I want to leave and never be found again

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so low. Others have suggested things to do which may help.
Can I add one more thing to consider if you like dogs. Hearing dogs for the deaf or hard of hearing are a wonderful charity who can provide a companion for you - to help get you out and about safely. Walking a dog everyday would be enjoyable and people talk to you! You can make lots of new acquaintances who will become friends.
You say money is tight- the charity take all this into consideration and will fund you for the dogs expenses. They’ll provide support all along & teach you everything you need to know about the care of the dog.
It would give you lots to look forward to.

It's good to hear from you again craftycrochet and to know that you were out in the sunshine yesterday. Sunshine and fresh air always helps to raise one's spirits.

I hope you've contacted the Samaritans. They helped me through the darkest times in the early morning hours when I couldn't sleep x.

I am a night owl I whole heartedly agree you can pour your heart out here and someone will respond. I am glad you came back because I was worried about you as others here probably are. I will reiterate again though you should see your doctor to alleviate your anxiety.
I knew someone special who worked for the Samaritans and I know they always gave this advice. Write a list of troubles you have one at a time so each trouble can be discussed and it will help clear the chaos in your mind. This will prioritise your problems which will help sort out your life.

So nice to hear from you craftycrochet . There are some fantastic people here - I call them friends. I came on here when I was going through a difficult time. And I still come on here when I have a problem (I’m one of those who always has a problem). I won’t mention names but there some very special people here.
When you feel ‘down’, just cone here. There’s always someone online. I’m an owl and am on here at odd hours.
Keep us posted x

Next time you sit in the sunshine and feel lonely write something down here there will always be someone to listen and reply even in the night lots of people can be a bit nocturnal
I have to say I have made two very good friends from GN and although we ve never met and probably never will we can talk about anything and everything Friends come in all forms

We all have these big old problems few are without, but it’s what we do with them that count at the moment you are piling them up and it’s a heavy weight but you can get rid of them one by one if you would like to and imagine how much lighter that will feel just like throwing off layers of clothes

I think you ve made a start, you’re doing really well just keep going now don’t stop

So nice to hear from you again craftycrochet. The Samaritans are wonderful at listening. It’s very difficult to discuss these feelings I know, so well done for coming and talking to us. There’s always a friend here, all hours. It’s good to know you know why you’ve been having the tummy problems. Stress is such a common trigger. I hope you feel a little bit better for having got in touch with us, so many friends here for you and you can always find understanding and support. Nice that you could enjoy the sunshine, it makes us all feel a bit better doesn’t it? ??

Hi everybody. Sorry late reply but I just want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and for just replying and being there for me. It really means a lot. I will seek help from Samaritans because that's the only thing I have not actually tried and I have heard good things about them. I find it difficult to open up because I have nobody to open up to if you get me. I sat out in the garden today in this gorgeous sunshine and just tried to think rationally about things. Ps about my diarrhoea and weight loss, it has already been investigated by gastroenterology and it is IBS triggered by stress. Wright loss is due to the fact that I don't eat when I am stressed or depressed and anxious like I am right now x x x

So sorry and sending you a hug ?
There's lots of good advice above so I hope you will seek help as soon as possible.

am so sorry to hear how things are, craftycrochet, it's so hard when it seems no one cares about you. I don't know what your job is but some employers have support services for their employees who are going through hard times. Please do call your local wellbeing services, Samaritans or emergency services. Or even if you are not a member of a church, an not interested in religion, often clergy will listen to someone in distress and have ideas for what support there is in the neighborhood.
At the moment it seems like everyone is catching up with everything put on hold over covid doesn't it.

Just seen this and have tears in my eyes for all the loving kindness and support shown here for all going through dark times - craftycrochet please take hold of the hands held out to you as Bluebelle so beautifully put it ?

Just wanted to bump this thread and ask how you're feeling today craftycrochet .

Running away isn't the answer crafty crochet the problems and depression would go with you too. It's time to take control and insist on a proper consultation with your GP and insist you're at the end of your tether and need urgent help. There are many good and caring people on here with excellent advice, take it and do come back and let us know how you get on, we're here, we'll help if we can, even if it's just to encourage you and give a virtual hug when you need it ?

BlueBelle........ Excellent. ??

