Very unorthodox funeral the other day

I like that there is the choice of expressing and celebrating the deceased, rather than having something religious when the deceased may not have been so inclined.
My Mum had been very involved during her life with the Girl Guides and putting on an annual pantomime, so she was played in to a medley of pantomime tunes, and at the end played out with 'Taps', the song always sung in the evening at Guide camps.
Last Monday (yes, the hottest day of the year) was the funeral of a good friend in our biker community. He was played in by Highway to Hell (very appropriate words for bikers), Knocking on Heaven's Door, and played out to Bat Out of Hell. We formed a motorcycle escorts for him to the crem (how hot were we in leathers etc!), and the wake was bacon butties, chips and beer, and donations to the Children's Hospice, a charity we all support by an annual Santas on a Bike ride. Extremely appropriate arrangements by his family, and reflecting our friend's life perfectly.

It saddens me that so many think that a "religious service" cannot also be personal with lots of family input Any service I ever conduct is exactly that

The maddest one I went to was for my neighbour, Trevor Baylis, who'd invented the wind-up radio. Another neighbour, a carpenter, built the coffin which was a bright yellow replica of the original radio. No undertakers were involved, and he was driven to the crem in the back of his own old Range Rover with the boot propped open as the coffin was a bit long. There were two motorbike outriders and the rest of us followed in a pair of red double decker buses.

@Treetops05 that sounds sad. I wonder could you do what you want anyway not as a memorial event but a come and support me and we'll have a nice tea and talk about how I feel. Call it a belated birthday party maybe. Or if there is house clearing to do and mementos to share, call it a house clearing party and pay for it out of his estate. As someone said up the thread, funerals are for the living as much as for the dead, you'll have done what he wanted with regard to no funeral.
Someone else said she had planned her funeral to give her solace, but told her family to tear up the plan if they wanted and do what gives them solace
It's important to be able to talk about your lost relatives if that will help you. My Mum went during lockdown and we couldn't havae a tea afterwards, which was a big shame, as it had been so good to be able to meet people and have the chance to chat after Dad's

Quaker style gatherings always seem to give those who wish to speak the chance, whilst any who don't are not obliged to. We ran out own services for DH's father and my mum's was a zoom meeting in lockdown. Nevertheless I would have done exactly the same for her but hugs afterwards would have been so nice with all the family. Grandchildren and I read things we had written, her favourite music was played and then a year later we had a gap in lockdown so we're able to all meet up and let her and my brother's ashes mingle together as they floated across the North Sea.

My DH died in May. His wish was for a small personal event more or less by invitation. Hire a rom in Funeral Directors premises (husband had been before and really liked the room). Only 30 guests, Celebrant attended and addressed group going over info provided by family. Meanwhile a slide show of photos linked to events was shown. No music. Later we adjourned to another room for sandwiches etc. and chat. DH was taken to crematorium 8 am next morning in Jaguar hearse as per his request being driven at maximum speed limit of 70 mph again as requested. No-one in attendance.
I would like the same.

I am not religious and have requested that I want a simple funeral. I would rather the money went to my great grandchildren.

Am I bitter about some people? Hell yes!!!!

I'm not having a funeral. They can give my ashes to DH to scatter or, if he passes before me, they can stick me in a pauper's grave, and definitely no wake. If they couldn't be bothered with me when I was alive then I'm certainly not throwing a shindig for them when I die.

I organised my uncle's funeral. I used a BBC 4 programme called 'With great pleasure ' as the template and gathered together a collection of prose and poetry that represented his life and did the eulogy myself. Friends and family made the readings.

I have told my children that all my plans for my funeral are to give me solace while I live. Once I have died, that is the end of it and they should then give me the funeral that provided them with the greatest solace., whether it accords with my plans or not.

Sounds a perfect send off.

