Struggling with friendships.

Great advice given. I have felt this is harder to make true friends when older im older than you. I hit lucky at a random school reunion
I joined U3A they are in each area. Iv met likeminded people at my ukelele group Pilates and Iv joined a Pop choir
It takes time to create friendships. Also I’ve been on coach trips but I do t have the couple interactions that I guess you are fortunate to have. Best wishes with it

I agree strongly with the idea of trying the local U3A - and in fact there may be more than one you could join. I've made friends both much younger than me and my own age. Good luck!

I’m in a similar situation since I retired and moved 100 miles to be closer to my daughter and grandchildren, I’ve not made any friends here, my mobility is limited due to physical problems I’m 62 but young in the mind so don’t want to do things like crafting
My husband has found new hobbies out of the house which I’m really pleased about

Have you tried Soroptomists or local U3A?

MissAdventure I totally agree. Same as looking for love.

I am in my mid seventies and still don’t like belonging to groups full of “oldies” !, I go swimming, or go for a walk which always seems to end at a nice coffee shop where I chat to people. I have friends whose company I love, but I am just as happy when I do not have their company or the company of my DH. I am happy just to be me

Have you got a University of the Third Age in your area? They have all sorts of activities and organise theatre trips or visit museums, art galleries, stately homes etc. You can learn a language. Friends of mine belong to one, they are young 65-ish and have a whale of a time. If ityoyr thing, another friend has joined a rock choir and has a really fun time with them. They go to lots of different places to sing or just for an outing.

I think finding a friend, as opposed to an acquaintance, is a bit like finding love.

Generic advice often suggests joining a group to broaden your social circle but I'd be more specific. Investigate groups that reflect your interests and meet in the evenings or at weekends. They are more likely to consist of a broader age range and, perhaps, a broader outlook. For example, our karate classes meet on weekday evenings and Saturday morning. Ages range from teens up to me! I'm the oldest there at 70 years. There are no cliques or factions due to age. We have a laugh as well as keeping fit and flexible and enjoying knocking seven bells out of each other! (Gross exaggeration! ?) A few of us have a coffee after class on Saturdays. Here in our village there's a quilting group, broad age range, meets on a Saturday. There's a local history group, weekly yoga class, badminton, carpet bowls, photography and more, all within walking distance. There's a lot more further afield. If nothing else, it gets you out of the house.

Whatever you do, I'd advise you to avoid coming across as needy, or worse, desperate!

I moved from West Sussex after 20+ yrs to Hampshire 4 yrs ago and joined our local U3A. There are many interest groups, I belong to the Garden, Craft, Book (of which there are 4!) and recently joined the Day Trippers group. A

www.u3a.org.uk/join

Meet up is a great way to meet people and make friends if similar age and interests ..

U3A have everything and anything you would like.
We’re not all ancient and you make great , like minded friends in the different groups. It’s great!

Another WI member here, maybe look for a WI group that meet in the evening as they are more likely to have younger members. And as others have mentioned Meet up is a good idea.
www.meetup.com/

I hope I'm not repeating what has already been said, as I admit to having skimmed the messages quite quickly.

What about the U3A?
Yes - that's short for University of the 3rd Age, so its members are older, but it comprises groups with particular interests that meet regularly.
In my area we have about 40 groups , each set up by a member who is interested in a particular activity. They range from a Ukelele group, Scottish Country Dancing, several Book groups, languages from French to Latin, Astrology, Dog walking, Rambling, Scrabble , Mahjong, Bridge ,Science, Crafts, and a Lunch Club etc. Oh and we have a variety of day Coach trips available each year, visiting interesting places
As you can see, the range is very wide and there's no need to be put off by the word university. Anyone can set up a group about anything, as long as they can get others interested.
It's a national organisation so if you google it you should be able to find a branch near you and hopefully you might find a group or two that interest you. Shared interest makes age irrelevant!!

Almost everyone I went to school with, in this area, is still working full time. I have my fingers crossed that one or two of them will maybe want to meet for coffee.

This is the crux of the issue, I think. Maybe you would be better to look for things happening in the evening, when there is more of a choice, and see if you make friends there who are also available during the day? In my own experience, NWR, U3A and similar groups are predominantly used by older people, but evening classes and so on are more mixed.

