why do we say 'passed'?

If anyone uses a euphemism about my demise, I'll come back and haunt them!

Euphemism's are very annoying. When we are dead we are dead. I had all of this when my parents died and I'm sure it caused all kinds of problems and confusions with people not saying exactly what they meant.

Isn’t it a daft Americanism?

I prefer died/dead or even passed away, but Passed? I feel like asking what have they passed?

I'm with aonk. These newfangled expressions are all part of this 'woke' attempt at re-organisation of everything we think, say and feel. My loved ones died, that means they no longer are among the living so are now dead . (I have no idea what they 'passed' on their way out!) Not a difficult concept to grasp, surely??

If someone is in the midst of grief due to a parent dying or stillbirth or neo Natal death and they refer to the death as "passed" or " born sleeping" you betcha I am going to use those same terms. I am not going to cause more possible distress because I don't like how they refer to death.
They are grieving they trump my feelings

"Yggdrasil" I am glad you brought this up. I always say "dead" or "died". When I first heard "passing" - which I did on a mainstream TV news channel, I was a bit perplexed. What did they mean? Then I realized what it meant. But why tidy it up? the person died, for God sake. But, as they say, "to each his own" whatever makes it easier for someone to come to terms with a death. "AGAA4"...that's quite funny!!

Late has been around for over 500 years too. Caxton used it in his translation of the the Aeneids. Her swete and late amyable husbonde.

By not using the correct word, we confuse everyone including ourself as we tend to stay in denial longer. We should talk so much more about death, plan for death not just at the end but throughout our lives, to make sure we all know what matters most to us and our loved ones when the time comes and throughout our lives in general.

Thanks for those references OakDryad they clearly show the alternate meanings for expressing condolence have been around and used for way longer than we think and are valid, non soft, non wimpy nor less correct than the blunt dead.

And while I agree that in the case of children the clarity of dead or died is appropriate, we're not children with a limited grasp of language.

Each to their own but equally so.

I use died. I would though try to be sensitive to another's way of referring to a death.

Depends who talking to mostly say sorry for your loss but then most ppl avoid ppl who have lost a loved one as they don’t know what to say. Which is worse in my opinion.

I’m firmly in the dead or died camp.
I had a disagreement in the undertakers office with my brother last month when I wanted to use died in the newspaper announcement. I had to back down and settle for passed away, turned out he couldn’t bring himself to say ‘died’ which I found really strange. The undertaker raised her eyebrows a bit at my bluntness.

I made a point of telling people my Dad had died, no euphemisms needed.

I had ‘passed away’ removed from an official work document and replaced with ‘died’ or ‘deceased’ on the grounds of clarity and not using euphemisms.
I work in healthcare and do occasionally have to deal with death in my professional role, but one of my colleagues just refuses to say died. Not sure why. I’ll have that conversation with her one day.

I don’t like ‘lost’ either. Confused me no end as a child. I always wondered if why people weren’t out looking for the person. It also worried me I might get lost and never be found again.
Too much room for confusion. It reminds me of a story of a man who wen into a bank and said to the cashier ‘I’ve lost my wife,’
The cashier didn’t catch on straight away and replied ‘don’t worry, she’s probably still at the shops, I’m sure she’ll be along soon for your appointment’
Just awful for everyone.

I also dislike how the term ‘stillborn’ has been replaced with ‘born sleeping’
Sadly a dead baby is not going to wake up. Very worrying for a child who may overhear this and worry about going to sleep themselves in case they don’t wake up.

I totally agree with you Gandalf.

I use died too. Also cringe at “gone over the rainbow bridge” for when a pet has died but understand it is more comforting for the grieving owner.
In Nigeria they say “he/she has completed their assignment” which sums it up very well.

Thank you Nannee49. There was a recent discussion here about how to explain death to children: where do we go? I wrote something there. Sure, death is the end of us human beings but we are comprised of energy which disperses into the atmosphere. In that respect we do pass from one form into another.

I get a tad irritable with these threads which claim indignantly that language is being used wrongly when it isn’t. It would be a sad day if we only had one utilitarian word for everything. Using a synonym for the stark, painful reality of a bereavement is a compassionate thing, surely? I use died but I wouldn’t complain if someone chose another word.

When ours pet are in incurable pain and we take them to the vet for the last time, what do we say? I’m having (or have had) my cat or dog killed or put to sleep? If we chose synonyms for the death of a pet why not for a human?

Another Gandalf supporter.

Wait till you read about fur babies, RIP over the ?, I know people love their pets but is cringey

Passed on to the next stage or through the pearly gates , if you believe?
I find that just "died" or "dead" is a bit harsh and abrupt, especially if it is unexpected.

Basically, a lot of people are either uncomfortable at any hint that people die, or superstistious and feel that by using words like death, died, dying we are inviting it.

I have personally never used any of the euphemisms for death. If I am expressing sympathy to someone whose relative or friend has recently died, I might avoid the word died, if I was unsure of the person's suspectibilities and say either "I was sorry to hear the news about N". or "I am sorry for your loss, or for your bereavement".

I have known since I was 7 that people and pets die, so I have more-or-less come to terms with it. For me, using some or other odd phrase does not soften the harsh reality, or lessen my grief, but I realise others may find my approach crass.

annodomini

If anyone uses a euphemism about my demise, I'll come back and haunt them!

I will be right behind, or in front of you!

I use died when referring to my husband. I like it when people say sorry for your loss as they are referring to the huge emotional and personal loss suffered, not something in the post. I find it respectful of my feelings. It took me a while to use died, and I was wary of it as it makes people almost jump to hear the word. I don’t mind euphemisms if it makes people feel more comfortable. Their comfort is the most important thing at a time of bereavement. Sometimes, a little time needs to pass before people can use harsher worlds to describe the loss themselves, so why wouldn’t a decent soul honour that.

Passed is the American version of our passed on. I am another who prefers the term died. I always find the slightly hushed voice of a (usually) plump, middle aged man saying “of course we lost Mother last year” makes me want to say “how very careless of you,” but of course l suppress it.

No it is not MusicGirl. Read the thread.

I would use died unless the person telling me used some other term when I would probably follow their lead.