Can teasing be subtle bullying?

Urmstongran

Didn’t StarDreamer just mean a smile? Not a simile perhaps.
I am definitely confused dot com.

It was meant to be smile, I miskeyed, but alas did not preview the post, my mistake, sorry.

I agree MissAdventure, but only when everybody is in on the joke; "in" jokes, where only a couple of people know what the joke is about and one person is left out, knowing that others are finding something funny but not being a part of it, is really cruel and exclusionary.

It's all fine, stardreamer
No need to explain yourself, unless you want to, of course.

MawtheMerrier

Nice story but what has it got to do with the topic of the thread?

It contrasts the story from Zoejory.

The people where her daughter worked could have been like the women where my relative worked, but they were not.

If they had been, then Zoejory's daughter would have had a good experience rather than what she got.

Did they try to make out it was her fault?

When I first visited Scotland, one of the first things I was told was that my voice sounded as if it should be coming out from under a partially open manhole cover.

Oh yes 'in jokes' are pretty uncomfortable unless everyone's 'in' .

Doodledog

Callistemon21

Like telling the joke about the man who, in Paris, asked the band at a venue to play the song about the pink aeroplane. [^simile^]

What am I missing here?

No idea, but it doesn't feel very nice.

I think that 'teasing' can be tantamount to bullying. My father used to say some cutting things, and if my sister and I got upset we were told that we couldn't take a joke.

Even now, my mum insists that he wouldn't have said things if he knew they were hurtful, but it's not true. The gaslighting is almost as bad as the comments, as it leaves you unsure about boundaries and when to stick up for yourself.

Good natured banter between friends is one thing, but as soon as someone shows signs of discomfort it really should stop.

The joke is harmless and entirely suitable for mixed company.

I intended to put

Like telling the joke about the man who, in Paris, asked the band at a venue to play the song about the pink aeroplane.

I should have put the Englishman to indicate a translation misunderstanding.

The joke mentions Paris because it is two phrases in French that sound-alike but have different meanings.

L'avion rose means the pink aeroplane

La vie en rose means something like life in the pink

That is a famous French song.

Edith Piaf sings La vie en rose

I’m lost now, but I wasn’t in any way having a go at you, StarDreamer.

None of it bothers me now. It used to upset me. I was very sensitive. I'm nearly 73. I've been joked about, patronised and insulted many times. I no longer take any notice.

Ah, Kate,that's awful.

Kate1949

None of it bothers me now. It used to upset me. I was very sensitive. I'm nearly 73. I've been joked about, patronised and insulted many times. I no longer take any notice.

If it helps, I regard you as a kind lady who helped me.

MissA Thank you but it's not really awful. It's just life isn't it?

Thank you SD. Oh goodness I've turned this into a poor me thread (again).

Doodledog

I’m lost now, but I wasn’t in any way having a go at you, StarDreamer.

Well, the Englishman had heard the song La vie en rose being sung and he liked the sound of it, but did not know what most of the words meant, but he had heard the words La vie en rose and misunderstood it to be the similarly sounding L'avion rose, which translated into English means The pink aeroplane, so he asked the band to play the song about the pink aeroplane.

It is an old joke, I first knew of it over fifty years ago, it is not a joke that I made up myself.

I suppose that if the band leader knew the joke he might have then had the band play La vie en rose.

I was “teased” by my father, mother and brother.

As an adult I realise it was abuse.

No you've not.

It is just life, as you say, but well.. we all have our reasons for wanting kindness.
It's what we're here for, really. (Hopefully)

MissAdventure wrote It's what we're here for, really.

By here do you mean alive on Earth or do you mean on Gransnet?

Here on earth, I reckon.
What do you think we're here for, stardreamer?
It's fine if you don't want to say.

Maybe that could be an interesting thread in itself?

Yes great idea for a thread MissA. Kindness was alien to me until I was an adult.

I can't imagine how that must have been.
I can try to see what a profound affect it must have on someone, though.

MissAdventure

Maybe that could be an interesting thread in itself?

Yes it has the potential to be an interesting thread.

I think that a new thread would be best as otherwise this thread would go off-topic.

A link to the new thread could be added in this thread.

Definitely. Especially when aimed at someone known to be sensitive/vulnerable, and followed by, ‘You’re just too sensitive/touchy!/ Lighten up!/You can’t take a joke! etc.

Chewbacca
If I got upset, I was accused of being "precious". If I got angry, I was told that I had no sense of humour and "couldn't take a joke". If I ignored it and pretended not to care, they did it more to get a reaction.

You have my sympathy. I’ve been in a similar situation. It is bullying, but wasn’t seen like that at the time.
It’s also seen differently when different people are involved. An elderly lady near our childhood home said to my brother, “Goodness me! You’ve grown since I last saw you!” My brother promptly responded, “Well you’ve shrunk since I saw you!”
Guess who got told off for bad manners!

We used to have a friend who saw himself as ‘life and soul’ and thoroughly enjoyed teasing/taking the P out of people.

He and his wife were once staying for Christmas, plus we had my mother, who was hyper-sensitive and could not take any teasing/making fun of her, so I explicitly asked this friend not to do it.

Guess what - he did it anyway, over Christmas dinner, and my mother was very upset. As usual, everything was all about him, and his idea of being ‘funny’.

He was really dh’s friend, not mine, not the nicest in other respects, either, though I’m still very fond of his wife - and I can’t say I was remotely grief-stricken when he died.