Differing views of the older and younger generations.

aonk

My DD1 and DD2 both work hard and are married to men with well paid jobs. I think they’re a bit wasteful and extravagant at times but I’m so very happy to see them in lovely homes and having all kinds of luxuries. I want them to have the best they can. On the other hand DD3 lives in a small house on a restricted income with a low paid husband. I hate to see her having so much less than her sisters. She doesn’t seem to be envious but it must be hard for her at times.

Its not down to a man to provide these days..... I am the main earner ( or I was until I took retire and return) ....I could have picked someone who made a lot a money but I chose my partner instead....I have not been unhappy because my I haven't lived a life of luxury....what a strange attitude you have ?

westendgirl

Exactly, Sodapop. I do wish posters would't sound so bitter and judgemental. Some of the posts remind me of the sketches from John Cleese, you know the "when I were young we lived in a cardboard box." variety.
Please try to celebrate the fact thet so many young people can do so much more , travel, go to the theatre, out for meals etc. At least they can at the present.

My exH, a Yorkshireman with short arms and deep pockets, used to regularly mutter “when I were a lad, we’d’ve been proud to live in a paper bag”. He and his family had never been less than comfortably off.

It also helps me to consider other viewpoints ( which I'm not very good at!)

I think it’s a good thing when posters put forward their points of view and they all differ. Makes a thread interesting to me.
I don’t see anything bitter or judgmental in that. It’s what makes a robust debate.

There are very different expectations these days compared to when I was young. We had no luxuries at all and didn't really expect any. All our furniture was secondhand, and we made do with what we could get. Most of our neighbours were the same so we didn't feel particularly upset. We just worked and were thrifty and hoped for the best.
I am now what is considered one of the poorer pensioners in that I have no income other than the state pension. But, amazingly, I feel almost rich compared to when I was young.
I have so much more than I had during my childhood, and my marriage.

Exactly, Sodapop. I do wish posters would't sound so bitter and judgemental. Some of the posts remind me of the sketches from John Cleese, you know the "when I were young we lived in a cardboard box." variety.
Please try to celebrate the fact thet so many young people can do so much more , travel, go to the theatre, out for meals etc. At least they can at the present.

I think it's absolutely up to each person/couple how they spend their money. Providing they are not asking family or the state to subsidise them then enjoy what you earn. We all have different priorities .

I think it's easy to lose sight of the fact that on the whole what we did is exactly what our children do, which is what others of our age were doing at the time.

For my generation, and I know people who were young in a different time and place will have been different, that meant getting married young, buying a house first after saving for a couple of years, establishing a career, and having children - in that order. Most people married in church, even as non-believers, and most spent very little on exotic honeymoons, or on travel, as cheap flights didn't exist, and nor did the expectation of regular and long-haul travel. They made do with what we could get by way of furniture until they could buy their own, and saved for what they wanted.

Fast-forward 30 years, and my children's generation also do what their friends do, on the whole and yes, still a generalisation - not all of this applies to either or both of mine, never mind a whole generation, but a lot of it does. They are well-travelled, they live together before they marry, and consequently have more long-term partners. Many have children before marriage, and are unfazed by this (and are not gossiped about for doing so). More have gone to university, and most have large amounts of debt to repay, so their attitude to debt and saving is very different from ours. They had to learn at a young age to sleep at night knowing they owe tens of thousands, so whereas I hate the thought of having money on a credit card, they just accept it as normal. A house costs more than 10 times an average salary, so saving by not doing small things (like buying coffee on the train ) makes no real dent in the shortfall in their deposit fund, and they prefer to live more in the moment than we did. They spend on holidays and prefer experiences to possessions (and really don't want the things that many of our generation hold dear - walls of books, 'best' china, dad's prized 'music system' are all seen as tat that will go in a skip when we die). They still read and listen to music but do it digitally, so spend on phones, iPads and other gadgets instead of on books and records as we did.

And so on.

