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why do we say 'passed'?

(168 Posts)
yggdrasil Mon 30-May-22 12:54:24

It seems nowadays nobody is dead, they are all said to have 'passed' when they die. Why don't people use the right word?
They are not cars passing down the road, nor a brief period of time.
Wiki defines the word so: "Passing is the ability of a person to be regarded as a member of an identity group or category, such as racial identity, ethnicity, caste, social class, sexual orientation, gender, religion, age and/or disability status, that is often different from their own " which is still another definition which has nothing to do with dying.

GreenGran78 Wed 01-Jun-22 03:09:42

I always say died about my own bereavements, but take my lead from whoever has suffered the loss of a family member.

I like the old Lancashire expression"They've popped (pawned) their clogs", though I rarely hear it now.

AussieNanna Wed 01-Jun-22 02:11:56

suzikyoo

I'm with aonk. These newfangled expressions are all part of this 'woke' attempt at re-organisation of everything we think, say and feel. My loved ones died, that means they no longer are among the living so are now dead . (I have no idea what they 'passed' on their way out!) Not a difficult concept to grasp, surely??

'Passed away' isnt any new fangled or woke expression - has been in use forever, in various variations -eg "passed away" seems the australian term, just "passed" the american one

there are different uses of language and context matters - that isnt a difficult concept to grasp either is it?

GrauntyHelen Tue 31-May-22 22:34:49

I'm a bereavement/dying specialist I never say passed I always say dead dying etc

Newquay Tue 31-May-22 21:11:54

I agree with Farzanah about being ready-we all have to go one day. My maternal grandmother, a devout Roman Catholic, a sensible, hard working lady used to say “always have your bag packed and be ready to go at a moment’s notice” bless her.
In my earlier post I said I’d said to a lovely elderly man that I was sorry for his loss-not what I usually say, I was just surprised to see him and I was taken unawares.

Mamma7 Tue 31-May-22 20:17:31

I prefer to say died, I wouldn’t use passed or lost. Each to their own.

Skye17 Tue 31-May-22 20:12:02

I don’t like passed. Silly euphemism.

Redhead56 Tue 31-May-22 19:55:08

Gone to the other side another silly expression people have used. I have asked the other side of where?
Is it not politically correct now to say died or dead what next I wonder?

Barmeyoldbat Tue 31-May-22 19:44:36

I use the word died, it was hard saying it but I felt it made the situation clear. My friend phone me to say she had lost her mother, I said rather matter of fact, that was careless of you where were you …..

M0nica Tue 31-May-22 19:27:47

Mind you I quite like 'dear departed'.

narrowboatnan Tue 31-May-22 19:17:31

I have a friend who uses the expression ‘Late’, which, once I got used to it, sounds rather nice. After all, we say ‘My late mother/husband/brother/sister etc’ so therefore they are Late

Nannysprout Tue 31-May-22 16:52:54

If you believe in an afterlife then passed is probably the right word as you believe they have passed over into another dimension. If you don't believe then dead is good enough.

cupcake1 Tue 31-May-22 16:48:27

I’m not bothered either way whatever someone feels comfortable with. It certainly doesn’t upset me either way.

Boolya Tue 31-May-22 16:43:30

One of the recent programme about the jubilee showed footage of the queen returning from Kenya and the newscaster used the words "the King's passing".
I heard the expression recently "there's been a passing". I wanted to ask it if was a passing bus, a passing thought.....

GrammarGrandma Tue 31-May-22 16:41:47

The worst, on some tombstones, is "fell asleep in Jesus."

jenpax Tue 31-May-22 16:25:17

I say died or dead. When my mother died I found the euphemism of passed annoyed me! It did not make my grief any easier to cope with

hilz Tue 31-May-22 16:16:23

Would depend who I was talking too. I do tend to say that someone has died to most people though. It feels the most understood word and doesn't cause offence to those who do not belive in an afterlife.
A child for instance can let the imagination run wild if the wrong terminology is used. A friend told her grandaughter a neighbour had passed away and gone to heaven and two weeks later the child wanted to know when they were coming back!

KnockoutNanny11 Tue 31-May-22 16:05:49

When someone is heartbroken does it matter what words they use. There’s always someone there ready to nitpick.

luluaugust Tue 31-May-22 15:13:27

I would use died unless the person telling me used some other term when I would probably follow their lead.

OakDryad Tue 31-May-22 15:03:52

No it is not MusicGirl. Read the thread.

Musicgirl Tue 31-May-22 15:01:28

Passed is the American version of our passed on. I am another who prefers the term died. I always find the slightly hushed voice of a (usually) plump, middle aged man saying “of course we lost Mother last year” makes me want to say “how very careless of you,” but of course l suppress it.

Nanatoone Tue 31-May-22 14:56:53

I use died when referring to my husband. I like it when people say sorry for your loss as they are referring to the huge emotional and personal loss suffered, not something in the post. I find it respectful of my feelings. It took me a while to use died, and I was wary of it as it makes people almost jump to hear the word. I don’t mind euphemisms if it makes people feel more comfortable. Their comfort is the most important thing at a time of bereavement. Sometimes, a little time needs to pass before people can use harsher worlds to describe the loss themselves, so why wouldn’t a decent soul honour that.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 31-May-22 14:51:10

annodomini

If anyone uses a euphemism about my demise, I'll come back and haunt them!

I will be right behind, or in front of you!

grandtanteJE65 Tue 31-May-22 14:46:36

Basically, a lot of people are either uncomfortable at any hint that people die, or superstistious and feel that by using words like death, died, dying we are inviting it.

I have personally never used any of the euphemisms for death. If I am expressing sympathy to someone whose relative or friend has recently died, I might avoid the word died, if I was unsure of the person's suspectibilities and say either "I was sorry to hear the news about N". or "I am sorry for your loss, or for your bereavement".

I have known since I was 7 that people and pets die, so I have more-or-less come to terms with it. For me, using some or other odd phrase does not soften the harsh reality, or lessen my grief, but I realise others may find my approach crass.

jaylucy Tue 31-May-22 14:24:58

Passed on to the next stage or through the pearly gates , if you believe?
I find that just "died" or "dead" is a bit harsh and abrupt, especially if it is unexpected.

Janetashbolt Tue 31-May-22 14:24:29

Wait till you read about fur babies, RIP over the ?, I know people love their pets but is cringey