have families of their own which should be their priority. The last thing they need is the burden of a needy parent. It’s up to parents to organise their lives so as not to be dependent on their children.

I think it was really tongue in cheek, just to make the person feel less guilty about accepting help.
Surely the whole thing about a family is to support each other, be it parents, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters and beyond ? Not the whole reason to have a family of course, but certainly part of it!

I don’t feel in any way entitled to receive help from my children, even as I get older and possibly might have more needs. However, I have a mother who is, and always has been, extremely entitled. She’s 94 and in a care home now, but still makes a lot of demands on me, including expecting a daily visit. I’ve managed to gradually visit less often, but it’s a struggle. She wants to know why I can’t visit if I tell her I’m not going the next day.

Chocolatelovinggran. You have hit the nail on the head! My children are like sponges!!???. In reality , if we ever help them out financially ( which we do , as my mum and in laws did for us) and they insist on paying it back , our response is "put it in our care home fund, just make sure you pick a nice one!"

@paddyanne. Are you my mom?

But yes after looking after my gran whilst starting my family I became very ill and disabled, using a wheelchair mainly. I’m early fourties’ now with a two year old and a fast approaching seventy year old mother. She knows she won’t be getting care from me -much as I’d like to help her I won’t be here to do it.

Most of our age group had children at a relatively young age and never even gave a thought to when we became old. Children often disappear across the four corners of the earth, as we did in our day. Their loyalty should always be to their own children first and last, as it is with us. Not the other way round.

I often wonder why people have children nowadays. They can’t wait to get back to work so that they can maintain their lifestyle and then moan that childcare is so expensive. Who would want to trust their special child with a cheapie version.

My mother expects her children to look after her and can't understand why I don't get my children around to do things I can no longer do. She's in for a bit of a shock though because I am at the end of my journey of providing care for her and am talking to care homes for some respite care when she comes out of hospital. It is a difficult, expensive decision but I need a life with less stress and so does her partner.

my FIL expected his only son, my DH to sell his home and go to live with him are he became older - he was furious when DH and I married , had a family and insisted on a separate life - he hated me for that from the bottom of his soul!
My DIL is from another culture - her parents are very poor by our standards, have no pension or access to reasonable health care - she is well paid in the UK and sends them enough money to live above the poverty line in their country.

They often have to work to put a roof over the family’s heads and food on the table Aepgirl. I did. No choice. You are lucky if you had that choice.

Never - even though I'm the youngest of 4 I spent 7 years seeing my Mum over 4 different cancers until she died in 2019. My reward? My brother fitting to prevent his 3 sisters receiving any inheritance and 2.5 years later he is still forcing Mum's inheritance to sit in a solicitors bank account! In all of this My Mum isn't remembered apart from by me. I have told my children if I ever need that type of care I will move into a home - I would never put them through that.

If it wasn't said as a joke, it is certainly an old-fashioned view and I do not think that even my grandparents' generation felt that was the only reason they had had children.

Our generation could choose to have children or not, or to have them when it was convenient. Earlier generations could not, as contraception was either not available or regarded as immoral or irreligious. And a society without old age pensions or care for the elderly did engender a feeling that adult children would and should care for their ageing parents.

The way things are going, our grandchildren may have to do the same when their parents grow old and infirm, as probably neither they nor their parents will be able to afford professional care.

No, I’ve never thought that. In fact, one of our sons had to take over when his grandfather was dying, as we both had Covid and weren’t allowed to go to sit with him, and I felt terribly guilty, and had to keep reminding myself he was a fully-functioning adult who wanted to support his family!

I had 10 years caring for my mum with dementia, whilst bringing up two kids alone and working full time at a stressful job. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all my beloved children. I’ve therefore begged them to immediately put me in a home, the second it seems necessary and (shhhhh) asked my medic son to make my passing quick and easy.

Before any welfare state this was what people needed children for. My great grandparents had 16 children and brought up a disabled grandchild as well. In there old age their many offspring helped them - financially and otherwise. As they had both been brought up in the workhouse as abandoned children, I suppose their fecundity was a means of safeguarding their old age against a return visit in old age.