Very unorthodox funeral the other day

I like the sound of that Witzend.

That sounds really personal and a good opportunity to talk easily about happy memories. Very kind of the crem staff too.

Sounds good to me.

We had a non religious funeral for my mum at the crematorium. Just 7 of us. Played Enya, read things, recalled events, had a cry, said goodbye, it was so gentle and final, I've asked my kids to do the same for me

That sounds like how Quakers do it.
It also sounds lovely.
It was my Nan’s funeral last year, and I absolutely hate to say it, but it was awful.
I wish that we had done something like that instead

More and more people are opting for secular or DIY funerals. I have generally found them more personal and meaningful.
If the deceased person was not religious it seems odd to me to engage a priest to talk about the after life, with a couple of hymns. I went to a funeral where the vicar even got the dead person’s name wrong!
It’s possible to engage a non religious or humanist celebrant to take the funeral if the family want.

I remember our friend's funeral years ago; although it was in a a small Church of Scotland chapel and there was a padre there, his family and friends just got up and read tributes and old memories of him. No prayers or hymns.
No nibbles either but we did have those later.

That funeral sounds very interesting, Witzend. A lovely way to remember people.

I like the sound of that. 'Traditional' funerals are slowly becoming less common these days - and that's a good thing. People should be able to have the kind of funeral they want and which suits their lifestyle and personality.

told memories, not old memories

I conducted my husband’s funeral service myself, just a small family cremation then I accompanied the coffin and watched it start to burn.
Now I have decided that for myself it will be a direct cremation with nobody present. They can do what they wish with the ashes. My children both live abroad and this means they don’t have to return at a time that is inconvenient to them. Death shouldn’t cause additional stress on family.

Non religious services are becoming much more common and many people find them more comforting that a more formal and impersonal service.

We had a humanist funeral for mum last month and it was lovely. Although held in a traditional chapel at the crematorium, we had no hymns or prayers. My siblings and I had spent three hours chatting to the celebrant about mum and discussing the order of service, music etc. Then the celebrant and everyone planning to speak exchanged their speeches to avoid boring everyone with the same recollections!

All her four children spoke about every different aspects of mums life then my daughter read out a collection of short memories from all her grandchildren. Her coffin was carried in by my brother, brother in law, my son and my daughter and had two Manchester City scarves on top. The music played at the beginning was an orchestral version of Blue Moon, the City anthem which was also played at my dads funeral. My mum had been a very keen cyclist and travelled around the world with her bike so our choice of music in the middle was very apt and raised a laugh - Katie Melua Nine Billion Bicycles in Beijing !

I would like a green burial, but I am not going to dictate how it is done. My family can decide. I would like to think there will be a short prayer. As a singer I would love a choir to sing, but I can’t see that happening.
We have always wanted a quiet family burial for DH, followed by a service of thanksgiving, maybe at a later date. DH was well known in a number of spheres, but time passes and people move on, so we shall have to decide when the time comes.

There’s no need for a celebrant, my OH conducted his mum’s funeral , we had a couple of musicians and a singer and a couple of the grandchildren reading poems.

We had DH’s funeral in lockdown - strict rules from the undertaker, so the same 4 female family members had to be taken straight home in the same car to the original address after the Humanist service and cremation. DH’s sporting cronies who attended were last seen enjoying a picnic and a tot of Bushmill Millennium whiskey in a corner of the car park. The previous 3 funerals I’ve attended have all been Humanist - one was for a suicide and the poor woman taking the service broke down and someone else had to take over.
I’ve found religious funerals are few and far between now.

My hubby's funeral in 2016 was not a religious one. He had his big band music played plus the tune "String of Pearls" because he bought me a lovely pearl necklace to wear with my wedding dress when we got married in 1949.
We neither of us want fresh flowers and we said we would like cardboard coffins, which he had. He wanted no one in black or dark clothing and he asked me well before he started with Dementia to have the two poems that I wrote read out at his funeral. It was also arranged that if anyone wanted to put a donation in to the Childrens Hospice kitty instead of buying wreaths and flowers it would be much appreciated because the Natural Burial Ground where we were being buried preferred the wild flowers that grow there. We finished up singing "We'll Meet Again". It was a very uplifting send off and all who attended said that it was something they would like themselves.

Around £500 was donated to the Hospice and these are the two poems below that folks had a smile at instead of floods of tears. Mine came later when I was on my own.
It says 57 years of marriage in the bottom poem when I wrote it but it was 67 years by the time I lost him.

www.thenaturalburialcompany.co.uk/site-locations/prestwold/

The Marital Bed

For Gawds sake move over and let me get in
Its not very warm and my nightie’s quite thin
Panting and pushing to get him over the line
I only want half the bed the part I call mine.

I’m just dozing off to sleep when my calves go in a clamp
I jump out very quickly because I have the ruddy cramp
I can hear my other half snoring well in the ‘land of nod’
While I’m limping up and down thinking ‘you are a lucky sod’.

