Silly Songs

Thanks Elegran that feels right. I probably got my version via Scottish relatives - would explain "stoup".
I sing it to 'Yankee Doodle'.

The odd thing about this verse is that - the only thing I found online - is that it may have come down from very old mummers' songs!

AllieOxon
My aunt she died a month ago,
And left me all her riches,
A feather-bed and a wooden leg,
And a pair of calico breeches;
A coffee pot without a spout,
A mug without a handle,
A baccy box without a lid,
And half a farthing candle.

Found it via Google - at historum.com/t/nonsense-poetry-and-plain-silly-poetry.19413/page-2 along with lots more!

How childish!
I love it!

Arty farty at the party
All the farts were there
Tutti Frutti did a beauty
And they all came up for air..

Thanks Anno = it's next week!

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too.

And - sung in the bus after hockey matches:

I've got a cookie
A cooperative cookie
And ye cannae get near it for the smell
If ye spread it wi'butter
You'll hear the butter mutter
Mary, ma scots bluebell.

(a cookie was a Scottish kind of teacake; and Bluebell was, all those years ago, the Co-op's brand of margarine)

My aunt she died a month ago and left me all her riches
A feather bed and a wooden leg and a pair of calico britches
A coffee pot without a lid, a stoup without a handle
- - - - - - - - ? and half a farthing candle!

Can anyone produce the missing half line?

As I was walking past St.Pauls a woman grabbed me by the elbow
She said "you look a man of pluck, come inside and have a ham sandwich:
3d 6d 9d them all - it all depends on the size of your ham sandwich....

This is one my nan used to sing….
“My artificial Rosie, my artificial Rose,
She snapped off her carbon nose
Unscrewed her leg as she went to repose
Out came her false teeth and the hair from off her head.
There’s half of my Rose on the table and the other half in bed!”

I’ve tried singing to my grandchildren but just end up in a fit of giggles ?

Aunty Mary had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she was weeping, I was peeping
Up the leg of her drawers.

Idly-Dow!

Beans, beans they go to your heart, the more you eat the more you fart

Changed to:
Beans beans they go to my heart, the more you eat the more you dance round the dining room
When adults made an appearance

Also an old music hall song by Leslie Sarony, Susanna’s a fumicle sow. Dad used to sing it to us as kids & Mum hated it because of the chorus noises “Susanna’s a fumicle sow (snort) ow, (raspberry) ow, (whistle) Ridley-dow.”

Hitler of course, not Hilter. Stupid arthritic fingers think they can still type as fast as they used to!

@Audi10 I learned a different version:
"Hilter, has only got one ball,
Goering, has two but very small,
Himmler, has something sim'lar,
but poor old Goebbels has no balls at all!"

Thank you Hilly

After the ball was over
Nellie took out her glass eye
Put her false teeth in water
Corked up her bottle of dye
Put her false leg in the corner
Hung up her wig on the door
And all that was left went to bye byes
After the ball.

After the ball was over
She took out her glass eye
Threw her false leg in the corner
From her hair shook the dye

Does anyone know the rest ?

Sung to ‘We three kings’:
‘We three kings of Trafalgar Square
Selling ladies underwear
They’re fantastic
No elastic
Why don’t you buy a pair?’
Or:
‘We three kings of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car
One on a bicycle
Eating an icicle
The rest, a chocolate bar!’
We loved singing those as children!

There was a woman of 92, parlez vous,
Did a fart that missed the loo, parlez vous.
Fart went rolling down the street, knocked a copper off his feet.
Inky pinky parlez vous.

Oh ahaaa
I lost my bra
And left my knickers
In my boyfriends car

Oh Legs55 look up Mike Harding lyrics for Uncle Joe's Mint Balls

I can’t think of those without a memory.
Bit rude but funny.

I shared an office with another medical secretary in the hospital where we worked. One day I bought a tin of said mint balls into work. I offered her one. We were quietly sucking and typing and in fun I made a face across the desk at her.

“What’s up?” she asked.
“Not sure” I replied, sticking my fingers in my mouth.

“Ugh! I think it’s a pubic hair”.

We laughed like drains. ?

* ignore the name.
It was just meant to be ‘and’.

My dad was a RN man an Duncan when I was in junior school he taught me this rhyme (no tune):

Are are chick a rar
Chick a rar rooney
Rooney pooney
Ping pong piney
Alla balla whisky
Chinese chum!

I have since taught it to my grandchildren, aged 10 and 5y.
Who love it.
It’s fun the faster you say it!

No idea of it’s origins.

This may have already been posted. I've just noticed this fun thread and haven't trawled through them all yet.

Happy birthday to you,
Squashed tomatoes and stew.
Bread and butter in the gutter,
Happy birthday to you

Skinny malinkey long legs
Umbrella feet
Went to the pictures
And fell through the seat!