Silly Songs

As I was a-walking down Hanover Street
I met an old man with no shoes on his feet
I with compassion and money to spare
Went down to Rankins and bought him a pear.

Roll me over in the clover
Lay me down
And do it again ………….is that it?

I had an uncle, whose name was Lord Jim
Who said that his wife threw tomatoes at him
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't hurt the skin
But these here tomatoes were inside a tin.

Jesus Christ, superstar
Walks like a woman and wears a bra.

Roll me over in the clover - a war time song and very risqué for the time, but I can't remember all the words. Google it!

My father's a lavatory cleaner
He works from morning till night
But when he comes home in the evening
He's covered all over in......
Shine your buttons with Brasso
Shine your buttons so bright.

Now some say he died of a fever
And some say he died of a fright
But I know better than you do
He died of the smell of the...
Shine your buttons with Brasso
Shine your buttons so bright.

I remember being taught this by an aunt when I was about 5 and my mother was absolutely livid!

Alie20xon More Cosher Bailey -

Cosher Bailie's Aunty Julia, She was taken most peculiar,
Something append to her liver and she overflowed the river.

Cosher Bailie's Cousin Anna - she did play the Grand Piano
She went Ammer Ammer, Ammer till the neighbours said
Oh Damn her.

Cosher Bailie he did die, in his coffin he did lie, all at once
they heard some knocking - Cosher Bailie? Only joking.

You should see the bees at Gower, as they flit from flower to flower
You should see them at Llangothlin as they gather in the Pothllin

Oh Jemima, look at your Uncle Jim
He's in the duckpond learning how to swim
First he does the backstroke, then he does the side
And now he's underwater, swimming against the tide.

Good grief. Rule Brittania gets into everything!

Sorry. It wouldn't post then sent a mixture.

I love a sausage
A Cooperative sausage
But ye cannae get near it fo
Rule Brittaniar the smell
If you fry it wi' an ingin
You can hear the ingin singin
Mary, my Scots blue belle

and

Rule Brittania
Marmalade and jam
Five Chinese crackers in your arsehole
Ban bang bang bang bang

Next verse has six crackers and six bangs, next one seven and so on until you can't fit any more bangs into the line.

I love a sausage
A Cooperative sausage
But ye cannae get near it fo
Rule Brittaniar the smell
If you fry it wi' an ingin
You can hear the ingin singin
Mary, my Scots blue belle

MissAdventure

Spring is sprung, the grass is ris.
I wonder where the birdies is?

The bird is on the wing
But that's absurd
I thought the wing was on the bird.

And talking of songs we sang at guides we had one about the Ancient Britons to the tune of Men of Harlech. I might have the words somewhere.

Part of it went

Climb up Snowdon with your woad on
Never mind if you get rained or snowed in
You'll be happy with your woad on, go it ancient B's.

My granny went down to the cellar
To see where the gas leak might be
She struck up a match to see better
Oh bring back my granny to me

My Bonny lies over the ocean.
My Bonny lies over the sea
My father lies over my mother
And that’s how they both got me

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today;
How I wish he'd go away.

Old ( name ) is a funny 'un,
Got a nose like a pickled onion,
Got a nose like a squashed tomato,
And hair like barbed wire.

To the tune of 'My Bonny lies over the ocean' :
My body lies over the flowerbed,
My head is stuck up in a tree,
My legs lie under a rose bush,
Oh bring back my anatomy.

A version of Yammy's, taught to my sisters and I by my grandpa, to my mother's disapproval :

Anna Mariah
Peed on the fire
The fire was too hot so she peed on the pot
The pot was too round so she peed on the ground
The ground was too flat so she peed on the cat
The cat ran away with the pee on its back.

My grandad also used to sit at the dinner table with his false teeth sticking partway out of his mouth, and when he played board games with us kids, cheated disgracefully. I like having an ancestor with a bit of character!

Valels

Aunty Mary had a canary
up the leg of her drawers
When she farted, down it darted
With a round of applause

That little ditty is is now stuck in my head, it'll be days before I can get rid of it

Ours was . . .
My Auntie Mary, had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
She pulled a string, to make it sing
And down came Santa Claus

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wool?
' course I have, I'm a sheep, you fool

Skinny Malinke long legs
Big banana feet
Went tae the pictures
An couldnae find a seat
When the picture started
Skinny Malinke farted.

Mr Tilly had a ten foot wi**y, and he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a Snake so she hit it with a rake, and now it’s only 4 foot 4.

Sorry ??

She stood upon the burning deck, her lips were all a-quiver.

She gave a cough, her leg fell off... and floated down the river.

Twas an evening in November,
As I very well remember,
I was strolling down the street in drunken pride,
But my knees were all a-flutter,
So I landed in the gutter,
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.

Yes, I lay there in the gutter,
Thinking thoughts I could not utter,
When a colleen passing by did softly say:
"Ye can tell a man that boozes
By the company he chooses.'
At that the pig got up and walked away!

Eat a Biscuit, Eat a Cake, Eat your Knickers by Mistake.

Tarzan in the jungle, got a belly ache.
Wanna go to toilet PFFFRRAAART! too late!

Listen,listen the cats pissin. Hasten,hasten bring a basin
No,no bring a po.
My brother, when he was a little boy, was at a party where the children were all invited to say a recitation. My poor mother was horrified when this was what he came out with. She often mentioned it.