Silly Songs

At primary school we used to sing this to the tune of Out of Town by Max Bygraves:

Say what you will, school dinners make you ill
And Davey Crockett died of shepherds pie
And school din dins come from pig bins
Out of town

Out there the sun is a big lump of custard
polishing the blue, blue sky
With light fluffy potatoes in a cluster
Hanging on the breeze to dry

I think there was more.....

Your grandma and my grandma
Sitting by the fire
Your grandma told my grandma
Sh’d set her pants on fire.

One more day of school
One more day of sorrow
One more day in this old dump
And we'll be home tomorrow.
No more English, no more French
No more sitting on the old school bench.
If the teacher interferes
Blow her up or box her ears,
If that does not do the trick
Dynamite will make her sick.

This was sung on the last day of term by my son and his classmates in primary school. He must have been about 6 or 7.

This is another rude one
Yum yum chewing gum
Stick it up your mother’s bum
When it’s brown
Pull it down
Yum yum chewing gum.
Pretty sick when you think about it but we all knew it, London postwar 1950s

We thought this was daring as policemen terrified us -
1,2,3 Johnny caught a flea
He put it in the teapot and made a cup of tea
The flea jumped out and John began to shout
'Here comes a copper with his shirt hanging out'

I know loads of these wee songs. I don't know where I learnt them - seems I've known them forever.

AH'm no the Factor or the Gas Man
Napoleon or Ronald Colman
When you hear me rattle tattle at the Door
Have ye money in the Bank or money in the Store?
Ye'd better watch oot or else ah'll get ye
Jist try tae dodge me if ye can for
AH'm neither Santy Clause nor Douglas Fairbanks
AH am the Means Test Man.

Wan twa three a-leery
AH saw Wallace Beery
Sittin oan his bumbaleerie
Kissin Shirley Temple

Brother Bill was a Fireman Bold
He pit oot fires
Twas only twenty four years old
He pit oot fires
He went to fight a fire one night
Somebody shouted Dynamite
Wherever he's noo, he'll be aw right
HE PITS OOT FIRES

MissAdventure

Billy was a sheepdog, sitting on the grass, along came a bumble bee and stung him up the........ ask no questions, tell no lies... (Can't remember any more)

Ever seen a policeman doing up his flies, flies are nuisance bugs are worse this is the end of my little verse ?

I’ve obviously led an EXTREMELY sheltered life, because I don’t know any of these. W

Oh, Mother dear, pray, what is that? It looks like strawberry jam.
Oh no, my dear, it is your Pa - run over by a tram.

!!!

5...4...3...2...1
Grandad got a gun.
Shot my granny up the fanny, 5,4,3,2,1...

My GC stand on my poor old knees and sing the Popeye Sailor Man song MrsKen33; when they get to the bit where he "opened the door and FELL ON THE FLOOR" they fall through my knees in a heap on the ground! I'm hoping the 9 year old doesn't want to do it for much longer!

When we were kids we would ask someone -
Adam and Eve and Pinch Me
Went down to the river to fish
Adam and Eve fell in. Who do you think was left?
If they were daft enough to say 'Pinch Me', you did.

Little rude, it's about anatomy

Milk, milk,
Lemonade,
Around the corner raspberry ade,
Up the ladder through the hole,
There you'll find a chocolate roll

Fatty and skinny were in the bath.
Fatty blew off, and made skinny laugh.

Sausage in a pan
Sausage in a pan
whizz bang whizz bang
sausage in a pan.
Jelly on a plate
jelly on a plate
wibble wobble wibble wobble
jelly on a plate.

...At least it's clean. You naughty girls!

Fatty and skinny went up in a balloon.
Fatty let a fart off and blew skinny doon.
And a much ruder one about Popeye who lived with his Granny in a caravan.

One of my favourites was Tom Lehrer

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
(there's one sitting on the chimney who just started cooing in protest ?)

My DC used to sing

Happy birthday to you
Squashed tomatoes and stew
Bread and butter in the gutter
Happy birthday to you

Forgot to say, I taught my DDs to sing it "Then the black cat said don't give a FIG"...

Oh the black cat widdled in the white cat's eye
The white cat said "I'll tell your mother"
Then the white cat said "Don't give a d**mn"
And widdled into the other!

Sung to my mum by my Nanny when she was little!! We learnt it too, and sang it to my two DGs, with strict instructions that it was not to be sung anywhere but at home...

Quick, quick the cat’s been sick
Where, where?
Under the chair
Hasten, hasten, fetch the basin
No, no fetch the po
Kate, Kate it’s much too late
The carpet’s in a dreadful state.

My nan used to sing "yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum. I fell over and I hurt my bum".
We thought she was terrible, and rude, and daring!

Old Jimmy Dyer pi....d in the fire,
The fire was too hot so he pi...d in the pot.
A relation recited this on their first day at infant school and was reported to their mum. My gran was really to blame as she childminder them.

To-day's the day they are giving out babies with half a pound of tea,
If you know any ladies, who want any babies, Then send them along to me.
I remember a boy cousin chanting that and being very told off by my Mum. I was about 5 at the time and didn't really know what all the fuss was about but I've never forgotten the verse and I was probably about 15 when I realised what the verse was actually saying. I led a very sheltered life!