The School Prom - For or Against?

My DGS's prom was a nightmare (for him). The boys met at one of their houses to assemble and go together. The Dad at this house had a bar and had fully stocked it with alcohol and encouraged them to drink their fill " for dutch courage"! He thought it funny that some of the boys were drunk before they even got there!

My DGS knew his limits so was ok to go to the party. Once there, alcohol was not allowed, but some sneaked it in. The girls were mostly in tears because of bitchiness and boyfriend trouble. The boys decided they were going to decamp to another friends house and the Dad there would provide them with "weed".

My DGS went with them because he was being bullied to go, but, upon arrival, immediately excused himself to the loo and quietly slipped out the front door and walked the 8 miles home.

The girls rang parents to collect them, and DGS's girlfriend who had been unable to attend (cost related), but had heard about it from the girls, dumped him because he had gone to "weed" house, even though he didn't stay.

Upon final analysis parents concluded the pressure of looks, appearance, one upmanship and financial divisions had been too much to cope with.

Yes all schools do seem to have them these days- one of my older adult kids didn't want to go, & one had school disco.But youngest DD did(she's 30 now this year)I got her a new posh dress& shoes but she did her hair & makeup & nails, with her sister's help- but even back then it was still quite costly (the school don't 'treat' them for all their hard work- parent still has to buy ticket for the occasion as well-usually a meal& dancing somewhere posh& expensive!) Then next one didn't want to but youngest (now 19) did- luckily as he's male it 'only' cost me the ticket, his haircut & a New suit & new shoes- still cost over a £100 just for the suit! His brother driving by then so he provided his transport- but yes there were some there who hired limos etc(even the boys!) And the girls parents must have spent an absolute fortune!- dresses, hair,shoes, nails etc.They all looked professionally done and it made them all look about 20/21 not the 16/17 they all were! (My son said he didn't even recognise some them at first as they looked so different!)It was held at the local posh golf club so expensive do as well.Schools should at least treat the 'kids' to the ticket cost if they worked hard all the secondary years.The Americans 'do it big' but usually just have the do in their own high schools- which is why the parents spend so much on clothes hair limo etc.Us british have to pay for it all.So yes they should stop them now- cost of everything/inflation is going sky high.In my day they just had a nice end of school disco.Everyone still had a great time with their friends.

M0nica

The best way to control them is to stop schools or associated groups from putting on any leaving event that requires a child to pay more than £5-£10 to attend or requires any clothes that a child would not normally have in their wardrobe - jeans and T shirt, for example.

When DD graduated from drama school, I think they all made their own dresses and DDs involved an old sheet and lots of paper hankies.

Actually, why not insist that all prom clothes, boys and girls, should be recycled from something else, like the second round on Sewing Bee?

Why do you want to 'control' them? Let the kids have some fun. For heaven's sake it's been a miserable enough couple of years for them! Where I live, most boys get suits from charity shops and the girls do the same with their dresses. If you really think they all spend hundreds then you've probably been reading the prissy old Daily Mail. Or you're in America.

Lots of schools don't actually organise the Proms, they are organised by the parents or pupils. Other events are organised by the school which are more low key. Nobody is obliged to go to a Prom so if you do not enjoy dressing up, don't go.

I don't think any of us then would have been able to afford prom dresses, tuxedos and limousines.

I don't think those at my school would have wanted them. We'd have seen that as ridiculously old-fashioned, establishment stuff.
I was astonished when I first saw a prom in an American film, as I'd had no idea teenagers were doing such things.

Happysexagenarian did the school cave and have a prom again? I'd guess they did.

Not too happy about proms for some of the reasons given by others. They rather favour the extraverted and better off.

Incredible.

An article in the paper stated that a mother had taken on some extra jobs to pay for the prom at her daughter's school; all credit to her for wanting to pay for an event and not get into debt, but the girl was at primary school, and she was working to provide spray tanning, a limousine, and a staggeringly expensive dress - for an eleven year old. I found that quite jaw dropping.

Aepgirl

It’s another American import. We have got far more history in this country than the US will ever have so why do we have to follow all their tacky trends.
How many parents are struggling with raised energy and food costs, but feel it essential that their son/daughter has hundreds of pounds spent on this ridiculous ‘event’ to keep up with others?

I totally agree with Aepgirl There could be far better ways for young people to celebrate the end of their school days without it costing a fortune and causing so much stress to their parents and less privileged kids. Perhaps they could organize fun events to raise funds for local charities and help others at the same time.

When I worked in a secondary school End of Year Proms were just taking off but the first one our school held was ruined by gangs from other local schools turning up to cause trouble. Knives were seen so the Police had to be called. Alcohol and drugs were also evident. But when the school said they would not be doing a Prom the following year there was outrage from both students and parents.

Our eldest GD will be leaving school next year. I don't know if she would like all the fuss of a Prom, she hates dressing up.

Our other GD's primary schools also do end of year Proms with makeup and prom dresses for 10/11 year olds. Ridiculous!

When I left school (mid 60s) there were no organised celebrations at all. We just finished lessons, said goodbye to favourite teachers, maybe collected autographs and went home. Finished. I don't think any of us then would have been able to afford prom dresses, tuxedos and limousines. However the boys had one 'celebration' by setting fire to the car of a much-hated teacher! They took off their ties and blazers and threw them in the fire. Happy days!

In my school days, we called them school dances. I went to an all girls' school, but was among the first to have a boyfriend, so I invited him.

Boys in suits and girls in cocktail frocks.
There was that useful thing, the bargain basement then!
Later went to a 21st birthday party with the same boy, we were both 16.

Both events strictly chaperoned and my mother picked us up after both!

