The School Prom - For or Against?

I would have loved to have something to celebrate my last school days but we had absolutely nothing. Total fizzer. At least the kids get something these days. They were a miserable lot in my day.

It's yet another expensive import from America which strains the purse strings. All 'image' and 'show' which you're either happy with or not. My niece seems to enjoy that sort of thing but then she's young and pretty and has a boyfriend, who I assume will be her escort for the evening.

It's nice to mark one's last days at school -we made do with a small disco, but then our expectations were much lower.

I left school with absolutely no event at all. Just got on the school bus and went home after my last exam. Think I’m a bit jealous of the events marking what is a major part of your young life. Not necessarily a prom though!

Treetops05

My daughter left school in 2002, and had a Prom, we weren't well off, as I was a mature student and her Dad unemployed after us all moving to care for his parents. We had to find and buy a dress (my daughter had extreme weight issues due to Autism) and this was hard, we had to 'share' the cost of a limo (I say share, as many didn't pay afterwards so all others had to pay double).

My daughter hated the night as she felt ugly, (her words), I thought she looked beautiful and people at the event got stupid, and she was bullied on the night. She said a few years ago she wished she hadn't attended, and tbh so do I.

I'm so sorry to hear that.
We hate our children to be sad, don't we?
She was brave to go though, wasn't she and you should all be proud of that?

Quote: "Happysexagenarian did the school cave and have a prom again? I'd guess they did."

FarNorth: I don't know, I resigned the following year.
They probably did and no doubt had problems again. The school was in a rough London borough and had always had a poor reputation, even though the staff and most of the kids were great. English was a second language for 40% of the students, most families on benefits, many were refugees, parents could barely feed them let alone provide money for Prom events, laptops, school trips etc. They just wanted their kids to leave school and earn some money. The headteacher, who had only been there a year at the time of the first Prom, had come from a very different teaching environment: a fee paying school in a nice area, wealthy helpful parents etc. He had no idea how to deal with disinterested kids and parents, gang fights between schools, no funding or financial help from parents, and a neighbourhood who had never wanted a school there.

Nevertheless, the school is still there and a lot better now so I'm told. There have been two more headteachers since I left and the school has doubled in size and is now more popular in the area.

My daughter left school in 2002, and had a Prom, we weren't well off, as I was a mature student and her Dad unemployed after us all moving to care for his parents. We had to find and buy a dress (my daughter had extreme weight issues due to Autism) and this was hard, we had to 'share' the cost of a limo (I say share, as many didn't pay afterwards so all others had to pay double).

My daughter hated the night as she felt ugly, (her words), I thought she looked beautiful and people at the event got stupid, and she was bullied on the night. She said a few years ago she wished she hadn't attended, and tbh so do I.

Nannan2 Schools should at least treat the 'kids' to the ticket cost if they worked hard all the secondaryyears
Not sure what teachers, who pay out of their own pocket for stationery, books, courses etc in order to support their pupils, would say to the school 'treating' pupils to a £40 meal and disco! Is this all pupils or just a few (and if it's just a few, how could they be chosen fairly?)

LovelyLady

Lots can’t afford the elaborate occasion. Why not have a school dance. Tasteful and not too costly.
Girls school inviting a boys school, black tie great fun. Play down the tacky stuff. Definitely no limousines etc- prob solved.
Teach them to do a basic waltz and this will last them a lifetime.

These days a school doesn't let kids from another school into its buildings. Insurance! Security?

I am a (new) school governor. Was shocked when I saw the "invite" £25 for the ticket to attend. So many families on estate where I live can't afford food let alone this price. I will be raising a next meeting!

One of my daughters lives in the USA and her elder son and daughter have both been to their proms. (Her younger son flatly refused to go and her younger daughter is only 10.) They both enjoyed themselves but it was quite expensive. I was talking to my daughter about it on Zoom and I said that it must be a problem for families who didn't have much money. One of my daughter's American friends was there and she said that it was customary for girls to donate their gowns, so that the following year poor girls could come to a session at the school and borrow them for nothing.

She obviously thought that this was wonderful and I thought it would be rude to disagree, but I was thinking how humiliating it must be to have to go and get some other kid's cast-off because your family was too poor to buy one. I suppose it isn't much different to buying a wedding dress from a charity shop, as both types of dress have only been worn once and it makes sense to recycle them.... but the American lady clearly thought that it was a treat for them but I couldn't help thinking how awful I would feel if I was one of those girls.

On the other hand, I am the sort of person who would have cringed at the idea of a school prom anyway. Thank God they didn't have them here when I was young.