I repeat that these are generalisations rather than anecdotes, so I know that some posters have diligent children who have saved £10 a week since birth, gone nowhere, done nothing and cut back on everything in order to buy a house, and that others lived bohemian lives in their own youth, travelled without a care in the world and saw saving for a house as bourgeois, but there are always outliers, and anyway I suggest that in the majority of cases that would be what their friends were doing too .

Life in post war London was very,very different. No carpets, cars, washing machines or fridges for a start. TV not even invented and no one had a phone. You would go to a phone booth as a kid and press the buttons on the off chance a few stray pennies might spew out.

geekesse

Well, our generation raised this generation, so we can hardly complain about the values we instilled in them, or the quality of life that we raised them to expect.

Some young people may feel they are improving on what was available to them as children.

Witzend same here re kitchen.

Theres something about making a picnic thats therapeutic and when everyone is eating it they think about the person who made it for them. When we stayed with my godmother she always made us a picnic because she knew we didnt have money, you always felt the love behind the making of it. I do think however that people have less time now with both partners working so may be thats why they go out for more meals now too.

On Pointless last night a young couple was in line for winning the jackpot of over £12k. When asked how they would spend the money if they won, he said he wanted to travel, she said she had always wanted to go to New Zealand, and as an afterthought, mentioned putting it towards a house.
I would like to be a fly on the wall in that home, as they did win!
I know £12k is a drop in the ocean towards a house, and this is probably a one off opportunity to spend big money on travelling, but …..

My teenage grandchildren seem to have little concept of the cost of living, with everything provided for them. Any money they manage to earn goes towards their personal spending/ saving, but they are not expected to contribute to housekeeping costs, as probably most of us were.

Well, our generation raised this generation, so we can hardly complain about the values we instilled in them, or the quality of life that we raised them to expect.

Regular eating out and takeaways just weren’t a thing for most people a few decades ago. But now they are - there are so many more food outlets, some relatively very cheap.

We rarely do either, though after a few very busy days with Gdcs I just felt like not cooking last night, so since dh was going out anyway I told him to get a couple of ready meals.

He came back with a Waitrose ‘Takeaway’ Chinese for 2. Had it sitting in the garden, and shared a large bottle of lager. Very nice it was too. ?

FarNorth, our kitchen is over 30 years old, and to be frank it is looking a wee bit tired now. We could afford to replace it, but TBH I just CBA with all the faff, not when it’s still functioning perfectly well as a place for producing meals.

Eventually the original oven and combi microwave - one or the other or both - will pack up, though, and then I’ll just have to grit my teeth and get on with it.

We were very frugal, but we certainly did not just exist. We had a ball- in a simple and cheap way, with friends who were the same. The idea that you have to go on expensive meals out, buy expensive wine, have expensive holidays abroad- have nice everything, is the only way to 'not just exist' - represents for me all that is wrong with this constant and expensive consumerism.

Nadateturbe- agreed. There is no 'right' way or wrong- but if the youngsters (and not so young) - who choose to spend, travel, have fun - then resent those who have made different choices, and complain that they haven't got 'x y z' - then it is not fair.

Interesting to read the different views on this thread. One of the things I like about GN.
I don't want my children to just exist. Life should be more than that.

In the home I grew up in my parents constantly argued about money. My mothers constant whinge was "You cant keep a family one one man's wage" and yet my father would not "allow" her to get a PT job until I was about 14. Somehow my mother managed to put a good basic meal on the table which I did not always appreciate at the time but do now!

We lived in Liverpool. A day out was a trip to a local park with a picnic lunch and a bottle of Tizer. Maybe once a year we had a day trip by train to the seaside. When the 1960s came we began going to a caravan park in Wales (Towyn) and always the same one. We thought we were really well off then to be "going away". One year we managed to get a small cottage in the Welsh mountains c/o a friend of my grandmother. It was the first holiday cottage we had ever stayed in and a real treat.

