Very unorthodox funeral the other day

I’ve paid for my cremation in advance. My most in touch child will be told and my ashes will be going on the Rose Garden. It’s her job to tell her brothers and sister that I’ve died. I just hope that I’ve managed to tidy up paperwork etc before I’m off and away.

It may be legal, and practical if you have a country estate, to be buried in the garden. However in a regular house garden you may have difficulty selling with a grave in the garden.
Many I guess would be put off buying it. You could get away with ashes tho!

Round me? I meant a lot of the work involved would be left to my local AC,

Always nicer to see ones children whilst still alive, instead of them coming long distance to a funeral.
Am
Having second thoughts about my funeral and would be happy for it to be very simple so have let them know and when the time comes it’s up to them. One of my two is abroad so a lot round me left to the other.

Annaba - it is apparently perfectly legal to be buried in your garden or land that you own as long as it complies with safety issues. I remember. a Ben Fogel tv program recently where the lady who lived in a remote part of Ireland had her husband buried in the garden. What a good idea!

I’m being cremated without a ceremony and ashes returned to my DS to be scattered at location of my choosing (he knows where). I am prepaying for it so it will cost nowt to the boy and zero fuss. Just what I want.

3 of my DC live on the other side of the world, and 2 have young children. I have told them that it's totally impractical for them to fly over here when I die, and have suggested the two local DC have a direct cremation, and a family get-together at some future date.
I think that they feel guilty about the idea of 'not being there for me', and insist that they will fly over, when the time comes. In my opinion this will be such a waste of money, and time, but I will have to leave it up to them.

My funeral wishes are to leave my body for medical research or direct cremation, no fuss, no bother and prepaid.
My father explicitly said he didn’t want anything remotely religious. My 2 sisters completely overrode his wishes and quite honestly it was really distressing. We had no idea re music- he never, ever showed any interest in any form of music (other than to say he hated opera and the Messiah!), definitely didn’t want hymns or prayers. They had the full blown works for his funeral.
I didn’t, thankfully, attend, I sat with my mother in her nursing home and we watched it online.
For her funeral she’d luckily written very clear instructions.
For mine, nothing. I will ask for there to be a family get together and that’s it.

How tragic for you Taichinan. Not surprising you hadn’t discussed funerals.
Fact is many older people have not discussed their funeral wishes either, so it is interesting to see that so many on here have thought about it. Research shows around 42% over 55s haven’t even made a will.
When death, or ones own demise is mentioned, it’s common to be thought morbid.
I have been to a death cafe which was really useful, and a few years ago saw a very good, amusing but thoughtful play on the subject.
We can’t escape it that’s for sure and I’m sure talking more openly can reduce the fear around it, and possibly enjoy the life we have more fully.

A very enlightening thread - and where other than Gransnet would you find a discussion like this! I'm all for the gently unconventional idea, and have been for many years. My DH was killed in an accident nearly 30 years ago and we were still young enough not to have discussed our funerals (his uncle took over from me as I was in total shock and it was a traditional church/crem/hotel event which I know he would have appreciated if he hadn't been so young.) But I want mine to be "of nature" and I shall have to write it all down for the family. I would really love my granddaughter to dance for me one last time as I lie in my willow box, and I shall write out some of my memories for them to read out. I also envisage them sitting around my coffin, a drink in hand and having a bit of a chuckle, and then leaving as the crematorium staff move in to do what has to be done. Just family there as I shall be so old that I will have outlived all my contemporaries! That's the dream and as I'm in my 80s now I'd better get a move on with the fine details!

Well said, biglouis!

Im glad to see that secular and non traditional funerals are becoming more popular and are no longer judged as people doing a "cheapie". Traditional funerals have become far too expensive and the industry is deeply corrupt in the way it pressures relatives at a vulnerable time. Spending money you cant afford in this way is just avulgar show for the world. Far better to simply sit down to an unofficial wake to remember the person.

