All the black outfits

I don’t know why people care whether black or colours are worn at their own funeral. It doesn’t matter because you would be dead and know nothing about it. Funerals are for the living, to grieve, remember, cry or smile. It’s about family members and friends coming together to remember. I think funeral mourners should wear whatever they wish to wear and whatever they feel is comfortable and respectful. Everyone wore black at all our family funerals, but no instructions, they just did.

Think I could safely manage a mix and match for three outfits. It would always be the same hat though. Fine by me.

The only black items I have in my wardrobe are jeans and underwear.

Me too Grannygravy well it must be what the Queen wanted as she choreographed it all hasnt she ?
No written wishes from my mum or dad but they both loved the sun and the garden, and the beach so no we didn’t wear black
I don’t really understand why black is considered respectful ? Why not brown or red or green a colour can’t have respect
It’s just what people have labled them over the years

One black dress, I only own two smart ones, last worn at my Mum’s funeral three years ago, previously at my Dad’s, seventeen years ago, I hope it won’t be needed again for a considerable time.

I have a black dress and jacket outfit, worn to various funerals over the years, the only time I ever wear it. Black doesn’t suit me at all but then, the day isn’t about me and I wear it when requested.

Discussing children at funerals on another thread. DDs aged 6 and 8 attended their grandfather’s funeral. Eldest DD decided to wear a black skirt, tights and shoes with a white blouse. Youngest DD wore her favourite red Windsor Woolies suit as, according to her, it was Grandpa’s favourite.

If I had to dive into my wardrobe to to find some black clothes to wear at a funeral I would have to go in my underwear and tights

I do not wear black. It makes me look as if I am the corpse, so obviously I do not own any black clothes. However I do have a very dark grey coat, and a dress in shades of deep grey, grey being a colour I can wear, and that I do currently wear if I go to a funeral that requires mourning clothes

Caleo

Queen Camilla's black dress with the flared skirt was graceful and modest and I really like it.

I really like it too, and would love one for me!

I too wondered about all the presenters on tv, and politicians and anyone at all connected who has to appear quickly in black do get their outfits from.

Monica grey is a very elegant colour if you cannot wear black.

BlueBelle

Me too Grannygravy well it must be what the Queen wanted as she choreographed it all hasnt she ?
No written wishes from my mum or dad but they both loved the sun and the garden, and the beach so no we didn’t wear black
I don’t really understand why black is considered respectful ? Why not brown or red or green a colour can’t have respect
It’s just what people have labled them over the years

It is because it is sombre, and a funeral is a sombre occasion.
Sometimes, a family tells mourners to wear bright colours in honour of the deceased, but usually if no instructions it is safer to wear any dark colour,

I sell vintage fashion and have obviously made a study of Victorian mourning dress and jewellery. While Queen Victoria did wear mainly black for the remainder of her life it was also, on accasions, combined with white and/or purple, which is traditionally the royal colour of mourning.

Following on from the example of the queen the wearing of mourning became a veritable cult in the later 19th and early 20th century. It only really died out with the slaughter of WWI.

There was a definate etiquette about the wearing of black which it detailed in a fascinating book called "Death, Heaven and the Victorians" John Morley 1970. The bereaved was supposed to wear unrelieved black for a year and a day. The dress was covered with crepe (a dull material) and the only permitted ornaments were Whitly jet.

After this period it was permitted to do what was called "slighting" the mourning by introducing white or grey and slightly more elaborate jewellery. Eventually one went into what was called half mourning when darker shades like purple, burgundy, navy blue etc were allowed. Returning to colours too quickly was frowned upon.

When I was a small child people often did not have the money for a full mourning outfit, especially as so many people died in WWII. Many women wore their normal clothes but cut out a small square of black and sewed it to their coat on the sleeve or lapel where it could be seen.

Even by the early 1960s it was no longer considered essential to wear all black at a funeral unless you were close family. I can remember going with my grandma to a funeral of a close family friend who had meant a great deal to me. I wore a dark blue business suit with black shoes and gloves. I did not have a hat. That was considered quite acceptable for an 18 year old girl like myself. My grandmother was in full black.

