Struggling with friendships.

I am in my mid seventies and still don’t like belonging to groups full of “oldies” !, I go swimming, or go for a walk which always seems to end at a nice coffee shop where I chat to people. I have friends whose company I love, but I am just as happy when I do not have their company or the company of my DH. I am happy just to be me

MissAdventure I totally agree. Same as looking for love.

Have you tried Soroptomists or local U3A?

I’m in a similar situation since I retired and moved 100 miles to be closer to my daughter and grandchildren, I’ve not made any friends here, my mobility is limited due to physical problems I’m 62 but young in the mind so don’t want to do things like crafting
My husband has found new hobbies out of the house which I’m really pleased about

I agree strongly with the idea of trying the local U3A - and in fact there may be more than one you could join. I've made friends both much younger than me and my own age. Good luck!

Great advice given. I have felt this is harder to make true friends when older im older than you. I hit lucky at a random school reunion
I joined U3A they are in each area. Iv met likeminded people at my ukelele group Pilates and Iv joined a Pop choir
It takes time to create friendships. Also I’ve been on coach trips but I do t have the couple interactions that I guess you are fortunate to have. Best wishes with it

Yes dog walkers seem to have a nice chatty time seeing them regularly walking out but if dont fancy a dog it’s impossible. Iv offered to walk neighbours dogs next best thing I guess as dont want the responsibility
Basically seeing familiar faces on a regular basis is generally helpful wherever

Most of my friends are older than me (I'm 61 & retired) by anything from 3 to 12 or even older. I have a few "younger" friends to - in their 40's& 50's. I enjoy their company, their insights. Friendships as far as I'm concerned have nothing to do with age but more of mutual interests & activities. I would ask why its so important to you to have friends of your own age?

Definitely join your local U3A: I retired 10 years ago when I was 63 and have made numerous friends through the various groups I joined. I run two groups myself now and belong to another two. Some meet weekly, others monthly. Please do give it a go...

Has anyone suggested getting a dog? People tell me that you make lots of cheery acquaintances and possibly friends, when walking a dog. (I wouldn't know, I've got a cat!)

Another vote for U3A.

Participants vary in age but there are some 'young' people and with such a range of activities you are sure to find something of interest.

Wishing you the best of luck in finding something that you'll enjoy and with making new friends.

It isn't easy! I've tried to join 2 over the last couple of months. I turned up at one last week which sounded great. Lots of crafts etc - so I turned up - I was the only one there for the whole time. I might as well have stayed home.

I’m appreciative of everyone’s support and suggestions it’s made me think it’s not about age as much as mindset. Many of the ladies I meet present themselves as ‘old’ not just in appearance but mindset if I suggest trip to cinema or theatre I’m met with ‘ oh I can’t be bothered I’m in bed by 10!’ I really thought after lockdown people would really grab life and try new things as we know life can be short.
I’m going to explore more groups u3a and evening classes to engage with a younger group or just people with more outgoing personality. I’m looking for more sagattarians ready for adventure!

I am a similar age to you and retired at 62. I joined the WI and went on to the committee, where more active members usually meet. We also meet for a coffee and craft chat group.
I also attend classes at a local education centre for over 50s who do day trips as well, and have made good friends there. I joined the Parish Council and am on a local school governing body. The key is really to be brave enough to suggest to people who seem like minded that you might go on an outing together or meet up for coffee. It takes time but gradually from small seeds.....

I’m so sad that no one has mentioned Soroptimist International. I’ve been a member for over 20 years at our local club. I won’t go into too much detail here (PLEASE Google it!) but is like a female Rotary. We concentrate on women and girls, have consultative status at the UN, and have thousands of clubs all over the world.

sigbi.org/

Have you thought about joining a local amateur dramatics group? Before you dismiss this out of hand you don’t need to act, in fact you would be welcomed with open arms if you are prepared to work behind scenes such as helping with props, costumes, prompting or even making the tea. Most people join because they want to act so would love you. Amateur dramatics people are usually very friendly and sociable. I know from previous experience. Good luck

I would add my voice to those suggesting the U3A. If there is not already an interest group you like you can always start one. You should find loads of people you will get along with.

