I want to leave and never be found again

I am so sorry that life is so difficult for you at the moment. I hope that you might be able to talk to your GP about how depressed you feel. They might be able to find a treatment to help you.

You can of courser ring the Samaritans who are wonderful and listen and care. This is their number: 116123

I hope you find some help soon.

Please contact your doctor but talk to the Samaritans as soon as possible. It may be that you are depressed and need some medical help but talking to a sympathetic ear can help too.

Please get help

Samaritans are a good place to start and your GP as you sound clinically depressed.
There are sympathetic listening ears here on GN but it is hard from a distance - please get help

Pick up the phone and ring your GP right away.
You have a child and husband. Think of them and do something about these negative feelings you have.
P.S. The possible reason for your Diarrhoea is your constant worry and anxiety

Lets differentiate the multiple issues here - so sorry you are feeling down

Please go to the doc to address this depression and anxiety - now, do not wait any longer

Why do say your AC lets you down?
If so, why expect anything from him/her?

Please think of other ways to interact with people that are not phone based.
A message board is written based and it would help you have some company and feel less lonely

How about whatsapp or messenger based apps to communicate?

As soon your depression and anxiety are under control, you will make positive changes in everything else

I've tried my gp so many times. They're just not interested. They still not accepting patients face to face and on the phone they just give me information on counselling at mind. I've tried counselling years ago and I wasn't benefitting from it.

I don’t want to read and run so I’ll just add that the advice you’ve been given is worth taking. Also maybe explore whether there is any community help you could get - a local befriending service perhaps? If you have spare time can you volunteer at a food bank or in a charity shop where you’ll be meeting lots of potential friends - research has shown that helping others improves wellbeing.

Lockdown has shown me how selfish my 'friends' are craftycrochet, you need to be your own best friend.

I know money is tight, but start building some little treats into your life. Ask your husband to take your child out so you can have a bubble bath in peace, read a good book, do something just for you for half an hour.

Do persist in asking to see the doctor and get some anti-depressants, you need to take them for at least six weeks for your serotonin levels to increase. If the doctors aren't seeing people, ask for a zoom interview, tell the receptionist how urgent it is you receive help.

Many people prefer a solitary life. Loneliness is not simply being solitary. Craftycrochet, your problem is just what a good cousellor can help with.

A good counsellor can tease out the different strands of your unhappiness so you can deal with them one by one. I imagine simply venting your feelings is not what you need.

For instance, you need to think about your self esteem and how that may depend on how much or how little others want to talk to you. It does not have to matter to your self esteem if people don't want to talk to you. Most people talk rubbish anyway. By contrast, your message is the most interesting I have read all day.

If what you want is just people to natter to, I have no advice as I am bad at simple nattering.

Then go to another doc till you find one that provides a solution

Please try therapy again - you have to kiss many frogs till you find the one

Do not give up

You need help with your physical symptoms too. Having diarrhea and weight loss needs to be checked by your doctor.
I would insist on a face to face appointment with a GP as your physical and mental health need to be assessed and treated soon.
I hope you can get the help you need ?

I'm so sorry. I hope you find a solution. As suggested maybe a different GP. I saw my GP a while back feeling somewhat similar, although thankfully I'm not alone. GP couldn't get me out of the surgery quick enough when I started to cry. Best wishes to you.

I am so sad reading your post. Please do ring the surgery for an appointment, be strong and demand a face to face appointment. Already mentioned I know , but the Samaritans always have listening ears do ring or call to see them .
Your hearing and speech impediment should not be a barrier .
Clearly you need support, do set the wheels in motion for yourself , hard I know when you feel so low !! but try to be assertive and put your needs above all else. You have taken a positive step by posting on GN , so well done you ! Go one step further now and ring your GP practice, I know how difficult it is to get an appointment but do call them and do not pull any punches with the receptionist - paint a very clear picture of how you feel physically and mentally and DO NOT take no for an answer. I wish you well and send you a big ' hug ' you are important so never forget that . Good luck .

craftycrochet, I am so sorry you are feeling so low. As someone who has had counselling on several occasions I can tell you that whether it is helpful or not very much depends on the Counsellor. It can be extremely helpful if you click with your Counsellor so it is worth trying again even if it hasn't worked before. It is also possible for the Counsellor to arrange a different sort of help.
As struggling to communicate is such big problem which isolates you, have you thought of trying to get help from Help the Deaf. There are so many different aids you can get these days; you might even find that they have a club you can join where everybody will understand the difficulties you have so you don't need to feel self conscious.
As for your weight loss and diarrhoea, go on to e-consult and ask to see a bowel specialist. The beauty of e-consult is that it is often a different GP that looks at your application and they come with fresh eyes. I have had much better results using this system and there is an opportunity to write on the form what YOU want out of the consultation so they have to explain why they won't refer you.

You sound desperate craftycrochet and I just wonder if this
NHS site may be of help to you.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

I am so sorry craftycrochet that you fell like that and that its been gong on and on you must be very miserable and thats no ay to live. Please follow the link that Maywalk has given you.
There are people here who care and who will listen so please carry on posting and know that people do care about you and want you to get well.

Wanting to run away as a teen , my Mum pointed out I can’t run from myself , you need help , it’s worth persisting , look at a plant , a tree a cloud , but never at the wall !

Hi there, I think you need help immediately.
Please click on the link and follow the advice.
You have serious depression.

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjm8Laypq34AhWIgVwKHbW7DsgQFnoECAMQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mind.org.uk%2Finformation-support%2Fguides-to-support-and-services%2Fcrisis-services%2Fgetting-help-in-a-crisis%2F&usg=AOvVaw36-NRetLCUPaRkfbYEp4dl

Good luck.

You have wonderful advice on here craftycrochet. Hope it helps but just wanted to say I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. ?

I understand because I have faced times of deep dark depression even when everything in my life was going well.

Please dont give up on yourself.

A saying I live by, you are everything you want to be.

Everything you want to be, everything that you aspire too, every value that matters, thats who you are. There ars tjings right now standing in the way of that and its not your fault but it is your responsibility.

Now find the right help and work towards it. Dont give up on you. Love yourself.

craftycrochet There is only one solution. You must do something to help yourself.

People here have given you lots of advice, links etc, where help is available. I really recommend the Samaritans as a start for ypur state of mind.

Ring your doctor about the diarrhoea and weight loss and insist on being seen. These are serious symptoms. If all else fails go to A&E

Having depression (controlled by medication) and having felt suicidal in the past, I agree with all the good advice you have been given here. Believe me, even when you are the darkest place imaginable, life can become good again. It did for me, but it’s because the medication gives me balance. I would also suggest joining the Black Dog Gang on here. Everyone there has experienced deep depression and anxiety and they are not judgmental. They are good friends who listen and share. Give it a go, you won’t regret it.

I agree with MOnica talk to the Dr about your physical symptoms craftycrochet then you have taken the first step. I'm sorry you feel like this, it must be so debilitating. Read all the responses on here, there are people who care and others who have been through similar periods of illness. I wish you well.

craftycrochet I'm glad you've hit rock bottom, because it means you're now on the way up. You've taken the first important step, you've put in all into words, and shared. Now you've got assorted advice to sift through, and in the next couple of days (definitely before the weekend) you should do at least one thing that you can look back on and say 'I've started my comeback'. (That's my bit of advice btw)

You clearly love craft, can you join a craft group? My craft group keeps me afloat. It's not easy joining people who already know each other... but I promise it's doable. The last person to join ours is hearing-impaired. If, after a few meetings, you hate it, find another.

Let us know how you get on. Put something on this thread in a few days. Good luck.