Would you be so cheeky

We had similar when my DM died, DB & DSIL who lived closest got the lions share of responsibilities, I tried to help as much as I could from afar (3 hour journey away and me working full time). DB (now deceased) who lived in Australia and never visited, called or helped when either DF or DM were ill or after DF died, but after death of DM and the estate going through probate, he threatened us both with legal action as he thought we were trying to swindle him out of his share. Probate came through shortly after and the estate was split 3 ways as per the will. We didn’t hear from him again, then he died alone a few years later.

They lived 2 miles from the nursing home and hadn't seen her since 2018. How callous - and blindingly cheeky to enquire about their share of the will.

Generally, I think in normal circumstances money should be shared out fairly equally between children - but not in this case.

No I wouldn't ask, Nanawind but I know a couple of cheeky beggars who would, in fact one turned up at Dad's flat when sister and BIL had to go through his things. "Did he leave any money?" was blatantly asked - I don't recall the reply.

As with you, this person refused to visit as they didn't get on with the deceased (he was a difficult man) but were hot on the case when it mattered to them yet nowhere to be seen with the responsibilities beforehand. Pretty damn typical, wouldn't you say?

Pardon me for being so cynical, but then he always had a 'what's in it for me?' attitude. He'll no doubt turn up when I plop my clogs.

Chewbacca

I'd view someone asking if they'd been mentioned in a will as being grabby and callow. If you are a beneficiary in a will; you'll be told by the executors, but to openly ask a bereaved relative about it says volumes about the enquirer.

Spot on! What kind of person would ask such a thing.

It is sad when things don't come to the person they were intended though. In 1955 my mother should have inherited a traditional Welsh paisley shawl from her mother, no idea what happened to that. In the 1940s my great grandmother left a painting but again no idea where it ended up. Both would have come to me in time which makes me sad.

Like bees round a honeypot blue daisy! People coming out of the woodwork that you haven’t set eyes on for years, yet out they come hoping for handouts it actually turns my stomach, homes that are being cleared Aunt fanny will turn up, seen it over the years, and the episode in only fools and horses sums it up

When my grandmother died she left me the contents of her house. My aunts (who were to inherit the proceeds of the house) wanted to get it cleared so they could sell it and split the money. They were constantly onto me to get it done. However they offered no practical help. One of my cousins, who had been helping me out at antiquer fairs, offered to help in exchange for a few things from the house she had her eye on. I readily agreed and she helped me with organizing, transport and so on. She also worked for a bank so was able to get me a loan on very favourable terms to pay some of the expenses involved in the house clearance.

My aunts did not see the value of nan's possessions but I did, having been involved in the antiques market for some years. I organized a representative from Christies to view it and select some pieces for auction. Transport and photography had to be paid for as well as auction house fees. I also had to arrange a storage unit and transport for other items of value which I proposed to sell gradually. Finally I had to arrange for a house clearance firm to take the rest.

When the dust had settled and all the items were sold at Christies I made a very good sum from it. The aunts kept asking how much I had made but of course I never told them exactly. Just gave them a hint that I had covered my expenses and had some nice items to sell at antique markets going forward.

There was even a suggestion that I should split the proceeds with them as the furniture was worth much more than they imagined. I quickly reminded them that they had given me no help whatsoever in clearing the house at the time.

The actual sale of the house obviously brought a sum that was split between them. Some people are never satisfied.

I still have some of my grandmothers smaller furniture and intend leaving it to my nephew.

Money and wills I’ve found out are the route of all evil I’ve found out when it comes to families. I now keep to myself and keep well away from my family. Where there’s an inheritance there’s always seems to be someone in the family that feels entitled to it. It’s completely broken my family up where my siblings are concerned and if I ever set eyes on my sister it will be too soon.

Never in a million years would I ask, totally agree with Chewbacca

sounds like you richly deserved your legacy. Enjoy it,,,

I'd view someone asking if they'd been mentioned in a will as being grabby and callow. If you are a beneficiary in a will; you'll be told by the executors, but to openly ask a bereaved relative about it says volumes about the enquirer.

If there’s any dispute from someone who doesn’t inherit, I’d just tell them that executors are required by law to carry out the terms of the will.

Dh and his brothers once made a Deed of Variation to reinstate someone who they thought had been unfairly excluded, but in such a case AFAIK all the legatees have to agree.

I would have replied "oh, did she not discuss it with you when you visited her"?

Damned cheek they've got, asking. No, to answer the question, I'd never be so cheeky to ask if I was getting anything from an estate.

I was shocked to the point of tears when I received a solicitor's letter saying that my ex-next-door-neighbour had left me a small sum of money in her Will. If someone is mentioned in a Will, it's highly likely they will be tracked down, and not have to go seeking out any inheritance.

Happysexagenarian

No, I'd never ask questions about someone's will either before or after their death. What the deceased decided to do with her money/property etc is entirely up to her.

This!

No, I'd never ask questions about someone's will either before or after their death. What the deceased decided to do with her money/property etc is entirely up to her.

No, it wouldn't enter my head to ask. When you're left something in a will it's a gift, not a right.

I mentioned in a previous thread that my ex SIL did something similar. She was widowed when my brother died very young and we always included her and their daughter as family. Over the years SIL had some relatives leave her sizeable inheritances, and this seemed to make her very money oriented. Then she did a couple of things that really offended my Mum, so Mum changed her will so that her surviving children got the bulk of her (not very big) estate, and the grandchildren got a sum of money each. After she died SIL kept ringing me in tears, saying she hadn’t seen the will. I advised her to speak to my brother as he was executor. She then got her teenage daughter to ring and tell me how upset her Mum was not to have seen the will. I explained that she (my niece) had been told about the money she would receive. But it was all horrible as SIL obviously had some expectation of receiving something. And of course we rarely heard from her after that.

Wonderful they should think they would get anything yet not go and see her. Rather leave it to a charity.

I don't see why your DH should tell him anything. It was your MIL's money and it was up to her who she left it to.

It was your MIL's wishes on where she wanted her estate to be shared and actually, it is pretty disgraceful that someone has approached your DH so early to ask where their share is.
I would have tempted to tell the individual to make an appointment to see the solicitor involved, at their own expense, to learn the facts.

Has his Mum never had a relationship with him? and was it never good>? did she love those grand children? and have relationships with them prior to 2018?

Life and death is complex

I'm sorry for your loss

No I would never ask any questions about anyone's will. I have within my own family witnessed selfish behaviour and expectation over wills.

If you don't have a relationship and don't intend to, I would just try to let this go.

You may not know the full story behind a sons relationship with his mother.

Just be happy in your own life and don't let it disrupt your grief

They had not seen mil since Christmas 2018.
They lives 2 miles away from the nursing home and her home before that.

Surely you wait for the executor to contact you if you are mentioned in the will.

No we don't have a good relationship with DHs brother or his children.
Where were they when she needed personal care, shopping etc
When she went into hospital did they even call us to find out how she was
never mind visit.

Sil was the driving force in creating a wedge between the family. Bil is a very
weak man and went along for an easy life.

I don't see anything wrong with asking

Does your husband have a good relationship with them?

Maybe that can be focused on now

After all her fees, funeral and headstone there is about £15k left.
So Mil was NOT rich.