Silly Songs

Our version of While Shepherds Watched is very time specific:

While Shepherds Watched their flocks by night,
All watching ITV,
The Angel of the Lord came down,
And Switched to BBC.

While shepherds washed their socks by night
all seated round the tub,
a bar of Lifebouy soap came down
and they began to scrub

Our version was "The angel of the Lord came down
And gave them all a scrub".

JackyB

And talking of songs we sang at guides we had one about the Ancient Britons to the tune of Men of Harlech. I might have the words somewhere.

Part of it went

Climb up Snowdon with your woad on
Never mind if you get rained or snowed in
You'll be happy with your woad on, go it ancient B's.

www.henriettes-herb.com/archives/best/1995/woad-song.html

Sorry just saw my offering already posted

Skinny malinky long legs
Big banana feet
Went to the pictures and couldnae get a seat
When the picture started
Skinny malinky farted
Skinny malinky long legs
Big banana feet

Beecham's pills:

Move you gently, meek and mild
Two for an adult, one for a child.....

- any more?

My dd's father taught her a rudish version of Jack be nimble, at a concert when she was at nursery school the children were asked who would like to recite a poem, you guessed it she recited
Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jump over the candlestick, silly boy should have jumped higher, goodness gracious great balls of fire, the audience loved it, l was mortified lol

This has give me a good laugh, I know many of them but there are variations. My darling Granddad used to watch Songs of Praise & would sing the rude words to the hymns, he served in WWI. Mum would say hush Dad . He came to live with us when I was 9

Some of the others I know were sung by Mike Harding aka the Rochdale Cowboy, look up Mike Harding lyrics for Uncle Joe's Mint Balls

The Coporation Muck Cart was full up to the brim,
The Coporation driver fell in and could not swim.
He sank right to the bottom just like a little stone,
but you could hear him whistling: There's no place like home.

This one never had a tune:

Mrs White got a fright
in the middle of the night
Saw a ghost
Eating toast
Half-way up a lamp-post.

Our version of While Shepherds watched was:

While shepherds washed their socks by night
all seated round the tub,
a bar of Lifebouy soap came down
and they began to scrub

There was also a rude version of Hark the Herald Angels sing which began
Hark, the Glasgow Herald sings
Beecham's pills are just the thing

Anyone remember the rest of it? It was too rude for us to be allowed to sing it, although we could sing the others plus

Ye can't put your muck in our dust-bin, our dust-bin, our dust-bin
Ye can't put your muck in our dust-bin, our dust-bin's full.
There's rats in't, there's cats in't, there's me faither's ould spats in't
So ye can't put your muck in our dust-bin, our dust-bins full.

Then of course there are various versions of John Brown's body, for instance

John Brown's baby had a spot upon his bott,
John Brown's baby had a spot upon his bott,
John Brown's baby had a spot upon his bott,
So they rubbed his bott with camphorated oil.
Camphor, camphorated, camphorated oil
Camphor, camphorated, camphorated oil
Camphor, camphorated, camphorated oil
So they rubbed his bott with comphorated oil.

Another one...
Hot snot, pleghm and bogey pie,
All mixed together with a scabby dog's eye.
Get a bit of bread,
Spread it on thick.
Then wash it down with a cup o'cold sick!!

Blame my grandmother, born 1902.

AskAlice

Oh the black cat widdled in the white cat's eye
The white cat said "I'll tell your mother"
Then the white cat said "Don't give a d**mn"
And widdled into the other!

Sung to my mum by my Nanny when she was little!! We learnt it too, and sang it to my two DGs, with strict instructions that it was not to be sung anywhere but at home...

My Nan uses to sing
"Oh the black cat peed in the white cat's eye,
And the white cat said, Cor Blimey.
And the black cat said, that's what you get,
If you walk close behind me"

I had an aunty Nellie
She had a wooden belly
And every time you touched it
It turned into jelly

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle
All over the kitchen floor
The little dog laughed
To see such fun
So the cat did a little bit more

Auntie Mary had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she farted it departed
With a round of applause

nanna8 I knew that one too.

JackyB here you are:

What’s the use of wearing braces
Vests and pants and boots with laces
Hats and spats you get from places
Down the old Kent Road.

What’s the use of shirts of cotton
Studs that always get forgotten
These affairs are simply rotten
Better far is woad.

Woad’s the stuff to show men
Woad to scare your foemen
Boil it to a brilliant hue
Then rub it on your back and your abdomen
Ancient Briton never hit on
Anything quite like woad to fit on
Neck and knees and where you sit on
Tailors you be blowed.

Romans came across the Channel
All wrapped up in tin and flannel
Half a pint of woad per man’ll
Dress us more than these.

Saxons you can waste your stitches
Building beds for bugs in britches
We have woad to clothe us which is
Not a nest for fleas.

Romans keep your armours
Saxons your pyjamas
Hairy coats were meant for goats
Gorillas, yaks, retriever dogs and llamas
Tramp up Snowdon with your woad on
Never mind if you get rained or snowed on
Never need a button sewed on
Go it, Ancient Bs

Mary had a little lamb, her father killed it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, between two bits of bread.

Come away, come away with William Tell.
Stick a cork up his bum and run like hell!
My father's a lavatory cleaner.
He works from morning to night.
And when he comes home in the evening.
He's covered all over in.....
Shine up your buttons with brasso.
It's only 2 shillings a tin.
My father gets it from Woolworths.
When we haven't got any in.

Daisy, Daisy, the coppers are after you.
And when they catch you they'll give what to do.
They'll tie you up with wire
And set your knickers on fire.
So ring your bell and pedal like hell.
On your bicycle made for 2,!

Mary had a little skirt
Twas sit all up the side.
And everywhere that Mary went.
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt.
Twas split all up the front.
She didn't wear that one very often!
..

MissAdventure

Billy was a sheepdog, sitting on the grass, along came a bumble bee and stung him up the........ ask no questions, tell no lies... (Can't remember any more)

I saw a Policeman doing up his
Flies are a nuisance, bugs are even worse.
And this is the end of my silly little verse!

I found it on Wiki. Just scroll down to 'Parodies' and there are more words ha ha!
Oh dear what can the matter be

Great Chestnut never heard that bit. Just as well Granny didn’t know. She used to sing the first bit to annoy my mum her dil.

I can add another line:
Three old ladies shut in a lavatory.
They stayed there from Monday till Saturday.
Nobody knew they were there.

The first old lady was Elizabeth Pumfrey
She sat down and couldn't get her bum free...

Sorry, my brain didn't retain any more.

Oh dear what can the matter be?
Three old ladies shut in a lavatory.
They stayed there from Monday till Saturday.
Nobody knew they were there.

Also can’t remember it properly, something like:

“Oh what fun, the little dog tickled the donkey’s bum”.

Dad used to sometimes start singing this and was roundly told off by my mum.