I've not read through all the suggestions , but have you thought about seeing if your area has a WI ? Some have a mixed age group . I'm the same age as you and I'd say in the group of 50+ members of the one I'm in , at least 70% of us are around the same age of younger .
We don't talk about jam making or sing Jerusalem as most WI' s have moved away from that . Many also have sub groups that reflect any activity that interests it's members. For example in my one we have a book group , netball, a theatre group , a social group ( coffee meet up , bowling , pub lunches ) and those are around 6 -12 women that will take part . You can join in monthly or just now and again , whatever suits.

Almost everyone I went to school with, in this area, is still working full time. I have my fingers crossed that one or two of them will maybe want to meet for coffee.

It is a dilemna, OP, and hobbies sometimes need to be planned for, when we are newly retired or have combined it with moving to a new area.

I have done a couple of writers talks via Zoom, the last two winters. I’ve met a couple of new friends by doing an Interfaith online course.

This winter I am also taking part as a lay person in medical research.

I hope your journey is fruitful.

Have you thought of joining your local MeetUp group. You will find a mix of ages. Also a varied selection of things to do...something for everyone ?

I too was going to say look for an NWR group in your area. They tend to be small groups of people who meet in each others homes. They are not cliquey like WI as the groups are smaller. I have made lasting friends in our group. We have fortnightly meetings in the evenings and also have a walking and a lunch group.

Juicylucy

I totally understand your dilemma, I’m 66 but look and feel 56, so I’m told. Im not ready for the knitting clubs etc that go with retirement. My mind is to young and active to succumb to those. Looking at my friendship group I’m lucky I have 3 friends that are on my level. We fit in with 40-50s age group better than our own. We are not mutton dressed as lamb it’s our teenage granddaughters that keep us young and up to the minute with what’s going on.

Wow! What a judgemental post.

Most groups that meet in the day 'go with retirement', as younger people tend to be at work. It's not a case of 'succumbing' to knitting, either - I have knitted since the age of 7, throughout teenage and young womanhood, and never found that it affected my activity levels or youthful outlook . I don't have teenage grand-daughters, but don't really need other people to keep me 'up to the minute', as I have a mind of my own, and have never been 'mutton dressed as lamb' either - I dress for myself, not to convince myself that I look younger or to fit in with the people I know.

If you don't fit in with people of your own age, could it be because you so clearly look down on them and make assumptions about their outlook and interests, which are likely to be as varied and wide-ranging as those of any age group? If you start to see them as likely to be 'on your level', you might find that they are willing to accept you as a friend. I am younger than you, and also have friends of mixed ages - that's not at all unusual. It works both ways though, and your younger friends may well be using you as an example of how well they tolerate older people in their lives.

U3A is worth investigating.

We have a Men's Shed in our town where they meet up for coffee, have days out, etc and now the ladies have started a Hen's Shed. It all began on a site called Nextdoor and you can find local walking groups, book groups, etc on it if there's one in your area. Even better, you start one yourself on it, you would be surprised how many others are looking for friendships.

Hi perhaps you could join Oddfellows they are a friendly organisation and very welcoming too. Does your local council run classes for over 55s as our here do Yoga, Exercise classes etc.

MissAdventure

It is easy to slip through the net with friendships, I've found.

I don't fit into any particular group, comfortably.

I'm old enough to be the school mums mother, have to ensure I'm around to look after a teen.
Plus I have no interest in social activities such as pubs and clubs.

#measwell! I was always a bit of an individual character which was fine while working but in retirement I find that women my age and younger are so......old!! It's as if they can't wait to 'go grey' and wear sloppy cardis! I still don full Warpaint may e 4days out of seven and have smart wardrobe that I actually WEAR , I don't know what's up with retirees? Waiting for the bitter end? Not me, I'm not exactly living a happy life but feel privately smug when I look at the offerings when I'm out and about , scruffy badly coiffed and generally gronky old women, some I know for a fact are well younger than me and just a little older, I have acquaintances and that's enough for me. Friends can be so limiting , think yourself lucky you e got your health and can pick and choose acquaintances, your DH sounds a darling, on your side and doing a great job supporting you, I less you crave company, just go with the flow, you're not missing that much, I joined a choir, have a great time and a laugh but always on my terms, were friends but just at choir! Try it ! Seek out a 'Magic Voices ' choir in your area, they're great! ?

Msdaisy - how about looking for volunteering opportunities with large organisations which have paid staff too so that when you're doing your volunteering you're mixing with a wide range of people through the generations and much more likely to meet like-minded people to socialise outside of the organisation with. Another possibility is to volunteer to work with refugees. That type of work involves you in the family life and while you won't be going out for coffee outside of your time in the 'job' you will definitely make friends.