Misery of being unable to help

I’m just so sorry for you and your dear mum??

Surely they will withdraw treatment at some point?
She just needs to be made comfortable.

Have the mentioned this?

Nanna58 I am so sorry - I wish I had the words to help or to comfort you. I'm sure the wise gransnetters will be along soon with words of comfort and help but I just wanted to send my best wishes to you.

I agree with MissAdventure. Please don’t be afraid of telling the medics that you mum would ask for palliative care only. From all I’ve ever heard, they may often be afraid to suggest it, because some people do get very upset or angry at the mere idea - they want everything possible done to keep someone going, no matter how pitiful the state they’re in.

I am so sorry to know that you and your Mum are going through this, it must be dreadful and I know this may seem heartless but why is she submitting to treatment? She doesn't have to but sadly she may have passed the point of being able to make consent to be allowed to die with dignity. We had my lovely MIL living with us, she had her 100th birthday but had started to show signs of heart failure. Initially this was fine with some medication but she recognised that at some point she would deteriorate and she talked to her GP about it and signed a document which stated that she did not want more invasive treatment (sorry cant remember the proper name). She eventually died at home with us as she wished. I really think we should all be more willing to talk about what we want and make the necessary arrangements.

Oh that is so sad, we had a similar situation with my father.

In the end we asked them to stop all medication and treatments. Within a few hours he slipped into a coma and was dead within 24 hours. He did die peacefully in the end but those few days leading up to stopping treatment were awful,

It does sound as if the time has come for palliative care rather than further interventions, Can you speak to the head honcho in charge of her care.

I'm sorry to read this, Nanna58. It must be really difficult for you to watch.

Some 30 years ago MiL refused an operation to amputate her leg which had developed gangrene. She stayed in her nursing room and with our agreement was given morphine to ease her suffering and ease her passing. I think medical staff are too scared to do this now.

I'm so sorry Nanna58. I don't have anything to say to help, just wanted to say that I am so sorry.

Thank you all , it is only palliative care , but she just keeps going , to her utmost dismay

My aunt lived for about 10 days after her stroke but she was asleep and looked peaceful. Maybe the medication should be increased?
So sorry for you and your poor mum.

The hospital said there was nothing they could do , and I said fine, but I think the home are unwilling to accept responsibility if something should happen if they do t send her off. She has DN A papers , but it hasn’t got quite that bad yet . Today she said she was going to tell ‘ him upstairs ‘ she thought he’d forgotten she was still here, I laughed and cried in equal measure

Nanna58, I feel your pain. My grandad's last years were much like this so when he went on to the Liverpool pathway, in with the sadness, there was a sense of relief. Unfortunately, it isn't like the gentle slipping away that a dog has when euthanised, he literally drowned in from the fluid in his lungs. It was vile.

There isn't much I can offer in the way of a solution but know I am thinking of you.

I'm so sorry Nanna58. This is such a sad difficult time for you and your mum. ?

I was just going to say that you may be able to ask for an increase in her pain relief.
It's awful that her discomfort isn't being taken care of, and there shouldn't be any reason for it.

Hi MissAdventure, Your posts often make me laugh, and I’m sorry for your neighbour troubles. She is on maximum morphine for size/ frame. Her body just can’t seem to ‘ give up ‘ without this dreadful struggle, so sad.

Ah, thank you.
I'm glad if I make you smile.

Anyway, your mum - I'm sure they could increase over and above the 'permitted' dose, perhaps if you got a doctor onside.

Failing that, I hope your poor mum suddenly finds comfort and peace.

Thanks pet

So sorry Nanna58 like MissAdventure I hope your mum finds comfort and peace soon

Or they may be able to prescribe something alongside the morphine, like a relaxant, or anti anxiety med.

Anyway, I'm sure you just wanted to share, not have a list of "solutions".

There is actually no ceiling dose for morphine. If what she's on isn't controlling her pain, either it needs to be increased or another pain medication needs to be considered. I speak as a former hospice nurse.

Thanks agnurse, will ask about this

Excellent.
Remember, it isn't their mother, so unless you point out the obvious, they will let things trundle along as it is.

Thank you ladies,as ever , for your support. Going to put this day to bed