why do we say 'passed'?

A bit like the phrase ‘laid to rest’.

Dad was cremated, but when Mum wrote about the day in her diary, that was the phrase she used.

Obviously more appropriate for a burial, but writing, ‘he was cremated’ looked a bit bleak I suppose.

Agree Nannee and AussieNan.

Am elderly lady died recently. She’d had dementia, miserable last few years for everyone. Whole family sincere Christians. Her husband-in his 90s-was at church the week after she died. I greeted him with “I’m so sorry for your loss”. With a lovely smile he replied “she’s not lost dear, we know EXACTLY where she is”. That is the sure and certain hope we Christians share. Very comforting.

I always wanted to say ‘ I know exactly where he is’ when people said they were sorry I’d ‘lost’ the Bodach.
My Salvation Army friend used ‘ promoted to glory’.
When I worked in the hospice we would say someone was ‘away up’, when talking among ourselves, and we still use it in our family if we’re just talking about someone dying. Otherwise, it’s ‘died’ for me.

I suppose ‘passed’ could be over to Heaven or Hell, passed from this life to the next.

death is horrific enough as it is. Yes it is terribly painful when loved ones die, and the manner and time of death is not always as we would wish for someone, but the fact remains it is part of being human.
I think it’s possible that we protect ourselves by deceiving ourselves that it only happens to other people, and don’t like to acknowledge the reality of it, hence softening by euphemisms.
For me, as a humanist, knowing time is limited makes life all the sweeter.
I do appreciate the fear and protection and even kindness behind using euphemisms, but just doesn’t work for me. Those of faith in an afterlife where people do “pass” will think differently.

I dont think of passed away as having any religious connotation - just passed away from life.

This has given me food for thought
Normally I call a spade a spade but when Paw died, the word “died” sounds much too “active” for what happened.
He simply slipped away , so quietly we - our DDs , SILs, his sisters and I around his bed would have known nothing if I hadn’t glanced through the window to the nurses’ station and seen that line with the heart symbol flattening out.
So “passed away” seems more appropriate, and for those who also object to “lost” , yes, I lost my life’s partner, a part of me and I feel that loss daily.
So let’s not decry euphemisms but let (particularly) the bereaved, use whatever terms they find acceptable.

PS let’s not think death is always horrific - it can also be peaceful and beautiful and the old-fashioned notion of a “good death” is not all that far-fetched.

If 'passed' is an American expression it's a boomerang. Think of the end of Pilgrim's Progress - 'and so he passed over and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side'. I guess that's the origin of it.

'Sorry for your loss' sounds like a set piece, and unnatural and therefore insincere. Also, who cares whether anyone else is sorry or not, it's the bereaved person who matters.

I've told my family to say when the time comes that I've died. It says what it says and I'm satisfied with that, but each to their own

I can never understand the term "lost" either - I know several people who say they "lost" their loved ones.

winterwhite

If 'passed' is an American expression it's a boomerang. Think of the end of Pilgrim's Progress - 'and so he passed over and all the trumpets sounded for him on the other side'. I guess that's the origin of it.

'Sorry for your loss' sounds like a set piece, and unnatural and therefore insincere. Also, who cares whether anyone else is sorry or not, it's the bereaved person who matters.

Even earlier:

c1395 Chaucer's Squire's Tale: Myn harm I wol confessen er I pace.

1608 Shakespeare's King Lear Vex not his ghost, O let him passe.

1616 Shakespeare's Henry VI, Part 2 Disturbe him not, let him passe peaceably.

The term gained popularity during the Victorian interst in Spiritualism notably:

1850 Tennyson In Memoriam He past; a soul of nobler tone.

I think of it as our energy passing into the air. It has to go somewhere.

HowVeryDareYou

I can never understand the term "lost" either - I know several people who say they "lost" their loved ones.

Because it is a great loss. Again:

c1405 Chaucer Knight's Tale Vp on peyne of los of lyf.

1616 Shakespeare King John ^ I lo[v]'d him, and will weepe My date of life out, for his sweete li[v]es losse.^

These are not new expressions.

It’s also like saying you have ‘lost’ someone. Sadly they are not just lost. I always use died or dead I hate the use of ‘passed away’

Some body on the television yesterday said that someone’s life had expired. Never heard that saying before.
I use the word died. x

I work with bereaved children, we always say ‘died’ otherwise it can be so confusing for them.

I'm afraid I am a Biologist and practical, so I just expect to be recycled and pass on my secondhand atoms to new lives of some sort.

When I’m no longer here, I’ve died.
Like OP I go get irked when we dilute the meaning.
I originally heard that someone had passed I thought they had passed in their car.
Everything just now is don’t upset folk. If we can’t get upset when a loved one dies, what hope for the future generation.
Died means died.

I always say died because I once said passed and they looked out of the window to see if my uncle had drove passed the house! My explanation later seemed daft so I now say died.

The first time I saw 'passed' was in Alexander McCall Smith's novels about the Ladies' Detective Agency set in Botswana and I wondered if it was an African usage. But I've heard it since.

Well - a person who has died has passed from our view and os no longer present. Passed away from our world. It's not a bad term. I don't believe in an afterlife, but the deceased person has definitely passed away from us. It can sound/feel kinder than saying "died", specially to the recently bereaved.

We British try to avoid the word ‘dead’ and try to make the situation better by saying ‘passed’ - as if anything could make it better for the bereaved.

I’ve also heard the term ‘no longer with us’, or lost. I remember when I was a child the husband of a neighbour died, and when I saw her out walking I asked if she had found him.

Like Rosalynd69 I always assumed it was the (much more religious) American term. Died is direct, clear and unambiguous so should be preferable, but people are so soft and wimpy these days that the concept of dying has to be hidden away, like the final act of our lives, out of sight.

Grantanow

The first time I saw 'passed' was in Alexander McCall Smith's novels about the Ladies' Detective Agency set in Botswana and I wondered if it was an African usage. But I've heard it since.

I thought the term he used was “late” as in “my father is now late”
Can be confusing but we also say “the late Mr So- and-so”