Just stick me on the compost heap - earth to earth and all that. I recently had a marketing call for pre-paid funerals, the young man on the phone sounded quite “ill” when I told him I was leaving my corpse to a body farm and what that was all about. Not true (as yet) but I’ve not had any more calls.
All funerals except a couple I have been to were horrendous, my father’s and mother’s, and a couple of friends, one of whom loved The Proclaimers - not one note of “500 miles”.
At another the vicar sang a whole hymn on his own without music, we were all sat there with our mouths open! But there was one where a couple of young ladies turned up each carrying a red rose, they were wearing very skimpy clothing and covered in tattoos - turned out they were at the wrong funeral! His wife said he would have loved that.

Funerals are a waste of money and the time allowed is inadequate. I intend leaving some money (hopefully) for a chips and champagne gathering, but no one can say anything about me (good or bad) that they haven’t said to me when I was alive.

As the American poet and undertaker said “funerals are for the living - the dead don’t care”.

My husband was cremated and a celebrant talked about his life prior to the cremation, his family, our ups and downs. We cried and we laughed and friends nodded when he commented on various aspects if his character. It was sad yet informative to friends who later remarked how they’d been made aware of things they never knew about him. We went to a local Inn where we chatted and swapped memories of him and his antics and I provided a memory book for people to write their recollections of things they remembered about him. I often read the things they wrote and it lifts me when I’m feeling down.

Church of Scotland has neither Chapels nor Padres, these are Roman Catholic terms, as a convert from one of these religions to the other I'm well used to some confusion though

For me no wake no funeral. My ashes to be collected from crematorium and sprinkled on my favourite place. No service no fuss. I've never liked a fuss and don't want my daughter's and grandchildren to have to deal with it. Both my daughter's know my wishes in that respect.

Secular funerals are absolutely fine.

My FinL wants a direct cremation, and has also, in his will banned any form of memorial or meeting to celebrate his life. We love him, he is a smashing Dad, but as he doesn't believe in God, we are to have no chance to sit together and talk about him or laugh, or cry. We suggested a posh afternoon tea for those who wished to attend; at his favourite hotel - but were told that was too much like a memorial. It will be a very sad day when we can do nothing to express our love for him...He is almost 92.

It’s important you get the funeral you wish for so I am pleased it worked well with you

Sounds absolutely perfect

Sound absolutely perfect

It is my FIL's funeral tomorrow, a full requiem mass as he was a devout catholic then cremation attended by the priest and my DH as the eldest son as FIL requested.
The rest of us will go back to his house where we will have food and wine. We're expecting quite a lot of people as he was a local GP for years and very well known. We're putting out lots of photos of his life together with mementos which will hopefully get people talking.

Arranging a funeral is so exhausting though, it's like organising a wedding but in a fortnight and with no invitations/RSVPs. Hopefully we won't run out of food.

We recently held a humanist funeral for my father. Every aspect of it was personal and meaningful - the music my dad liked, the readings and the eulogies. It was just what my dad would have wanted as he thought religion was all hot air. Many people commented on how good the celebrant was. We found her through Humanists UK.

These all sound very well-planned funerals and those present have obviously found then good experiences.

The really important thing is to make quite sure that our families, friends or whoever will be responsible for our funeral knows what we want or didn't want.

I say this because I some years ago attended the funeral of a dear friend who had left only very general instructions along the lines of no prayers or hymns, cremation not burial, so there we sat approximately 70 people for ten excruciating minutes waiting for someone to start proceedings.

Finally, I crossed to the deceased's brother and asked if he wanted to say something or whether he would like me to start. If I hadn't done so, I am much afraid we would just have sat there in gloomy silence until the staff came to take the coffin away.

At Easter my cousin died, and her nephews who knew they were supposed to arrange things could find no instructions as to what she had wanted, nor had she ever talked to them about it, or stated her wishes in her will. They opted for direct cremation and a Celebration of her Life three months later.

This seemed strange to me, as my cousin had been a church-goer most of her life, and as far as I knew still was at her death.

So please, everyone, take reponsebility for this last event of your life and make it clear to someone what you want.

I am very keen on Quaker Funerals as they are so much more personal.
But I conducted the funerals of both my parents sourcing somaterial from the American Indian and the Maori cultures as they both have a deeper understanding of the business of death.
Fortunately neither of my siblings protested.

I don't have many friends or relatives.I'm disabled but I am religious and would like a church funeral with a hymm and a prayer or two.