No Help Moving

Well done for clearing your house and moving ON YOUR OWN!! It is a massive thing to do and you must feel wore out by it. Good luck in your new home

PS Maybe it was LinFreed's dog who got pancreatitis ?

MOnica, I hope your dog is well again. Some people don't know that the dog is essentially part of the family.

Effalump, I have lived alone with dogs for over twenty years and have become so accustomed to my situation that I enjoy having the choice whether or not to sit staring into space. Staring into space is not actually my fav way to escape from social reality but who is to say it's not effective? Not me!

LinFreed I am sorry your DD is unsympathetic, that must be difficult to deal with.

MOnica My daughter was away for a few days with her family & in-laws, my son had just started a new job that week.

I told my daughter over the phone this week how disappointed I was at her distant attitude and how traumatic the move was for me. I had to phone her, as she never once picked up the phone to see how Inwas getting on.

My dear dog got pancreatitis, just after the move a few days ago, and was very ill for a couple of days. She didn't call then, just a quick text. She is cold and matter of fact. Her dh (and in-laws) have complained to me about her coldness and detachment.

My son thinks she needs to go to a therapist.

Unfortunately, I think this is the way of the world now. Everyone is so busy getting on with their lives, and time moves so quickly. It's been getting that way for a few decades now. I feel ashamed that there are times when I just want to sit and stare into space for a couple of hours, lost in my own thoughts. It seems that you have to be 'on the go' every waking minute of your day or you are labelled 'lazy' or a 'layabout'. We all need to chill now and again.

I think most people are superficial as friends, even though 'they' keep reminding people to look out for elderly neighbours.

You have got through the move bravely and I wish you and angel Spaniel the best good fortune in your new place.

I wonder if you are moving from a place with families to maybe a bungalow district with many single elderly. I think there may be a better chance of real friends if so.

I think too you need to not be shy of asking your son and daughter for help . They both seem to need to be informed in explicit language. It's amazing how ignorant adult people can be!

Did the OP ask her children for help and support with the move? If she was passively waiting for them to volunteer, they wer probably passively waiting for her to ask.

I had been in my last house for 17 years and had a really good relationship with neighbours. I wouldn't have expected or asked them to help get rid of stuff or help me move. The night before I left I went to their house with a couple of bottles to say thank you for being good neighbours. I also sent flowers to them the following day. They didn't come out to say goodbye and I didn't expect them to.

Some people feel embarrassed about saying goodbyes. Should it be goodbye means good by, never contact each other again or good by, keep in contact on Facebook, What about giving us your new address for Christmas cards? Some people feel embarrassed about approaching the leaver and embarressed about what the leaver may say to them.

It may not have been about your being a widow. Our family lived in a small cul de sac, with wonderful neighbours on our left who were fantastic friends, meals out/in, caring for the Dad next door when they went away etc. On the night before our move 3 other neighbours called in to say goodbye...our wonderful neighbours didn't, and hid the next day too. Some people just don't like change perhaps.

So sorry .....its hard when neighbours don't come and say goodbye at least ! When my husband died and we lived in France, I sold the bungalow and moved back to the UK ....did it all on my own ...neighbour had a truck, was younger and fit but didn't offer to even take stuff to the tip for me ...had to lug all the machinery etc on my own out of the shed, into the back of my little car and make 3 trips a day to get rid of it ! Gave away everything as it was cheaper to buy new in the UK rather than move it with me ! in the end, some acquaintances I did't know that well came to help me ...one had a friend with a van .......let them take a pick of all the stuff I was giving away as I was so pleased they came to help, even though I hardly knew them ............sometimes we find friends we never knew we had ! Now still in touch with them ....I hope you settle into your new home and get o love it !

Perhaps there is a feeling of resentment from old neighbours that you are leaving them, moving on to better things? also moving house is such a busy time that you would fear to intrude and be a nuisance? But still just to ring the bell with a note and a bottle/pkt of biscuits or some token would be a kind gesture. Yes I hope this past experience is overtaken by the welcome you will receive in your new home. I do think that covid has made people more self centred??

It’s Defo your image you’re giving off ….. my image is efficiency and capability.Then after caring for my husband for 25 years …alone …. I stroked out and ended up in stroke unit.
I’m recovered …. yet here I am still doing his caring. Warning! Be careful of your image…. You might like it …. but others will take it as a given that you can manage on your own!

Too many cars Bijou plus children are staying in playing with their devices. It’s very different now.

I think neighbours have over the years become less friendly or helpful. Now they all fence themselves in and the women all go to work, drive off in their cars and the children no longer play in the street.

I too think most folks are thoughtless in that they simply are incapable of 'thinking' if you mentioned that you maybe struggled I bet they'd all give it" oh gosh , I didn't think, you should have let us know ...' etc.the big standard reaction of the thoughtless!well done for doing it yourself , hard work shames the devil and your capability shamed the selfish! Good luck and happy times in the new den!

Linfreed, you did it and what a big positive that was. I was in a similar boat, widowed 7 years ago, I moved by myself when I was 71, three years ago, I tackled everything myself, from sorting to packing, to cleaning. Look on it positively as the great big achievement it is and give yourself a big pat on the bag

Enjoy your new home. Forget about your old neighbours.

In the future, please reconsider if you are asking too much of your neighbours.
Unless you are close friends, being cordial is enough.

Did you ask your son and daughter for help moving?

I'm sorry about your DH's death and that you had to clear the house on your own and move.

DH had a huge carved elephant for years. Friends had seen it many times over the years and admired it so when the time came to sell the house and move, we give the first dibs on the elephant and the price was agreed. They came to "collect" it but decided, on arrival, that they didn't want it. They then proceeded to go through our house a we were packing. They didn't offer to help but hovered around. We got the feeling that they were nosey and hoping for freebies or stuff we might take to the charity shop. We got more uncomfortable with their behaviour and presence that DH had to make an excuse to get them to leave!

Sad how people become vultures!

All the best LynFreed, and I hope you settle in to your new place quickly.

Having moved house several times in life I have never had help from neighbours and never would I expect it, and it has always been me knocking on the door to say goodbye. An acknowledgement of your going would have been a good memory to take with you. But as soon as you’re on the move the neighbours also move on. The lack of help and support from your children is, of course a different matter; your daughter at least got in touch but your son needs a rocket, did you ask either for help. Have a happy future in your new home.

I too have managed to procure another (rental) home at last(after almost 2yrs!) And having no other help packing (mostly me) my disabled sons only trying best to do their own rooms.I've a daughter lives near who said she thought I'd want to sort stuff out myself!- so yes maybe if we give the impression we can manage they will let us cope! I have managed to procure help on the day from 2 other sons by arranging it on a day to suit THEM rather than me!-(maybe that would have been better idea for you too?) But I'm looking forward to this new house and any setbacks (already problems with getting carpets cleaned etc! And collecting keys.) are NOT going to dampen my spirits.! I cannot wait.(note to self- on the day ill take flask)??

“ If you don’t ask you don’t get “ …a phrase I learned decades ago! In most cases it is a truism.
My late best friend who died aged 91 was very capable but needed some help as she aged, and such is life that people either don’t know ( and often don’t want to know with the busy lives led nowadays) you need a bit of help.
My friend even though she was in her 80s/ early 90 s always used to say ‘ Play the old lady card’ even though that was exactly what she was… she usually got it!