Holidays with family

We have done quite a few breaks , never longer than four days.
Usually, my daughters, husbands and their children, my eldest daughters in-laws, and brother in law and his son.
But we always stay separately, meet with them all day, then go back to the hotel for a relaxing dinner.
We’ve had loads of fun, the children love it, but I have to have my own space.

It works well for us and everyone keeps wanting to do it again year on year. We rent a big house in Cornwall that takes dogs too so no one is left out! Family members pretty much do their in thing in the daytime, but DH does most of the meal organising and barbecuing.
We have never gone abroad together, but I guess it might work well.

Did it in 2019 son daughter in law grandkids 2 and 5 plus my bloke. A week in Portugal own pool hired a people carrier my son drove and did most of the barbecue dinners

We had a brilliant week and I would so love to be able to do it again.

You need to know that you all get on together.

We rented a big house in Italy with a pool and outside kitchen etc.
It had 9 bedrooms all ensuite.
There were 6 households. 17 people.
We had lots of space and it was quite easy as everyone shared cooking/shopping.
I did the (big) first shop and got there first to unload it.
It's a villa we have used several times but only once as a group. Quite rural.
My youngest daughter suggests we have another holiday together next year.

I did spend quite some time making sure the villa was as perfect as possible (within our budget) and visited it the year before to see it in the flesh.

silverlining48

It’s my experience that grandparents often paid for multi generational family holidays, or is cost shared by everyone.

We always pay for the venue when it’s a family holiday but we have a family kitty which pays for all the food and outings together. Individual outings are up to the individual to finance.
It does work well for us and even the teenagers are asking when the next one will be.

We pay for the venue too, and have the best bedroom!

For us it varies. We are better off than our son and family, although our daughter, who is single, is doing very well.

We pay for son and family to come to France because DD travels with us on our ticket and we try to achieve parity between them, then expenses are shared on an adhoc basis.

We are going on a cruise for a week this autumn, DD decided she would like to come and is paying for herself.

It is horses for courses.

Have holidays with sister and partner. Holidays with in laws and short breaks with daughters. Always great fun and there is no set pattern, can be self catering or hotels, favourite so far are ones in North Wales usually at Portmeirion. We get on with all the family so it has always worked a treat.

We usually all pay for our own accommodation, although we have paid for younger daughter and family when she was on her own (but that’s not common knowledge)
Then the other grandparents and us, pay for all the meals, outings, treats etc.

Grandmadinosaur

Correct me if I’m wrong but is the OP expecting negative answers on the subject?

We’ve been away with them on several occasions. Our strategy is to discuss what we would all like to do, places to go and ones you don’t. Also time to yourself/yourselves is another must. If you are up to it offer to childmind ( if at that age) on a couple of evenings to give the parents a break and also plan evenings out for yourself. You don’t have to be tied at the hip. What you do need is tolerance!

I am correcting you because you are definitely wrong! No agenda or preconceived ideas here - I am interested to hear what works for people.

We also paid the accommodation but everyone travelled separately and did their own car hire etc.
We shared costs of meals out and took it in turns to do day-to-day shopping.
Those who were more affluent tended to buy more things (and "treats") without any discussion - just because they could, but it all just went into a communal fridge/store cupboard.
When we weren't eating out we all helped cook but one person tended to have planned something.

PollyDolly

I love my AC and GC unconditionally but I wold rather stick pins in my eyes than go on holiday with them.

Thank god I'm not the only one thinking that!

Many years ago when we were young, married, and poor, we went away with my in- laws, including his parents, brother, sister + her husband, auntie, uncle and their children, all staying in an old fashioned boarding house. Everyone stayed together most of the time, though it was not compulsory, and it worked out well. I enjoyed their company.
Fast forward and I have a fantasy of renting a big house, or maybe one big plus two small cottages, for us, my adult children and their families, now teenagers, for a long weekend, with meals together in the evening. But fixing a date would be impossible.

We’ve done it with dd, Sil and very small Gdcs, but in separate s/c accommodation. That was only because we couldn’t find anywhere big enough for all of us, but TBH I think I’d want that again. Much as I love the Gdcs a separate space with P&Q would be an essential for me now. At least, if it was for more than a couple of days.

As far as paying for it all goes, for our big anniversary holidays (30 and 40 years so far) we have paid for the accommodation and everyone's flights, because we wanted them all to be able to come.
They were told in advance that once there it would be self-catering, although we paid for dinner on the evening of our anniversary.

For their own big birthdays (30 for all three) we have paid for the accommodation and their own flights plus a partner's flight.