Yes - attitudes were very different. When I was in my late teens only "posh" people had cars, telephones and bank accounts. My father was quite hostile that I was paid by bank transfer becauseI I worked for Liverpool City Council. He did not believe that they would not pay me in cash!

My mother thought it was quite acceptable to open my mail, and hunt through my drawers to see if there was any money she could "borrow". She also checked my wardrobe regularly to see if I had bought any new clothes and interrogated me as to what they had cost. When I picked her up for this she told me I was only a "guest" in their house despite the fact that I was paying more for my "keep" than my friends.

Unbeknown to her I kept all my new clothes in my locker at work. I went out in the same old dresses and changed when I got there. I had an accommodation address to which all my private mail (including bank statements) was sent.

I dont think most young people living at home now would accept that lack of privacy from a parent. My parents never knew how much I earned. It was a kind of game I played. When I was planning to move into my own flat I had all the furniture delivered to my grandmothers house.

I love fish paste sandwiches

When we were children we were lucky if we had a birthday party at home with everything homemade, fishpaste sandwiches, jelly and ice cream. Now children are given expensive gifts plus a day out somewhere probably with a couple of friends . Oh yes we didn't do party bags either for those who actually attended the party. Life is so difficult now for young families. There is so much on offer which just wasn't around when we were children. Parents are made to feel guilty if they dont give everything to their children and dont arrange days out like everyone else, i feel sorry for them.

I've worked as a support worker and believe me, a lot of people are still sharing bags of chips as a treat, not going to the pictures and not going for meals out and they are on emergency electric on their meters. Just because it isn'y happening in your own families, it doesn't mean it isn't happening. You could always look at it objectively and think the sacrifices you made as young people and parents have given your own children a better footing so they have nicer lifestyles and a better education and better paid jobs and they seek enjoyment from life rather than hardship. It's something to be celebrated imo

I agree with TillyTrotter you have to decide what's important to you.
Two of my children have chosen to have mortgages and spend money on their home etc.
The third rents with his partner, loves moving to different areas, enjoyed the experience of living in France, has a campervan, and just basically enjoys life.
Sometimes I wonder which is best....

Our daughter and SIL have car valeters come to the house every weekend, she also has a cleaner but doesn’t go out to work, all clothing that has to be ironed goes to a laundry, finally they have a gardner for many hours!

I see it as some of their wealth going back into the local economy, they have many times more income than we did at their age and I’m pleased.

The world is just so different now.

When we were children, we played around the streets, all day. Now that same approach would get protective services called. If parents need to spend a bit more to entertain their children, so be it. Good on them for having a priority of spending time with their children and making memories.

My parents rarely ate out and talk about how hard they had it. There was always money for smokes though. We don't smoke and spend less eating out than my parents did on smokes. This doesn't make us better off or having wrong priorities. Just different priorities. Give me avocado on toast over a pack of ciggies any day.

FarNorth

Calendargirl you'd probably think my kitchen is appalling. I don't think I'm shallow for not replacing it (although I could) I just don't see a need to spend money on that since it is functioning all right, as it is.

No, I didn’t mean it like that. They live in a largeish 4 bedroom Victorian house, but the kitchen is quite small for the size of the rest of the house. They have an adjoining outside area with an old wash house, where the washing machine is kept. DIL has to go outside to put the washing on, not much fun in winter. She doesn’t complain, but I can’t help thinking that if it were DS having to do it, he would think differently.

Long term, it would be much more practical to turn the whole wash house area into an adjoining utility, more convenient and adding value to their property. DS would think that too expensive though.

But they prefer expensive holidays and suchlike. That’s what I meant as ‘shallow’, and my (unspoken) opinion. To be fair to DS, DIL is just as keen on the holidays.

Regarding kitchens, my own is 17 years old, rather dated now, but it serves its purpose. The washing machine is in there, I don’t have a utility room either, but at least I don’t have to go outside to put a load of washing on!

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