When my girls were at school there were parents who could afford more expensive stuff than me and also those that could afford less than me. Why do people assume that if you can afford more and you will be lording it over those that can’t. If what the girls wanted was too expensive than they couldn’t have it. Simples! No one is forcing attendance to proms. If you don’t like it don’t go. Personally I think I might have liked to really dress up for one evening.

My DGD’s school has asked the students to organise themselves into tables of 10. My DGD has a lovely friendship group, so they are fine, but the less popular are asking around to find a table to join. How humiliating, bad for self-esteem etc. I’m sad for them and generally appalled

A leaving party in the school hall should be perfectly adequate.

Maybe I'm cynical but I can't help feeling that, like the school ski trip and who gets to go on it, the elaborate prom is a way for the pushier, wealthier parents to make sure that the poorer kids know their place.

To be honest I can't remember what we did instead. Post O-level, in 1970, anyway. Most of my friendship group knew we were going on to the sixth form and had already started some of that before the end of the school year, so we didn't do anything much I think. After A-levels I think we arranged our own party outside school.

The children I used to teach (1976-80) had a disco leaving party in the school.

Nothing like that in my day. Last day of term the hymn was Now thank we all our God. Our version was now the Term Iis ended etc. Gathered up our sports gear and that was that Untl next term..

In other words MOnica …an ordinary ‘end of term party’ like my two kids had, and indeed I had all that long time ago, in mid sixties! These things are awful American rubbish ….totally wasteful and horrible for those kids whose parents cant afford the ‘glam’ aspect of it. Divisive and unnecessary!
Ban them!!!

Blue Sky. How true. I was never told people celebrated Haloween when I was a kid. The idea was laughable. End of school dances at the school? How rediculous, we all know each other so where’s the fun in only having people we know there. Growing up means meeting new people.

Nearly all the charity shops round here have displays and special sections for prom dresses and l think a lot of youngsters do buy them.

I dont know where that poster lives but trust us parents when we say the teenagers these days would NOT want suits or dresses from a Charity Shop for their prom- in fact i doubt anyones giving anything that nice to charity shops nowadays! If they are not worn again folk will SELL them on to recoup the cost.I have made my son keep his suit in case of any future weddings, christenings, funerals etc that may be in the family.

It was a waste of money for the food when my youngest attended- as they had a set menu of stuff he did not actually eat-(texture issues etc) i had liaised with teacher organising it who assured me he could have everything 'plain' (no sauces,gravies etc) but on the night he hardly ate anything and from what he said his friends didn't like the 'posh' food either. I think these restaurants make these menus mostly for any adults attending.The teenagers would probably like a simpler menu. ?

Didn't have anything like the Prom when I left school. The expense is bad emough in normal times but just now, why can't the school have a celebration one afternoon, presenting their certificate of leaving with perhaps some food served afterwards. Cost would be minimal for all. Those who want to go have an elaborate, expensive over the top night out then they can organise that amongst themselves. Schools are encouraging this totally unnecessary event adopted from America.

I'm so glad there was none of that nonsense when I was at school. A boogie at the school disco, warm orange juice and boys all lined up along the wall waiting to pounce. Great times ?

Paperbackwriter

M0nica

The best way to control them is to stop schools or associated groups from putting on any leaving event that requires a child to pay more than £5-£10 to attend or requires any clothes that a child would not normally have in their wardrobe - jeans and T shirt, for example.

When DD graduated from drama school, I think they all made their own dresses and DDs involved an old sheet and lots of paper hankies.

Actually, why not insist that all prom clothes, boys and girls, should be recycled from something else, like the second round on Sewing Bee?

Why do you want to 'control' them? Let the kids have some fun. For heaven's sake it's been a miserable enough couple of years for them! Where I live, most boys get suits from charity shops and the girls do the same with their dresses. If you really think they all spend hundreds then you've probably been reading the prissy old Daily Mail. Or you're in America.

Let the kids have some fun

All very jolly if your mum has the money to buy stuff to kit you out.
If not, you're the tormented soul who makes an excuse not to go, 'cos you haven't the bottle to stand out from the crowd and look, well, different.
Teenagers can be very cruel.
Not the child's fault.

Tanama- I suspect the 'unworn' dresses for sale have actually been worn as well-as an unworn dress would be more desirable- unless they suddenly could not attend- or indeed have enough cash to change their mind at last minute and buy a different dress!

I used to teach in the local comprehensive school. There was a year 12 prom and a sixth form prom each year. I attended the sixth form one once and it made me dread how awful the year 11 one must have been. It’s started with a lovely formal 3 course meal in a hotel. At my table most of the students refused to eat the food which they described as “muck” and everyone left the vegetables. They kept leaving the table for no good reason throughout the meal and were impolite to the staff. Their table manners were non existent. The food was actually very good indeed. That was enough for me and I left early.