I've been volunteering with the National Trust for 10 years, just one day a week. I've met lots of people who are often fit, young early retirees who love having something interesting to do and people to chat to. I talk with the other volunteers in breaks and at lunch time, and to visitors all day long, telling them about the property and just generally helping them get the best experience. I've made friends with other volunteers, and we meet up on other days for walks and lunch etc. It's worth a try, you're not committed, and you can leave if you find it's not for you. (Travelling expenses are paid).

Do you have skills which could be put to use? If you could support with secretarial, IT or accounting skills, many organisations, charities, choirs, clubs etc are desperate for people to replace existing but ageing committee members.a good way to meet a variety of people, and maybe a friendship will come out of it.

If you want a younger demographic for your friends, you would need to join groups that meet out of working hours. I have friends who are active in social groups, who do just that. Weekends of course are a key time.

Given that the current retirement age is 66 (and going up) anyone not working is either exceptionally lucky, or older.

If you are fit and healthy join Ramblers. They do walks of different lengths. As a rough guide, the longer the walk, the younger the participants are likely to be. That is not a hard and fast fact just a general observation after nearly 40 years in the Ramblers.

Doodledog

Juicylucy

I totally understand your dilemma, I’m 66 but look and feel 56, so I’m told. Im not ready for the knitting clubs etc that go with retirement. My mind is to young and active to succumb to those. Looking at my friendship group I’m lucky I have 3 friends that are on my level. We fit in with 40-50s age group better than our own. We are not mutton dressed as lamb it’s our teenage granddaughters that keep us young and up to the minute with what’s going on.

Wow! What a judgemental post.

Most groups that meet in the day 'go with retirement', as younger people tend to be at work. It's not a case of 'succumbing' to knitting, either - I have knitted since the age of 7, throughout teenage and young womanhood, and never found that it affected my activity levels or youthful outlook . I don't have teenage grand-daughters, but don't really need other people to keep me 'up to the minute', as I have a mind of my own, and have never been 'mutton dressed as lamb' either - I dress for myself, not to convince myself that I look younger or to fit in with the people I know.

If you don't fit in with people of your own age, could it be because you so clearly look down on them and make assumptions about their outlook and interests, which are likely to be as varied and wide-ranging as those of any age group? If you start to see them as likely to be 'on your level', you might find that they are willing to accept you as a friend. I am younger than you, and also have friends of mixed ages - that's not at all unusual. It works both ways though, and your younger friends may well be using you as an example of how well they tolerate older people in their lives.

Hear hear Doodledog!

A few posters here seem to equate full make-up and smart clothing with a youthful attitude - rather simplistic in my view. Being open-minded and looking beyond the “packaging” makes worthwhile friendships far more likely.
However, there is also some excellent advice and I wish the OP success in her search.

Try NWR national womens register nwr.org.uk/ as they can be really good to meet local friends

Hello Msdaisy. In some ways I fully appreciate your position as I could be in a dissimilar one myself. However, I spent 10 years nursing my late mother and all I wanted was some social company so set about joining a few events. I joined the local WI and U3A and 95% of the older people are quite mobile. I am usually one of the last to arrive and one of the first to go. I am always conveniently deaf if some 'errand' is hinted at and I also remain silent if a subject is broached that requires a lot of input. I make it my business to help with light things and do on the spot chores but never offer my services out of the given event. I have to do this because I was so burnout after looking after my mother that I needed counselling to get back to normal life. I am protecting myself with boundaries but also trying to keep them a bit flexible. I think we often believe we have to be helpful, when, in reality, we need to protect ourselves. Depends on people and context at the end of the day.