The cramp is slowly subsiding so I try my luck once again
More pushing shoving and heaving he really is a pain.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift like a rowing boat
When suddenly I’m choking with an elbow in my throat.

After being rudely awakened I settle down once more
Oh strewth! its started up again that never ending snore.
I bury my head in the pillow with the cover over my head
I’ve had this nightly torture since the first day that we wed.

I give him a dig to make him stop and turn the other way
Oh blow me down! here we go! he’s taken the whole duvet.
I pull it back with very much force, I have to be quite tough
So he turns over with it and puts his knees right up my duff.

I settle down once more to sleep the rest of the night through
When suddenly the bedclothes go back he has to visit the loo.
I turn to look at the clock, the hands say half past three
“Oh Lady Luck let me get some rest, please be good to me”.

My other half gets back into bed shaking me back to life
I think I deserve a medal for being an understanding wife.
I hear the clock chime four o’clock I guess Lady Luck never heard.
I may as well get out of bed and do yesterdays crossword

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2001 - All rights reserved

............................................................................
AWANDERING WE GO

A typical conversation between myself and my spouse
Is one that I imagine goes on in another persons house
“Have you seen my glasses?” my husband said to me
“I have got to put a screw in, without them I cannot see.”

So we wander round from room to room without much hope until
I spot them in the bathroom perched on the windowsill
“What did I do with my screwdriver, I put it down somewhere”
We start another wander round and spot it on a chair.

Before I was interrupted there was something I was going to do
Oh yes! Now I remember I was about to clean the loo.
“You cannot go in there just yet I want to fix the blind”
This was my husband talking, practically up my behind.

So I decided to peel the potatoes ready for our dinner
I really thought that this time I was on a winner.
“Can you come and hold this for me, while I push this in the slot?”
My mind boggled at this prospect when in the bathroom I did trot

It was his hammer I had to hold Thank God! As he finished his chore
But I spotted a spider in the bath and made headway for the door.
My other half started to tidy up and was putting away his kit
Saying at the same time “It is a good job I am still well and fit.”

I had just managed to finish the loo when I heard my husband complain
“Have you seen my glasses?” he yelled, Oh Gawd! Here we go again.
Our natures are very different I am the one with the shortest fuse
But after fifty seven years of marriage we fit like a pair of old shoes.

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2000 - All rights reserved

We went to a Quaker funeral years ago, very similar.

Maywalk your husbands service sounds lovely and how wonderful to donate to the children's hospice in his honor!
Thanks for sharing your clever poems, I could relate and they made me smile.

sukie

Maywalk your husbands service sounds lovely and how wonderful to donate to the children's hospice in his honor!
Thanks for sharing your clever poems, I could relate and they made me smile.

Many thanks Sukie.
It was a happy wake because that is what he wanted.

SO many guests came to me saying that they had never expected anything like that but they too would like something like it.

As hubby and I were not religious it suited us.

As a ‘countryman’ we had DH’s coffin painted in Barbour green with woodland ferns and greenery on top instead of conventional flowers and had Luther Vandross singing Dance with my Father.
We raised almost £5K in donations, via Just Giving for a local illness related charity and all I’ve heard from them was a Christmas card written in a childish hand thanking me for £300 - which was a cheque I’d forwarded them. A bit disappointed but I hope they’ve made good use of the donation.

Wonderful idea ?

Sounds the best way. I had a humanist service for my parents with a handful of friends at the funeral parlour (my dad was nearly 100) so only a few friends. Thesame woman read about their life stories and I chose a classical pieces. Never went to the crematorium.
I am doing a Pure Cremation for myself, I only have a couple of friends anyway, and my daughter can put my ashes in the rubbish bin for all I care. Once your'e gone, that's it.

Neither my late husband nor my father had any belief in God. For the former we had a DIY funeral with readings, reminiscences and music followed by a wake in a local restaurant and later that year a big get together with friends and family. For my dad we went a bit more formal with a civil celebrant and then a wake at his club. Both occasions seemed as appropriate as we could wish.

Well, we held my sister's funeral yesterday, in a church. In the few notes she had left, she said how important her faith was to her and chose some of the music, two hymns and a collect. I met the priest when I went down to where she lived - 143 miles from me - to do the necessary things last month. We then corresponded. He had been to bless her in her nursing home last year when we thought the end was near. My husband and two of her nieces gave readings, I wrote and gave the eulogy, an old schoolfriend read a collect. It was very personal. The casket was made from water hyacinths(!) and we repaired afterwards to the church hall for prosecco and tea. There is still a place for such a service if appropriate to the dead person.

Love the poem. Love the sensible funeral idea.
My husband and I both have living wills stating no ceremony so we will be cremated at a quiet time and you get the ashes eventually. A good friend did this when her husband died and when she got the ashes had a firework and cake party !!! as it was two things he loved.