You have plenty of support on here good advice please take it and sort your self the help you need. You don’t want to run away and get lost you want to be found. By crying out for help and making the first move on here proves that.
There are people here who have been and are still going through difficult times in their lives. I had rough times in my past and only recently found a family situation unbearable to live with. But with good listening ears and advice I got out of that dark place that was dragging me down.
You too can see the light at the end of the tunnel but only you can make it happen. Go and insist on a consultation with a doctor do not take no for an answer. Look up the links you have been referred too and please keep in touch on here?

Please please don’t discount counselling just because it didn’t work before’ it is not a fix all but could be what you need right now Also if your doctor is unhelpful please change surgeries some are very good others not so the same with doctors some are much better with mental health than others
Nothing will change unless you make it change
no friends will just pop up you have to look for friends you have to be open and want to help and interact with others and from that may come good solid friendships but you have to put in as much as you get out …..but that’s for later first
do get a Gp sorted for both your physical and mental health the rest will fit in
Death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be you won’t know how good or bad it is will you ?
How old is your child. . Do you have a good supportive husband ? Hearing impairment is hard my poor Mum had very little hearing it’s particularly tough but not insurmountable but everything is impossible until you get your mental and physical health sorted first
Good luck craftycricheter

Keep talking to us you have already put your hand out for friendship and we are all holding it

GSM's right craftycrochet even when you're in the darkest place imaginable, life can become good again and I also know this from personal experience.

Please read through all of the responses you've received so far and think about the suggestions made. Contacting your GP again and keep on doing so until s/he agrees to a face to face appointment. 'Phoning the Samaritans who really are wonderful. Taking a look at the link Sago has provided.

As Chardy has posted, you've taken the first step by sharing here with all of us, and I can't help but think that's because there's a tiny part of you that doesn't want to leave and does want to be found, and as long as there's that spark, no matter how small, there's hope .

craftycrochet I'm glad you've hit rock bottom, because it means you're now on the way up. You've taken the first important step, you've put in all into words, and shared. Now you've got assorted advice to sift through, and in the next couple of days (definitely before the weekend) you should do at least one thing that you can look back on and say 'I've started my comeback'. (That's my bit of advice btw)

You clearly love craft, can you join a craft group? My craft group keeps me afloat. It's not easy joining people who already know each other... but I promise it's doable. The last person to join ours is hearing-impaired. If, after a few meetings, you hate it, find another.

Let us know how you get on. Put something on this thread in a few days. Good luck.

I agree with MOnica talk to the Dr about your physical symptoms craftycrochet then you have taken the first step. I'm sorry you feel like this, it must be so debilitating. Read all the responses on here, there are people who care and others who have been through similar periods of illness. I wish you well.

Having depression (controlled by medication) and having felt suicidal in the past, I agree with all the good advice you have been given here. Believe me, even when you are the darkest place imaginable, life can become good again. It did for me, but it’s because the medication gives me balance. I would also suggest joining the Black Dog Gang on here. Everyone there has experienced deep depression and anxiety and they are not judgmental. They are good friends who listen and share. Give it a go, you won’t regret it.

craftycrochet There is only one solution. You must do something to help yourself.

People here have given you lots of advice, links etc, where help is available. I really recommend the Samaritans as a start for ypur state of mind.

Ring your doctor about the diarrhoea and weight loss and insist on being seen. These are serious symptoms. If all else fails go to A&E

I understand because I have faced times of deep dark depression even when everything in my life was going well.

Please dont give up on yourself.

A saying I live by, you are everything you want to be.

Everything you want to be, everything that you aspire too, every value that matters, thats who you are. There ars tjings right now standing in the way of that and its not your fault but it is your responsibility.

Now find the right help and work towards it. Dont give up on you. Love yourself.

You have wonderful advice on here craftycrochet. Hope it helps but just wanted to say I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. ?

Hi there, I think you need help immediately.
Please click on the link and follow the advice.
You have serious depression.

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjm8Laypq34AhWIgVwKHbW7DsgQFnoECAMQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mind.org.uk%2Finformation-support%2Fguides-to-support-and-services%2Fcrisis-services%2Fgetting-help-in-a-crisis%2F&usg=AOvVaw36-NRetLCUPaRkfbYEp4dl

Good luck.

Wanting to run away as a teen , my Mum pointed out I can’t run from myself , you need help , it’s worth persisting , look at a plant , a tree a cloud , but never at the wall !