We have paid for this summer's all-inclusive for our daughter's 40+1, which has obviously cost more, and will offer a similar amount for our sons 40ths in due course.

We're quite generous with holidays and they all really enjoy them, but we don't give them any money towards their houses or day-to-day lifestyles.
To me that's down to them to aspire to and sort out.

i have done this a few times, last time was a few months ago, i did enjoy it but was glad to get back home, they did everything possible to make it easier for me as i have had a problem with my foot, it was brilliant to spend more time with my two grandsons, i live on my own and not used to noise so they arranged to do things that would leave me to have time on my own if i wanted it. they paid for everything and i was very grateful for that as i live on benefits. if you get on with your family then i would say go for it, that time with the kids was brilliant.

nexus63 that sounds lovely and so thoughtful of your family ?

We’ve had holidays with adult dds and a partner or two thrown in. Always very enjoyable, they’re good company. But that was pre Gdcs, and in hotels.
Rented a big house one Christmas, for all of us inc. very little Gdcs, plus some extended family - 12 in all. Worked very well.

9 of us went in May to Ibiza for 10 days. Ages 5y - 90y. I was a bit apprehensive to be honest. Opinionated one or two in the family (no - not me ha!) the thought of adding some alcohol into the mix, old perceived hurts or a crass comment... yet it was bluddy fantastic! We all love one another to bits, that’s the main thing, even if we don’t always agree. I came home happy and relieved at how well it had gone. Would I repeat the experience? Ooh, maybe don’t push our luck.
?

We’ve found it it can work with thought, planning and good will. Lucky. Occasional weekends have been good for everyone. A large house, plenty of room and enough bathrooms. Long enough to relax, short enough not to irritate each other. All with our own transport to support independence if that’s what we want. Early days there were a couple of full week eggshell holidays, the second one definitely the triumph of hope over experience. A different mix now and holidays are much more relaxed. As we lag behind physically it’s understood not everyone will be doing the same thing all the time. A long weekend is booked for next Spring, ages will range from 7 to 80. I’m already looking forward to it and wish we could do it more often.

Interesting responses.

I started the thread because I read one on Mumsnet which had a lot of the "stick pins in eyes" responses, whereas the views on here are more favourable.

I have done this several times successfully; and am about to be in Provence with a group of 14 family ages from 7 to 73 (that's me!). ON this occasion I have treated everyone to a plush self-catering place, as I have acquired a small amount of money following my OH's death and this holiday is a sort of present from Dad/Grandpa.

One of my DDs has invited me on holiday with her family on several previous occasions and it has all gone well. I think it is because her OH is the most easy-going, but I have been away in a group with the other SILs present and I do not envisage any particular problems. It usually works out well all round for all the reasons people have said above.

I am hoping that those who have posted here with good experiences are not the same families as have posted unfavourably on Mumsnet !!!

That's interesting what you say about Mumsnet members having a different view on the subject Luckygirl13.
I was in a fly on the wall situation for several years when we let our big farmhouse in France (slept 14 guests). I would say the middle generation actually benefited most because their parents, ie the grandparents, were on hand to help with childminding and household chores (always the grannies pegging out the washing!)

I hope you have a wonderful timeLuckygirl
I am invited to join DS and his family in France in September. I am looking forward to it.
Last year I joined DD on a Scottish island. It was a nice chance to get to know the DGC.
Another son kindly shared a caravan holiday with me. I try to pay my way if they won't take money for the rent I pay for outings and restaurants.
Years ago we regularly holidayed with DB. We would take turns to rent a house big enough for all of us.
We discovered early on that it worked best if each family took turns at cooking the evening meal and we would do our own thing during the day. This stopped us being critical of eachother's childcare methods!!
Life is so different now I am on my own. There is always the feeling of being outnumbered and even patronised.

I would be wary holidaying with just one of my children and family.
Having so many of us (17) worked because it was easier to mix-and-match who went where.
I wouldn't care to have to all do things together as you may feel obliged to if it was just you and one other family.

BTW, I would never have wanted to holiday with my parents or my in-laws. That would have been a "stick pins in eyes" situation.
My son is not a fan of holidays with his in-laws though he has done them a few times.
I think their choice of holiday is the problem - not what he would choose.

We get on extremely well with our oldest daughters in-laws, which is nice.
The biggest problem for us, is that we are up ready to go early morning, and the rest of them seem to take hours to get organised to do anything.
Totally different expectations of a holiday, but we just keep in touch and meet up when they’re ready, which might be lunchtime!