Arschnophobes beware!!!!!

I'm too afraid to kill it.
The electric tennis racquet would be horrific on something that big, but it would be instant (I assume it would, but it's the sheer size of the spider)

I have a very, very strong spray, but it takes a,while to work.

Have you got any fly spray?
I’m not sure if that would do it.

If I were you, I’d wee in a washing up bowl (or something) and get someone to help later in the morning

Sorry, cross post.
I wasn’t ‘changing the subject’ from you being scared.
If it’s that bad for you, you might be better off just killing it
Like I said I do understand where you are coming from

The annoying neighbour isn't afraid of them, but she will better him to death, plus she takes sleeping pills at night.

Changing, the subject…
isn’t it lovely that it’s still dark at this time in the morning

I know you're trying to help, fanny.
I do appreciate it, but all the gory details about spiders is a lot to take for someone who is very afraid of them.

What about your annoying neighbour?
Can she help? (With the spider, not the wee)

Nope I havent had a wee.
I have options, I'm considering to sort that out without involving the bathroom.

I’m not helping, am I?

Aaaaaaargh!
HELP!
Giant and spider don't belong in the same sentence, ever.

Have you had a wee yet?

It’s a Giant House Spider (eratigena atrica)

I'm sure they always come in twos, don't they?
You find one, then find an even bigger one!
Its mating time or something..

I don't want anything with pedipalps or the other thing in my home!!!

Not the bananas, it’s just a normal house spider, albeit a big one.
It won’t hurt you

Actually, no, they don’t have antenna, because they aren’t insects.
I’ve just been looking online, and they are either called pedipalps or chelicerae
Their eyes are definitely on their head

Well, I threw away a lot of bananas today.

I bought them last week, or possibly the week before, but then was poorly and didn't eat them.

I had a notion to make banana bread, then realised they were beyond help tonight, so I moved them for te first time in a couple of weeks.

Could he have come from those?

MissAdventure

Still trying to pluck up some courage....
I am on new water tablets and I need a wee!!!

... look, just give it the house keys. And the house.

Probably the easiest way .

What does it need ruddy antenna for?
Antenna, knee joints and elbows.
Who does he think he is with all these fancy parts?

Be careful, though. If by any remote chance it is an ‘overseas’ spider it could be poisonous. Many of ours are, you wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole.

No, they are part of its antenna

Oh no
I do understand. I used to be terrified of daddy long legs, not now though

Are they eyes on the ends of the stalks??

I can't do that, fanny.
I am petrified: it made me gag to even read "scoop him up".

He won’t go onto you .
They are really timid, and don’t randomly move about iykwim (unlike daddy long legs)