We had a civil service for my husband when he died 11 years ago. We had a very good civil celebrant who made a very good addrsss out of the info we had given him. We also had poems and really nice music - some of which he had chosen. The very last song he had chosen and made everyone smile “Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye”! I have got to say that most religious funerals I have been to do seem more impersonal than the civil/humanist ones - sometimes I haven’t recognised the person the vicar/priest is talking about!

Ps it was my husband who chose the music - not the celebrant!!

I welcome your ideas for a more personal type of funeral. They so echo my feelings as I have already advised my family that I do not want them to give me a “Morbid” send-off but rather to celebrate a life of many happy moments e.g no black colours and drinks / party for afters with family and close friends. Also, I do not want to go through the expense of a funeral like my father’s a year ago which was extremely well organised by funeral directors and which would certainly have pleased him as a traditional Christian. It cost thousands; money which I would prefer to give to my grandchildren. I honestly do not mind where I am buried- even in our garden next to the dog! ( We have a big garden - and dog).
Can anyone advise how or whether it is possible to style one’s own Departure.
( These considerations are currently all the more important for me as I have recently started Chemotherapy and the outcome is naturally uncertain! )
Thank-you.

Witzend, I'm sorry you have lost a dear friend but it sounds a very fitting service and I am glad the crem staff are open minded about this sort of thing

My fathers funeral is to be in a few weeks time - a big very costly affair and not what I think he would have wanted. Sometimes I think the funeral is for the wishes of those left behind.

Vintagenonna please don’t forget the professional wailers.

GrowingOldDisgracefully I have sent you a PM ?️

Vintagenonna....that sounds wonderful. I can't imagine why your children laughed.

I’m not at all religious, but perversely I still like a trad funeral service, with some favourite, tear-making hymns. Dear Lord and Father of Mankind… etc. At my father’s, we had Eternal Father Strong to Save - his favourite, being ex RN and having survived 2 years of the Battle of the Atlantic.

At my mother’s trad funeral, we played a CD of her youngest granddaughter singing the solo of Panis Angelicus with her school choir. A truly beautiful, sweet soprano - it gives me goosebumps every time I hear it - so I think I’d like that at my funeral, too. ?

I tried to convince my children that a midnight funeral with a horse-drawn hearse, flaming torches, and a thirty-yard procession of mourners making their way along a windswept cornish cliff might be a wonderful way to remember me.

I won't repeat the language they used when they stopped laughing. . .

But putting me out with the recycling seems my best hope.

GrammarGrandma, more than just a place. Your ceremony sounds lovely and appropriate. Ours will be the Latin Rite Mass and, of course, a good Irish wake for me, and a party of all the guys from the old neighborhood for my husband (mostly Mexicans and Germans, all Catholic).

Funeral last week of a former member of an amateur dramatics society. A fellow actor started the service by saying”Well Maeve, its a full house tonight & they are even standing at the back”. At the end he said “For a good performance we always give a standing ovation”. Which we did! What a lovely send off.

When my late husband passed unexpectedly 4 and a half years ago it was a mixed/eclectic service.

Our young minister was amazing about it as it was personal and Welsh themed with some Christian elements.

My husband was carried in to the Welsh national anthem. His casket was covered in his Welsh shirts.

There were two secular songs which were our wedding songs and 1 contemporary Christian song.

They were "9 million bicycles in Beijing" "Fields of Gold" and the Christian song "Your beautiful"

Everything else was eulogies and 1 Bible verse.

The Service finished with Calon Da

Lost my mum a year ago. We wanted a celebration of her life so the coffin was brought into the chapel to Donna Summer's "I feel love" which was mums favourite decades ago. The Reflective was Rod Steward singing "A nightingale sang in Berkley Square" and the curtain closed with George Ezra's "Shotgun" which was her recent favourite. Everyone was smiling and it was a brilliantly sunny day.