My daring boyfriend and I kissed and held hands and that was that. When my mother discovered he had tried to get his hand inside my blouse, we were never left alone again! This was Scotland for you in 1967.

We've become homogeneous in today's world.
I would blame the media in all it's many forms.
Kids see and want ( demand?) what they see others having.
Hard to put the genie back in the bottle once it's begun.
It's a pity and I for one wish for the good sense of earlier times.

Several such events were scheduled by local schools in the pub opposite our cottage.
On the final such occasion, I found a couple of condoms in sheltered areas near the house + a hand bag containing half a bottle of vodka.
On complaining to the landlord he said that he had thought that something like that had been going on as his bar takings were down. The other activities did not worry him at all but he cancelled the remaining such events due to lack of bar revenue

I am sure my granddaughter was pleased last year when celebrations were scaled back because of Covid. Year 11 had a simple afternoon garden party. She bought a short dress very cheaply, the sort you could easily wear again on a warm summer day. After the event, which only lasted a couple of hours, they went off in small groups, so any drinking was not in any way up to the school to police.

Mouse

They are even creeping into primary school. My grandaughter’s school is organising an end of school disco for the year 6’s. Sounds ok but the theme is Hollywood and limousine’s are being provided (at a cost). I think it’s right to mark the transition to high school but I’m not sure a prom by another name is the right way to do it.

Oh yes. There’s a prom at all the local primary schools including ours.
You get a vision of what some of the girls will look like in a couple of years - their skilfully applied make up is already impressive.
The head forbade pick up from outside school in limousines after the year where a group of particularly nasty girls, arranged for all except 2 girls to be in them. The dresses haven’t been OTT so far at ours, but who knows.

Lots can’t afford the elaborate occasion. Why not have a school dance. Tasteful and not too costly.
Girls school inviting a boys school, black tie great fun. Play down the tacky stuff. Definitely no limousines etc- prob solved.
Teach them to do a basic waltz and this will last them a lifetime.

They are even creeping into primary school. My grandaughter’s school is organising an end of school disco for the year 6’s. Sounds ok but the theme is Hollywood and limousine’s are being provided (at a cost). I think it’s right to mark the transition to high school but I’m not sure a prom by another name is the right way to do it.

Round here there are very few sixth forms in schools so our year elevens are leaving school. With my own children l was able to get their outfits fairly cheaply - for the boys l bought a cheap jacket, trousers and white shirt from Asda and they borrowed a bow tie from my husband. My daughter’s outfit was relatively inexpensive as we bought it in the sales. The shoes were the hardest as she takes size 2 but Brantano sold extreme sizes. We did treat her to her hair and nails. All three enjoyed themselves. My oldest son went to a special school and the parents clubbed together for a limousine to take them all to the event. I think if done sensibly it can be a lovely way to mark leaving school.

I agree it’s just another American custom that’s made it’s way here with excessive spending expected. I’ve even seen junior schools doing proms for eleven year olds!
When I left school in 1958 we had a ‘Leavers Party’ which consisted of a cold buffet in the school assembly hall followed by country dancing ? and games. All done by 10 pm. No ball gowns or black tie, just your best frock if you had one.

My DC had them 18 years ago (eldest) so they are not new. Not at primary though.

It's the American way.
My DD's Nana made her prom dress, 30 years ago.
There was a LOT of competition, one-upmanship.
My DD busied herself taking the photos for the year book.
She was not then, nor is she now, into all that BS.
And no, I'm not American.
You'll get used to it.

It seems that shops that sell these glamorous dresses ask the student which school it is that they attend. This is to make sure that another student from the same school doesn't choose the same dress!
We had a barn dance in my day back in the 60s!

All my children went to a Prom at the end of year 11 so they have been common here in England for 30 odd years, not a recent import. Organised by the students, held in school hall with an after party at a local sports club. I managed to keep costs reasonable as bot my boys were able to fit in their fathers DJ so only needed decent shoes and my daughter asked me to make her dress. She dad have her hair done at my local hairdressers but it cost no more than a usual cut and blow - and she paid for it herself anyway.

Transport to the prom was the big thing at their school, it was a big competition to arrive in an unusual vehicle and they used to parade around the village beforehand while people stood and watched. One year they had a helicopter land on the playing fields, someone abseiled from the school roof ( banned for subsequent years!) and a boy once arrived accompanied by the marching band he was part of! Luckily two of my children were happy to be driven by their dad in a posh car he borrowed but my youngest clubbed together with about 20 friends to hire a flat bed truck which they decorated with tables, chairs, a bar and lots of plants to look like a speakeasy type of bar!

As an ex teacher, I was also involved in proms at two secondary schools, I was never asked to pay for a ticket though, my role was simply to supervise but we did dress up to suit the occasions and enjoyed our own little celebration after the pupils left - and after we had tidied up!

I see no harm in them, the children enjoy them and it marks the end of many years of school, especially as around here, few school have a sixth form so the children spilt up to go to different colleges. All the school I know have a day trip to Alton Towers as well, often paid for through fundraising by the pupils.

Oh I hate the whole idea of them. The pressure to 'look fab' - I was the chubby spotty one. The false 'everything' - tan, hair, make-up, nails, really really reinforcing the value that certainly for girls you appearance IS your whole value. The horror of not being 'chosen' by a boy, the fancy transport. And then as others have said God help the parent who does not have the means to provide all this. It's enough to make you drink and smoke in the park!!

It’s another American import. We have got far more history in this country than the US will ever have so why do we have to follow all their tacky trends.
How many parents are struggling with raised energy and food costs, but feel it essential that their son/daughter has hundreds of pounds spent on this ridiculous ‘event’ to keep up with others?

At least they haven't introduced the whole Prom Queen thing.