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How do (or do you) advise your ACs?

(19 Posts)
Nanamar Sat 27-Aug-22 15:26:00

Let’s face it, while we older folks don’t know everything, we have at least lived through the developmental stages that our ACs are in - not their specific lives or circumstances , of course - but the general experiences that sort of come with each subsequent decade are behind us. Do you keep your thoughts to yourself or do you share your opinion - only when asked or when you think you should? My mum had a habit - if she wanted to offer an opinion or advice she did it obliquely - with a “don’t you think” question. I actually didn’t like that. So I’m very hesitant to make comments offer advice but it’s hard sometimes to remain silent.

Ilovecheese Sat 27-Aug-22 15:28:17

Never without being asked, anymore than I would with any other adult.

AGAA4 Sat 27-Aug-22 15:30:57

I try hard not to offer advice. It can be frustrating at times but I know I didn't like unasked for advice when I was young.
We always know better than our parents anyway!

Barmeyoldbat Sat 27-Aug-22 15:34:49

My son and I have a great deal of respect for each other regarding advice. He dishes out advice on technical issues and I on life and experience. Works ok for us

hallgreenmiss Sat 27-Aug-22 15:39:08

If asked I would say, ‘I found this worked for us’.

MrsKen33 Sat 27-Aug-22 16:12:20

If asked yes, otherwise and especially with bringing up children, a big No.

VioletSky Sat 27-Aug-22 16:20:28

Depends on the situation...

What I definitely don't do is judge, not my life, not my choices.

Non judgemental advice seems to work out fine so far

Calendargirl Sat 27-Aug-22 16:21:31

My DS says ‘I will always listen to your advice- and then go ahead and do what I think anyway!”

HettyBetty Sat 27-Aug-22 16:22:00

We offer advice if it is asked for, which they generally respect.

Occasionally we might give advice unprompted, but then so do they!

BigBertha1 Sat 27-Aug-22 16:27:46

Eldest daughter may discuss some things after they are done and youngest daughter asks for advice all the time but rarely takes it.

Oldnproud Sat 27-Aug-22 17:08:56

If asked, yes, if I feel I have a suggestion that might help. One son asks quite a lot, and dil too will sometimes ask for my input .
It's extremely rare for me to offer them advice if they havent asked, and then only if I 'sense' that it would be welcome.

My other son and dil are unlikely to ask, so I don't offer any suggestions. They have a wide circle of friends, all with children of a similar age, and I am sure that they turn to them when unsure of how best to deal with something. I think I would do the same in their shoes.

They, on the other hand, all feel perfectly entitled to give us, or rather, more specifically, their (not-very-tactful) father's, unsolicited advice. grin

Redhead56 Sat 27-Aug-22 17:16:42

I offer advice if asked but I try my very best to be objective. But nine times out of ten I am told mum times have changed!
I watch my little grandchildren very cleverly get their own way. Our son and daughters children rarely get told off. I say you will make a rod for your own back. My mum used to say it to me it annoyed me as much as it annoys my two!

kircubbin2000 Sat 27-Aug-22 17:28:17

No, both my sons have their own ideas and are also guided by their wives. My daughter cracks up at any suggestion I make and does the opposite of what I say. This has led to many rows about how to use my cooker, shower, washing machine etc. She even put 2 white items in the machine for 2 hours because she wouldn't listen. Any mention of her husband or children and she reverts to momma bear mode even if criticism is not intended.

Chewbacca Sat 27-Aug-22 17:39:51

DC does sometimes ask me for advice in certain matters, and I answer as honestly as I can. I'm pleased that my knowledge and opinion still has worth in seeking!

Rosalyn69 Sat 27-Aug-22 17:43:53

No way. I keep my own counsel. My son doesn’t ask and I don’t offer. It works for us.

sodapop Sat 27-Aug-22 17:45:14

I offer advice but know that most of the time they will do their own thing anyway. Often though it just helps to listen so they can get things straight in their heads.

Elizabeth27 Sat 27-Aug-22 17:58:00

No, and my daughter does not give me advice. We are different people, live different lives, and are of a different generation.

Hithere Sat 27-Aug-22 18:19:37

Redhead56

"I say you will make a rod for your own back. My mum used to say it to me it annoyed me as much as it annoys my two!"

So why repeat the same mistake?

Deedaa Sat 27-Aug-22 18:25:58

My two children and I mainly only advise each other on practical things, rarely on anything else.