There was an interesting article in the I this weekend about arm bands and weepers for lawyers. The weepers are the white frilly cuffs that the Speaker is wearing at the moment and are used to wipe away tears if necessary. Apparently the company that provides these things have run out of both because of the demand, but all is not lost because they can be ordered from Amazon!

I was told you cant buy a black tie for love nor money.
But ties arnt easy to buy off the shelf now. We had terrible trouble trying to buy one at short notice this summer.

Thank you for posting that information bugloius. Very interesting.

I would wear muted colours to a funeral. I wore black, white and blue to the most recent one.

When we buried a family member there were a few people who contacted me worried because they didn't have anything black and did it matter? They were young and weren't sure it was wrong not to wear black. I told them it really wasn't important what they wore, their presence was what was important. They could have worn yellow for all I cared. Thank you for making the effort to be there and care.

Thanks grandtanteJE65

In the area where I grew up black was worn by close family and purple by the wider family. The closest people involved did not go shopping they had a selection of clothes hats and shoes sent from one of the local shops[usually the Co-op and the hats from a shop that specialised]. All the women went to one house and choose what they wanted.
The house curtains were closed at all times then on the day, all curtains on the route were closed. Some people even turned their mirrors around.
Two women never moved out of mourning my great grandmother from 1914 when her husband died to 1956 when she did. One of my other great grans from 1918 when her son was killed until her death. I have her jet beads and a mourning broach with a glass back for a lock of hair.
As a little girl, I hated the feeling that hung over the family. I had an Irish friend and their attitude with a wake seemed so much more appreciative of the life that had been lived.

Yes I can remember my mother drawing the curtains if there was a funeral nearby and we were not allowed to play out in the street on that day or make a noise.

I dont know when that custom ceased as I left home in 1961 and got a flat in a newbuild block. People there did not know one another and there was not the same sense of "community". So those mourning customs were not observed.

I think there might have been something to be said about wearing mourning - these rituals can often reflect human needs and emotions rather than dictating them.
I read recently
Wearing black says: ‘I’m vulnerable. Don’t push me in the queue. Give me a seat on the Tube. I’ve got layers of skin missing.’ And it reminds the wearer, too. There may be a real point in black ribbons for those grieving, à la the red ribbon for Aids, so that people could recognise that state and be gentle.
Those Victorian symbols of grieving such as dress and covering mirrors mean: slow down, make time, come together to express love and connect with other people. In the 21st century, we have too much haste. We want to have the funeral, move on. If we don’t slow down, we can’t feel.

I've worn navy and dark grey to funerals, hardly ever black. I'm going to tell my family to wear anything but black.

MawtheMerrier, I agree, after my sister's sudden death, I walked round in a trance for about three months, my mind working like treacle. To have been able to indicate my recent bereavment state, without having to keep telling people, would have been a real help. Nowadays we are so keen, and rightly, peoples emotional or personal states, such as the menopause, miscarriages etc, I do fid it strange that there is now now way to indicate that you have recently suffered the loss of someone very dear to you.

There is also a very good fiction book by Dianne Setterfield called Bellman And Black, about a man who starts a whole dept store for mourning attire.There were different colours for mourning, from deepest black, grey, purple and lilac and so on depending upon the stages of mourning.Victorian times seem to be the epicentre of mourning, possibly because of how Queen Victoria became after the death of Prince Albert.

Thank you M0nica that was very much how I felt when Paw died- feeling that bit more fragile and often quite bewildered and vulnerable, something to say “Be gentle with me”:

Anne’s outfit was worn at Diana’s funeral 25 years ago so some of them will be from the wardrobes and some new, I would imagine as they plan for such eventualities, they may have had some for a while in case

When I worked in London I wore a lot of black and both my DIL and one of my GDs have to wear black to work. It is very elegant and after all the LBD (little black dress) was considered the height of sophistication - just think of Audrey Hepburn!