Meanwhile there's a lot of hot air going around here today.
Honestly, you women in the cheap cabins and broom cupboards have no idea what’s it’s like dealing with celebrities and their egos. I’ve been on the phone for an hour, yes, an hour trying to placate Mr Planck who is mortified at the aspersions cast upon his personal hygiene. This is a Nobel prize winner we are talking about here, an eminent scientist who rather enjoys being encased in protective rubber. He assures me his PPE is impeccable. I think that’s what he said. I have to tell you that it’s touch and go now whether he and his test tubes will appear this evening. I rather think he and they will not.
News spreads fast in the world of entertainment. I have had a call from the agent of one Mr J. Peasmold Gruntfuttock of Hoxton who is willing to step in if required. I am assured that he has had at least one bath since 1965. He would like to join us along with his wife Buttercup. On reflection, I think his particular talents would not be suitable for this occasion.
Rest assured, we are working tirelessly behind the scenes to bring you something educational this evening. Watch this space.
Did you know that the Rhône delta is rich in plankton? You do now! In my relentless quest to find entertaining subjects for our evening lecture programme, it’s becoming increasingly
difficult to top what has gone before. Cement, paint stripper and duct tape are hard acts to follow. However, we may be on to a winner with plankton.
Unfortunately, our bids for Attenborough and Packham have failed. One is far too busy polishing his gongs and the other is far too busy tormenting Michaela Strachan on live TV.
Third time lucky, I have managed to secure the eminent German physicist Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck to speak to us - the finest example of nominative determinism you are liked to find. Being dead is no obstacle. If anyone was going to invent time travel, he would have done. Not his usual subject, of course, only a hobby you understand, nevertheless expect a riveting talk on bacteria, archaea, algae and protozoa. Now you wished you’d paid attention in amoebae class?
As always. Orderly queue for an 18:00 start. GSM will be frisked for duct tape at the door.
À bientôt she said prematurely with an umlaut not a 'flex. I'll be hauled up by the pendant police again. The boss is doing something else so I can sit here in the corner tapping out more nonsense for a bit longer.
Where are Julian and Sandy? I thought they'd make a swift beeline for the boat as soon as we mentioned sailors' bars in Marseille.
If Joseanne needs a break from the cooking we could always rope in Daphne Whitethigh. Rhinoceros is not very appetising but you do get marvellous crackling.
Seems like almost everyone who has contributed regularly is happy to continue with our adventure. 
Not much time today as I’m supposed to be working. 40 km from Arles to Port St Louis. The guide book tells us that PSL is sometimes called a city from the end of the world which sound ominously dystopian. There’s also a beach called Napoleon. Hmm. Let’s hope there’s no large, fierce-looking Berkshire boar plonked there on his beach towel. He may have subdued the animals on the farm but he has yet to encounter a posse of party women from GN.
À bientöt.
Loving your cooking - not sick of it at all!
( ??? might have not been unconnected with quantities of Demoiselle slooshing around last night)
Anyway on a more cheerful note that nice man M. Christian Dior has come up with our new cruising uniform!
(It must be the first time ever I’ve seen anything remotely wearable on a catwalk.)
Fetching! And who knows what it might fetch………
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